Rough Draft Review Process Evaluation
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Identify the top three issues your writing specialist focused on in your rough draft (e.g., paragraph structure, proper use of quotations, thesis statement, etc.).
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Describe what you learned from some of the feedback your writing specialist provided as explanations.
Was this feedback helpful?
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Will you use the Ashford Writing Center to review your work in the future? Why or why not?Identify Writing Center Video Tutorials (Links to an external site.) that you find most useful and explain why. Also, identify tutorial(s) you found least useful and explain why.
The journal part of the assignment does not need to be formatted in APA style; however, correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation is required.
Unemployment and lack of economic opportunity Comment by David: This paper is well-designed and well-argued for the most part, but has some significant problems which I’ve tried to highlight. Here’s a summary of them. Your paper’s argument does not sufficiently provide empirical data to back up the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. There are a wide variety of objections to your proposed solutions which I have made throughout the essay, most of which should be addressed at some point. Your thesis does not seem to fully encompass the actual solutions that you offer. Your section on the review of the literature needs to be more focused on literature that might speak to your solutions.
Lamar Douglas
Gen 499
Sonja Bethune
2/8/2021
Introduction
Lack of job opportunities is one of the concerns people have to deal with in the current world. Many factors contribute to the problem of unemployment and lack of job opportunities. One among such factors is that the education systems offer courses that make a candidate unfit for the industry after graduation. As a result, there is a huge gap between studies offered in tertiary institutions and the labor market requirements. Besides, there is no adequate career guidance that helps students choose courses that will offer them opportunities once they graduate because they do not have employable skills indicated in their certificates. Besides, the organization seeks to lower costs while maximizing revenues. On the other hand, students acquire knowledge from top-ranking institutions hoping that they will land a decent job. Despite the huge amount of fees they spend on their education, these people fail to secure employment leading to life-threatening issues such as depression and anxiety if these people fail to get employment. Governments should develop strategies that will help such individuals start their own business instead of waiting to be employed and end up being wasted (Chigunta, 2017). The government can offer them free interest loans and create an enabling environment for businesses and prevent them from experiencing hardships when they cannot secure employment. This paper evaluates unemployment and economic opportunities and background to such issues, solutions, and ethical outcomes expected from solutions suggested. Comment by David: Major problems Comment by David: contemporary Comment by David: the Comment by David: of the most prominent factors is that the education system Comment by David: Additionally, Comment by David: aids Comment by David: in choosing Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: Not particularly clear how this is connected to what you wrote earlier and not that clear how it fits into the paragraph as a whole. Delete or revise. Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: Is your paper only about students from top-ranking institution? If not, why are you narrowing in on them here? Comment by David: Do you have research backing up the notion that people graduating from top-ranking institutions regularly fail to obtain decent jobs? If so, you should cite it here. This is a bold claim, and not one I’m sure is true: while there are plenty of college students who find it difficult to find jobs post-graduation, they tend to be from institutions which are not quite as prestigious, generally-speaking. Comment by David: Often Comment by David: comma Comment by David: if they Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: Some immediate problems for this argument. Not everyone can start a business. Although this policy would probably be beneficial in that it would help increase the amount of entrepreneurialism amongst young people, thereby spurring the economy, the amount of college graduates that actually start a business would no doubt still be a minority. This is simply because in most contemporary economies, most people cannot be business-owners insofar as businesses themselves require laborers. Another issue with the argument is that there are significant impediments to starting a business besides just lack of credit. If education is not teaching students the tools necessary to thrive in the business world, why think that students would be capable of starting and running their own businesses at all? Additionally, starting a business entails taking significant risks, and given the lack of a safety net in America compared to other developed countries, it becomes even -riskier-. You should probably address these concerns somewhere within the paper. Comment by David: in order to Comment by David: In your actual essay, you do not talk much about what tools can be used to actually prevent people from experiencing hardship when one cannot secure employment. Comment by David: The problem of unemployment and lack of opportunities, beginning by offering a background overview of the issue before considering some solutions, and finally concluding by examining the outcomes expected from the suggested solutions.
Background Information
Many issues result in unemployment and lack of economic opportunities. The number of professionals in a certain field increases while their unmatched opportunities to absorb this large of graduates. Therefore, individuals have to compete for the available opportunities to be absorbed. This has created other social issues such as corruption because some individuals engage in bribery to be absorbed. This results in compromising the role of competition in hiring the most suitable candidates for the available posts. Comment by David: This whole paragraph is somewhat unclear in its reasoning compared to the following ones. Comment by David: Different factors contribute to Comment by David: Revise this sentence. Unclear what you are saying. Comment by David: comma Comment by David: comma Comment by David: Define what you mean by “Absorbed” a bit more directly.
On the other hand, failing to secure employment among the graduates can result in health problems such as depression. This may affect the whole family and society at large, especially when the child was their last hope following huge investment in their education. Besides, the victim may lose the sense of their future for which they have worked so hard to achieve. The victims might resort to socially unacceptable behaviors such as crimes as they become more frustrated due to lack of employment opportunities. Unemployment may destroy society as socially unacceptable behaviors like crimes, and drug abuse may be introduced (Saleem & Hussain, 2018). Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: drastically increase
Urban communities tend to be more concerned with unemployment compared to rural populations. High taxes and rents taxes people in the urban areas may make it necessary to seek an income source that will meet their needs. While rural societies can live comfortably without looking for alternative employment sources, it is hard for urban communities since they must have money for them to survive. The rural unemployed youths can work in their parent’s firms and help their parents as they grow old and cannot handle their duties, instead of urban unemployed youths who have to raise money for both upkeep and paying the huge bills that await them. The people are unhappy about their lives and are frustrated and might resort to alternative income sources if what they are earning does not meet their needs. The situation can be worse if one is unemployed or they lose their source of income. This not only leads to individual frustration but also leads to social crimes as they try to sustain their livelihoods. Lack of opportunities is a critical issue in society because it does not only escalate the poverty index of a country but also results in social crimes such as theft, which threatens the security of an area (Srivastava Ms, 2019). Comment by David: forces Comment by David: urban areas Comment by David: individuals Comment by David: comma Comment by David: a great deal of income Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: While Comment by David: The urban unemployed Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: Moreover, Comment by David: Who are Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: their current income Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: often gives rise Comment by David: To summarize, Comment by David: eliminate Comment by David: escalates Comment by David: comma
The argument on
Proposed Solution Comment by David: for my
Citizens must pay taxes in exchange for social services and assistance in circumstances in which individuals cannot help themselves. The government needs to create fresh graduates opportunities by employing them in new projects to reduce unemployment and help them secure jobs. This enables the freshly graduated individuals to acquire experience that is critical to seek employment in other areas. Besides, these provide them with the resources that encourage them to acquire higher education to improve their educational qualifications to seek employment from other employers. Comment by David: opportunities for fresh graduates Comment by David: that will Comment by David: in order to Comment by David: obtain Comment by David: How will they do that? Elaborate. Comment by David: One note on this paragraph: it seems a little odd that you introduce this solution since it is not at all mentioned in your thesis. Your teacher asks you to introduce a single solution and argue for it, but here you are, in fact, introducing a second solution which is not mentioned earlier in this paper. This is a bit odd, and I would suggest either revising your thesis to account for this or just taking this section out.
Another option available to unemployment among the youths is for the government to consider offering low-interest loans to the population’s unemployed segment. Low-interest loans to people who have prolonged periods of unemployment enable them to create income-generating ventures. The government can develop initiatives where entrepreneurs who create employment opportunities are given funds to expand their initiatives. This will stimulate the spirit of entrepreneurship in the country and eradicates massive unemployment. This can have a lasting economic impact on the country as the people change their way of thinking to become employers rather than employees. Also, these individuals gain business skills and experiences that are critical when they become employed. However, such loans might be useless if these people are not equipped with the appropriate financial literacy. Financial and monetary institutions should join hands and educate individuals on utilizing their loans to create opportunities (Carpena et al., 2019). It will be advisable that people are granted a loan after they develop a feasible business project proposal. This will reduce these individuals’ chances of misusing the fund because they have the necessary financial knowledge to enable them to account for every dollar they spend in their ventures. Low-interest loans promote these individuals’ confidence, and they start taking commercial loans to expand their businesses. This ensures that these people contribute to the economic development and eventually by contributing to tax payment. Comment by David: Combat Comment by David: Is there really evidence that unemployed individuals will use loans to start businesses rather than, say, pay for their basic necessities? It seems like they are far more likely to do the latter. Comment by David: Also Comment by David: Aid in eradicating Comment by David: Once again, I ask: why will this help eradicate unemployment? Unemployed individuals often do not even have a steady place to live, so it is somewhat odd to think they will start a business with a new loan that is wildly successful. Comment by David: What incentive do they have to do this? Explain. Comment by David: Isn’t it a bit odd to condition aid to the unemployed on whether they can develop a “feasible business project proposal”? If your aim is to reduce unemployment, is it really fair to only aim to reduce unemployment for those who have a certain level of business acumen? Consider this objection. Comment by David: Can Comment by David: Become part of the tax base.
Entrepreneurs who do not have the appropriate skills to develop their innovations can be trained to do their best. The government can initiate free training programs that equip unemployed youths with employable skills to earn a living. Besides, such programs will help children from poor backgrounds and do not have access to education use them as education platforms that will earn them skills to support their families financially. Existing training programs make it hard for youths to attain employment requirements due to a lack of experience. Thus, training and imparting online skills can help them diversify employment capabilities and earn a living. It is also important for training institutions to adopt artistic courses that have become significant in the modern economy. Besides, the youth also need training that will enable them to learn how they can use their skills and contribute economically and avoid giving up when they fail to secure employment. Training opportunities for the youth will help address these challenges and equip them with confidence to implement their skills successfully. The youth should also be informed about the opportunities such opportunities present them in the future. Comment by David: This makes sense, but is different from the proposal you write about in your thesis, and is a distinct proposal from the one enumerated in the last paragraph. As a result, you need to either change your thesis to accommodate the fact that you are offering a series of solutions, not just one solution, or eliminate this section.
Statistical Analysis of Literature Comment by David: There’s a major issue with this section. Though the analysis of the literature you perform is very good for the most part and supports some of your earlier theses about unemployment, there is nothing in here that actually supports your proposed solution. You need to find some research that will show that your solution could probably be efficacious. Otherwise, there will be no empirical, economic substantiation for your thesis that providing these loans to unemployed individuals could be an effective solution to unemployment.
González-Chica et al. (2017) conducted on the impact of unemployment on cardiovascular diseases and the quality of life showed that out of the 2379 sample used in the study, 13% percent had at least one of the chronic infections. Out of those interviewed, 73% were urban residents, while 75% had gone beyond the secondary education level. Individuals in government community housing had a higher risk of cardiovascular diseases compared to those earning homes. This indicates the prevalence of lifestyle conditions to unemployed and educated people, with the young and unmarried showing the highest prevalence of cardiovascular conditions. It would be better to conduct research that combines both sociodemographic and socioeconomic factors while establishing such relationships.
Ahmad (2019) researched to investigate the cause and consequence of unemployment. Out of the 120 participants in the study, 32.5% were unemployed because they had low education, 15.8% had inadequate skills, and 55% were never employed because they did approach the relevant employing bodies. 65% did not possess the necessary skills, while 73.3 percent were never employed, while 7.5 percent were unemployed due to business completion. However, unlike other studies, the research findings showed overpopulation was a major cause of unemployment; unemployed individuals resorted to crimes and suicide. The study indicated with proper education, access to capital, proper skills, and a reduced rate of population growth, unemployment can be eliminated.
Lee et al. (2020) study on the impact of unemployment on nicotine dependence showed that unemployment had a statistically significant impact on nicotine dependence. However, nicotine dependence had an insignificant impact on unemployment. This shows that unemployment plays an important role in introducing the unemployed population to antisocial behaviors, and the authorities concerned should employ a strategy for its control.
Ethical Outcomes from the Solutions
The proposed solutions present numerous ethical implications. Unemployed individuals can secure opportunities through training programs or government loans and empower them to be employed. Therefore, they will be able to the economic development of the country. This enables them to work independently without looking for employment elsewhere because they can start their own jobs. Additionally, the spirit of entrepreneurship is enhanced. However, when unemployed youths are offered loans, they might not use the money for the right purpose. This might lead to poor life and have even more adverse effects on the person. When such individuals mess up, they are likely to turn to drug use to control their anxiety, leading to addiction. Comment by David: that Comment by David: spur the Comment by David: comma Comment by David: Here’s another issue with the solution that you’re proposing. Most businesses are not particularly profitable until they have already been running for a fairly long period of time. Therefore, most individuals who are going to start businesses will be those with sufficient savings to support themselves even when they’re running a business that is initially not particularly profitable. Therefore, unemployed, low-income individuals will have less incentive to actually start businesses than upper-income individuals, even if they have access to capital, largely because they need a steady stream of income that will allow them to pay for necessities. Comment by David: create
Besides, if the youths are not well monitored on the type of businesses they establish with the loans, they can use it for illegal purposes such as drugs. This is promoted because they are aware that illegal businesses generate fast cash without much struggle within a short period of time. This will lead to further implications such as widespread drug addiction destroying other members of society’s lives. Besides, if the individual uses the money for the wrong purpose, they might never repay. The government should bear in mind such factors and employ strategies to ensure the money is used for the right purpose. The loans should also be set aside for only people who have attained a certain age limit to ensure they can use the money wisely without wasting it. Serious training is required to ensure that the youths are equipped with skills to use their money wisely and ensure they can pay back as agreed. Comment by David: Problems,
Conclusion
Unemployment and lack of economic opportunities are an important social issue that requires both government and society’s attention. The public and government have the best interest in ensuring that they make the best out of such situations. The public can make tax payments timely if they are employed, or they have income-generating opportunities. The government has a responsibility to avail opportunities to its citizens and ensure they can take care of their needs. A training program can be instrumental in helping those without employable skills secure employment. Low-interest loans can be offered to those who have taken a long time without employment and advise them on the best ways to come up with the best business opportunities to generate income. This helps them to gain self-confidence and make a living. Moreover, people can discover their production potential and create jobs for others and avoid wasting their abilities. Entrepreneurs will also emerge when the government offers financial and educational assistance creating room for innovation and more job creation. The country can develop more jobs and generate more revenues for the government through taxes. These strategies ensure that the unemployed and the youths are kept active and are prevented from engaging in social crimes such as theft and drug abuse. The government needs to intervene to revert the negative impacts of unemployment and create economic opportunities for the population with limited access to such benefits. Comment by David: This all makes sense, but as I’ve said before, it requires more empirical evidence in favor of it given all the possible reasons for why the program would -not- work.
References
Ahmad, Z. (2019). An Analysis of the Causes and Consequences of Unemployment in District Peshawar. Journal Of Social Sciences & Humanities, 1(1 & 2), 85-97.
Carpena, F., Cole, S., Shapiro, J., & Zia, B. (2019). The ABCs of financial education: experimental evidence on attitudes, behavior, and cognitive biases. Management Science, 65(1), 346-369.
Chigunta, F. (2017). Entrepreneurship as a possible solution to youth unemployment in Africa. Laboring and learning, 10, 433-451.
González-Chica, D. A., Adams, R., Dal Grande, E., Avery, J., Hay, P., & Stocks, N. (2017). Lower educational level and unemployment increase the impact of cardiometabolic conditions on the quality of life: results of a population-based study in South Australia. Quality of Life Research, 26(6), 1521-1530.
Lee, J. O., Horwood, L. J., Lee, W. J., Hackman, D. A., McLeod, G. F., & Boden, J. M. (2020). Social causation, social selection, or common determinants? examining competing explanations for the link between young adult unemployment and nicotine dependence. Nicotine and Tobacco Research, 22(11), 2006-2013.
Saleem, A., & Hussain, S. (2018). Socio-Psycho Impacts of Unemployment on Educated Youth: A Case Study of Lahore City. Pakistan Administrative Review, 2(2), 267-275.
Srivastava Ms, P. (2019). Crime, unemployment and society in India: insights from rape data. Undergraduate economic review, 15(1), 17.