Touchstone 4: Revise an Argumentative Research Essay
Touchstones are projects that illustrate your comprehension of the course material, help you refine skills, and demonstrate application of knowledge. You can work on a Touchstone anytime, but you can’t submit it until you have completed the unit’s Challenges. Once you’ve submitted a Touchstone, it will be graded and counted toward your final course score.
Touchstone 4: Revise an Argumentative Research Essay
ASSIGNMENT: Review the in-text comments and summary feedback you received on your Touchstone 3.2 draft to enhance your writing. You will then submit a revision of your Touchstone 3.2 draft that reflects the evaluator’s feedback. Make sure to include a copy of your Touchstone 3.2 draft below the reflection questions for this unit.
As this assignment builds on Touchstone 3.2: Draft an Argumentative Research Essay, that Touchstone must be graded before you can submit your final research essay.
Sample Touchstone 4
A. Final Draft Guidelines
DIRECTIONS: Refer to the list below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until it meets these guidelines.
1.
Editing
and
Revising
❒ Have you significantly revised the essay by adjusting areas like organization, focus, and clarity?❒ Have you made comprehensive edits to word choice, sentence variety, and style?❒ Have your edits and revisions addressed the feedback provided by your evaluator?
2.
Cohesion
and
Source Integration
❒ Is the information presented in a logical order that is easy for the reader to follow?❒ Have you included smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs?❒ Have you introduced your sources clearly and in a way that demonstrates their validity to the reader?
3.
Conventions and Proofreading
❒ Have you double-checked for correct formatting, grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization?❒ Have you ensured that any quoted material is represented accurately?
4.
Reflection
❒ Have you displayed a clear understanding of the revision process?❒ Have you answered all reflection questions thoughtfully and included insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses?❒ Are your answers included on a separate page below the composition?
B. Reflection Questions
DIRECTIONS: Below your assignment, include answers to all of the following reflection questions.
- How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
- List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion, rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive feedback. (4-5 sentences)
- What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3 sentences)
C. Rubric
Advanced (90-100%)Proficient (80-89%)Acceptable (70-79%)Needs Improvement (50-69%)Non-Performance (0-49%)
Revising
Demonstrate comprehensive “re-visioning” of the composition.There is evidence of comprehensive re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate.There is evidence of significant re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate.There is evidence of some re-visioning of the draft composition, including adjustments to organization, focus, clarity, and/or unity where needed or appropriate; however, a few areas need some additional revision.There is little evidence of re-visioning of the draft composition, such that multiple areas in need of changes were unaltered.Revisions are absent or did not address the issues in the essay.
Editing
Demonstrate comprehensive sentence-level edits throughout the composition.There is evidence of comprehensive edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed or appropriate.There is evidence of substantial edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed or appropriate.There is evidence of some edits to the draft composition, including adjustments to word choice, sentence completeness, sentence variety, and/or style where needed/appropriate; however, some issues were overlooked.There is little evidence of edits made to the draft composition, such that many errors remain.Edits are absent or did not address the issues in the essay.
Source Integration
Integrate source material appropriately and effectively.Introduces sources smoothly and effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary.Primarily introduces sources effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary.Introduces some sources effectively through direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary, but more variety could be used.Relies too heavily on one method of source integration (direct quotation, paraphrase, or summary); does not thoughtfully apply source integration techniques.Shows no attempt to integrate source material into the composition or relies on quoted source material for over half of the composition.
Cohesion
Establish and maintain a logical flow.Sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses smooth transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas.Sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas.Primarily sequences ideas and paragraphs logically and uses sufficient transitions (within and between paragraphs) such that the reader can generally follow the progression of ideas.The progression of ideas is often difficult to follow, due to poor sequencing, ineffective transitions, and/or insufficient transitions.The progression of ideas is consistently difficult to follow, due to poor sequencing and lack of transitions.
Conventions and Proofreading
Demonstrate command of standard English grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and usage.There are few, if any, negligible errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.There are occasional minor errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.There are some significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.There are frequent significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.There are consistent significant errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.
Reflection
Answer reflection questions thoroughly and thoughtfully.Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; consistently includes insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses, following or exceeding response length guidelines.Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; includes multiple insights, observations, and/or examples, following response length guidelines.Primarily demonstrates thoughtful reflection, but some responses are lacking in detail or insight; primarily follows response length guidelines.Shows limited reflection; the majority of responses are lacking in detail or insight, with some questions left unanswered or falling short of response length guidelines.No reflection responses are present.
D. Requirements
The following requirements must be met for your submission to be graded:
Include all of the assignment components in a single file.
Acceptable file formats include and x.
E. Additional Resources
The following resources will be helpful to you as you work on this assignment:
- Purdue Online Writing Lab’s APA Formatting and Style Guide
This site includes a comprehensive overview of APA style, as well as individual pages with guidelines for specific citation types.
- Frequently Asked Questions About APA Style
This page on the official APA website addresses common questions related to APA formatting. The “References,” “Punctuation,” and “Grammar and Writing Style” sections will be the most useful to your work in this course.
- APA Style: Quick Answers—References
This page on the official APA Style website provides numerous examples of reference list formatting for various source types.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Logan Stevens
English Composition II
December 22, 2019
Where’s the Beef?: Ethics and the Beef Industry
Americans love their beef. According to a 2005 study on beef consumption, between
1994 and 1998, Americans consumed an average of 67 pounds of beef per year, the equivalent of
approximately three ounces of beef per day (Davis & Lin, 2005). Despite this high rate of
consumption, in recent years people in the United States have grown increasingly concerned
about where their food comes from, how it is produced, and what environmental and health
impacts result from its production. These concerns can be distilled into two ethical questions: is
the treatment of cattle humane and is there a negative environmental impact of beef production?
For many, the current methods of industrial beef production and consumption do not meet
personal ethical or environmental standards. Therefore, for ethical and environmental reasons,
people should limit their beef consumption, and the beef that they do eat should be humanely
raised, locally sourced, and grass-fed.
The first ethical question to consider is the humane treatment of domesticated cattle. It
has been demonstrated in multiple scientific studies that animals feel physical pain as well as
emotional states such as fear (Grandin & Smith, 2004, para. 2). In Concentrated Animal Feeding
Operations (CAFOs), better known as “factory farms” due to their industrialized attitude toward
Comment [SL1]: Hi Logan! This is a great title.
Comment [SL2]: Good use of data as an effective hook
statement.
Comment [SL3]: This is a very strong, well-formed thesis
statement that takes a clear stance on a debatable topic.
Well done.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
cattle production, cattle are often confined to unnaturally small areas; fed a fattening, grain-based
diet; and given a constant stream of antibiotics to help combat disease and infection. In his essay,
“An Animal’s Place,” Michael Pollan (2002) states that beef cattle often live “standing ankle
deep in their own waste eating a diet that makes them sick” (para. 40). Pollan not only describes
Americans’ discomfort with this aspect of meat production. He also notes that they are removed
from and uncomfortable with the physical and psychological aspects of killing animals for food
as well. He simplifies the actions chosen by many Americans: “we either look away—or stop
eating animals” (para. 32). This decision to look away has enabled companies to treat and
slaughter their animals in ways that cause true suffering for the animals. If Americans want to
continue to eat beef, alternative, ethical methods of cattle production must be considered.
In addition to the inhumane treatment of animals, CAFOs also raise ethical questions in
terms of the environmental impacts of industrial agriculture. Because cattle raised on factory
farms are primarily “grain-fed,” meaning that their diet largely consists of corn and/or soy rather
than grass or other forage, huge amounts of grain are required to provide the necessary feed. This
grain comes primarily from “monocropping,” an agricultural practice that involves planting the
same crop year after year in the same field. Although rotating crops to different fields each
season helps to retain the natural balance of nutrients in the soil, mono-cropping is considered to
be more efficient on an industrial scale, providing larger yields of grain even though it also
requires the use of more chemical fertilizers to provide adequate nutrients for the plants.
According to Palmer (2010), these chemicals can leach into the groundwater, polluting both the
surrounding land and the water supply.
The emphasis on a grain-based diet, and therefore a reliance on mono-cropping, also
contributes to the inefficient use of available land. The vast majority of grain production (75-
Comment [SL4]: This is a much better way to connect your
ideas regarding the physical and psychological aspects of
killing animals and how Americans deal with them.
Comment [SL5]: Yes!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
90% depending on whether corn or soy) goes to feeding animals rather than humans, and cattle
alone account for a significant share. As a result, a majority of land available for agriculture also
goes to producing livestock, whether actually housing the animals or growing grain to feed them
(Lappé, 2010, p. 22). This inefficiency means that a disproportionate amount of agricultural,
food, and monetary resources are poured into a type of cattle production which has been
demonstrated to be inhumane and to have negative environmental
consequences.
Other environmental issues include the amount of manure produced by factory farmed
cattle. Traditionally, cattle graze a large area and distribute their waste accordingly. In contained
situations such as CAFOs, however, animal waste builds up in a relatively small area and the
runoff from rainstorms can potentially contaminate the groundwater (Sager, 2008, para. 7).
Furthermore, because closely contained animals are more prone to disease, factory-farmed cattle
are routinely treated with antibiotics, which can also leach into the local ground and water,
potentially affecting humans. According to Brian Palmer, a man who has done extensive
research on the topic (2010), “Based on some estimates, we spend more than $4 billion annually
trying to clean up CAFO manure runoff. In addition, the long-term, low-dose antibiotics CAFOs
give livestock can lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria, further undermining our dwindling supply
of useful medicines” (para. 12). The negative impacts of antibiotic runoff, manure
contamination, fossil fuel use, and mono-cropping indicate that sourcing beef from CAFOs is
neither an ethically responsible nor an environmentally sustainable decision.
An alternative to the grain-fed cattle raised in CAFOs is cattle which are allowed to range
and forage for grass and other greenery as their primary form of nourishment. This “grass-fed”
beef is, almost by definition, more humane than grain-fed beef because the animals are allowed
to move freely and eat a more natural diet. There is also some evidence that grass-fed beef is
Comment [SL6]: Great job tying these ideas together here.
Comment [SL7]: Much better.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
healthier than grain-fed beef for the humans who consume it: it is higher in cancer fighting,
vitamin-A producing beta-carotene; it is much lower in fat, including having half the saturated
fat as grain-fed beef; and it contains many more omega-3 fatty acids, conjugated linoleic acid
(CLA), which prevents cancer growth, and vitamin E, which prevents cancer as well as heart
disease (Ruechel, 2006, p. 235). Due to the benefits of a grass-based diet, as well as the benefits
of being raised in pastures rather than feedlots, grass-fed cattle themselves tend to be healthier.
Taken altogether, grass-fed cattle production is better physically for both the cows and humans.
It is important to note that grass-fed does not inherently mean organic, which is a
separate, legal category with its own requirements. It is possible to find grain-fed beef from
cattle raised or slaughtered in inhumane conditions that is labeled “organic” because the cattle
were fed organic grain, whereas grass-fed beef may come from cattle that have been raised on
land that does not meet the requirements for organic labeling (Sager, 2008, paras.10-15).
However, in a guide to raising grass-fed cattle, Julius Ruechel (2006), notes that “Raising [cattle]
in a pasture reduces or even eliminates the use of toxic pharmaceutical pesticides to control
parasites and all but eliminates residues of high doses of antibiotics used on cattle in feedlot
conditions” (p. 236). Even though it may not always be organic, choosing grass-fed beef reduces
or eliminates many of the environmental and ethical concerns raised by factory farming.
Grass-fed beef also comes with some benefits to the environment. As noted earlier, most
grain-fed beef relies on environmentally damaging mono-cropping. This problem is not an issue
with grass-fed beef, which relies primarily on forage and does not require the same crop to be
planted year after year. Further, if the grass-fed beef that one eats comes from local farms and
ranches, it lessens the environmental impact, whereas the long-distance shipping required by
factory farming practices consumes fossil fuels, which contribute to global warming. Lappé
Comment [SL8]: Interesting!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
(2010) explains the massive effects that industrial food production has on the environment,
noting that throughout the life cycle of production, processing, distribution, consumption, and
waste, our food chain may be responsible for as much as a third of the factors causing global
climate change (p. 11). However, as Pollan (2002) argues by the end of his essay, farms which
focus on traditional agricultural practices are both more humane and more environmentally
friendly than CAFOs. Ultimately, food decisions should be made with an eye to sustainability
and humane treatment, ethical stances that are both supported by local farms focused on
sustainable diversity.
Despite grass-fed beef scoring better on an environmental impact level than grain-fed
beef, it is still not perfect, a fact that highlights the problems of eating beef at all if one is
concerned with environmental ethics. Most notably, to assuage Americans’ rapacious appetites
for beef, landowners in South America often clear cut rainforest in order to create grazing land.
“The realities of the global market are a great temptation to many: Where land is cheap and the
demand for grass-fed cattle is on the rise, the local economy may respond by cutting down a
forest to create pasture or by planting grass where millet or rice has been grown” (Sager, 2008,
para. 21). This practice has negative environmental impacts on the local landscape and the planet
as a whole, since losing vast swathes of rainforest increases the amount of carbon dioxide in our
atmosphere, contributing to ozone depletion. In their article for Science magazine, scholars
Molly Brown and Christopher Funk (2008) examine how climate change will affect food
security and find that people in the developing world are at particular risk for a lack of food due
to climate change. Mono-cropping and mono-grazing practices, designed to snag American
dollars in the short term and not to sustain the local population in the long term, will only
exacerbate these effects (p. 580–81). Furthermore, the rise in the market for grass-fed beef has
Comment [SL9]: Great use of signal phrasing here.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
meant that much grass-fed beef is shipped to the U.S. from South America and Australia. Even if
these animals are raised in a humane and sustainable manner, the long distances they travel to
reach American bellies has significant, negative environmental impact, again due to the use of
fossil fuels (Sager, 2008, para. 21). This reinforces the importance of buying beef which has
been locally produced, reducing the impact of long-distance shipping and potential mono-grazing
in other countries.
No matter how ethically sourced, one can still identify some serious ethical problems
with the raising and slaughter of beef, and those ethical quandaries are passed on to consumers.
While grass-fed beef is clearly an ethical improvement over grain-fed beef in terms of humane
treatment and potentially in terms of environmental impact, “No matter how you slice it, eating
beef will never be the greenest thing you do in a day. Scientists at Japan’s National Institute of
Livestock and Grassland Science estimate that producing 1 kilogram of beef emits more
greenhouse gas than driving 155 miles” (Palmer, 2010, para. 2). A kilogram of beef is about the
equivalent of two generously sized rib-eye steaks. Multiply this by the amount of beef consumed
by Americans in a year and the impact of these greenhouse gasses cannot be ignored. However,
as compelling as this argument is, it is not reasonable to expect that Americans will stop eating
beef altogether. In the short term, it is more practical to encourage Americans to eat humanely
raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, which will ultimately lessen the ethical and environmental
consequences.
If consumers are truly concerned about the ethical treatment of animals and the
environmental impact of agricultural production, then the logical action is to stop eating meat
altogether. If Americans are not willing to do this, then the next best action is to focus on
humanely raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, while acknowledging that this may affect our
Comment [SL10]: Great concluding sentence.
Comment [SL11]: Good. You’re not dismissing the counter-
arguments, but you’re indicating that your argument is
more persuasive. Well done.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
beef consumption at many levels. Pollan (2002) concludes his essay by acknowledging that more
humane treatment of animals would likely cause higher prices and lower consumption. However,
he states, “maybe when we did eat animals, we’d eat them with the consciousness, ceremony and
respect they deserve” (para. 82). This emphasis on the respect for and well-being of the animals
cultivated for food benefits both the animals and the consumer, acknowledging the desire to be
true omnivores while satisfying our need for ethical clarity.
Comment [SL12]: Very good concluding statement!
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
References
Brown, M., & Funk, C. (2008). Food security under climate change. Science, 319
(5863), 580-581. doi: 10.1126/science.1154102
Cook, C. (2004). Diet for a dead planet: How the food industry is killing us. New York,
NY: New Press.
Davis, C., & Lin, B.H. (2005). Factors affecting U.S. beef consumption. Retrieved from
https://www.ers.usda.gov/publications/pub-details/?pubid=37389.
Grandin, T. & Smith. G. (2004). Animal welfare and humane slaughter. Grandin.com.
Retrieved from http://www.grandin.com/references/humane.slaughter.html
Lappé, A. (2010). Diet for a hot planet: The climate crisis at the end of your fork. New
York, NY: Bloomsbury.
Palmer, B. (2010, December 21). Pass on grass: Is grass-fed beef better for the
environment? Slate. Retrieved from
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/the_green_lantern/2010/12/pa
ss_ on_grass.htm
Pollan, M. (2002, November 10). An animal’s place. The New York Times. Retrieved
from http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/10/magazine/an-animal-s-place.html
Ruechel, J. (2006). Grass-fed Cattle: How to produce and market natural beef. North
Adams, MA. Storey Publishing.
Sager, G. (2008). Where’s your beef from?: Grass-fed Beef: Is it green, humane and
healthful? Natural Life Magazine. Retrieved from
http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0812/grass-fed_beef_green_humane_healthful.htm
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Reflection Questions:
1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you
use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
I spent about an hour and a half revising my draft. I spent a lot of time going over each of the
critiques I was given, and thinking about how I can implement those in a way that will truly
make my essay better. Creating unity and coherence was the most satisfying to me, because
it allowed me to put everything together in a way that made me proud.
2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What
problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion,
rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive
feedback. (4-5 sentences)
One I came up with was moving the paragraph on how the production of meat can raise
questions in terms of environmental impacts. This helped increase the flow and effectiveness
of how the information was being presented. Another critique I made was including a more
focused thesis statement. This helped include all of the points I made. Another revision I
made was adding more appeals to my claim that chemicals can leach into the groundwater,
polluting both the surrounding land and the water supply. This helped add legitimacy to my
argument.
3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your
understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3
sentences)
I learned that writing a truly good Argumentative Essay is way more than just writing and
research. You need to dig deep into your sources, and really learn about both sides of the
arguments are you taking on. The entire process is important to make your argument a solid
and supported one.
Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING
Final Research Essay Rubric and Feedback
Rubric
Category
Feedback Score
(acceptable, needs
improvement etc.)
Revising
There was a clear effort to adjust your previous
draft. You effectively revised the organization of
your essay to gain a better focus on the
argument being presented.
35/40
Editing
You did a great job strengthening your
arguments by editing some of the word choices
throughout your essay.
38/40
Source
Integration
You were able to introduce your sources
effectively and seamlessly using a variety of
different types of citation.
19/20
Cohesion
Updating the flow of your argument throughout
your essay has really made it a more effective
argumentative essay. Well done!
18/20
Conventions
and
Proofreading
You have done a great job ensuring there are no
major convention errors.
19/20
Reflection You demonstrate thoughtful reflection,
consistently including insights, observations, and
examples in your responses.
10/10
Overall Score and Feedback: 139/150
Logan – You have written a very thought-provoking and well-researched essay. You use
relevant information from credible sources in order to support your argument. You
strike a good balance between these sources and your own discussion, allowing the
reader to see how you are using this information to further your own, unique
argument. You write very clearly, linking your ideas and paragraphs together in a very
logical and smooth manner. You remain consistently focused on your argument
throughout. I really enjoyed reading your essay! Nicely done!