Please Critique
*PLEASE GIVE FEED BACK USING ALL 3 BULLET POINTS ON BOTH ESSAYS*
- Locate the essay’s thesis. Is it implied or explicitly stated? Does it establish a focus and purpose for the narrative?
- Is each paragraph organized around one key point or idea? Do topic sentences clearly indicate the focus of each paragraph?
- Does the author include sufficient supporting details and imagery? Do you have any suggestions for improvement?
1. The Comic Shop
The place that is close to me is my local comic shop. The comic shop’s name is Comic Vault. It is located in the center of town of Altoona, PA, which is about a 30-minute drive from my current location. There are many things that can be done in this shop, and I have fond memories about this shop and my love of comics. But what is nice about this shop is that it has more than just comics, and I will explain later about those things.
The first memory that I am going to talk about is the day is when I first went into the comic shop. I had driven by and noticed the comic shop on the corner of the street, and I was curious about what they had inside. So, my wife and I parked the car, and we both went in to look around. It has been a while since we had a comic shop in my local area, so I was thrilled to go in and look around. After we got in, I found many things that I liked about the shop. Among those things were seeing boxes of older comics, comic book materials like bags and boards, and trading card games with figurines. I didn’t buy anything that day since I was just looking around.
My second memory of being in the comic shop was when they were having a Free Comic Day. This day they had several different one-shot comics that didn’t cost anything, and you could take as many as you wanted. What was nice about that day was there was people dressed up as Deadpool, Stormtroopers, and other characters from comic books. That day I had taken one copy of each free comic to add to my collection of comics.
My third memory of being at the comic shop was a day when they had illustrators there to sign picture and comic books. The one that stands out the most is the day they released Detective Comics #1000 to the public. What was nice about it is that they made a variant cover of that comic book with the comic shop building on the cover just for that shop. I had gotten a book with that variant cover and have it signed by the artist that did the cover. I have it packaged nice with the rest of my collection so that it can gain value.
A lot of the comics I have gotten from Comic Vault are in my four boxes of comics that I have put away. Am starting my fifth box here soon as I get more comics for my collection.
Lastly, the other things that can be done at the comic store is playing Trading Card Games like Yu-Gi-Oh! or Magic: The Gathering. I have sold cards for both games at the comic shop to make store credit to buy more comics.
In conclusion, the comic shop is my preferred place to enjoy and if you have a comic store near you and you want to check it out then do so and see what kind of things that you can find and enjoy.
2. My Favorite Place
My favorite place is in new Braunfels Texas downtown in the middle of the strip old buildings surround it. This place is my favorite because it holds my safe place with a deceased friend that was also my soulmate her name is Gail. My friend and I were lowkey together in a foster facility called TLP it is a transitional learning program designed to help young adults get jobs and learn to be independent. Gail and I were at the park a few miles from the house we stayed in as roommates she was teaching me how to catch crawfish by the steam once I got the gist of picking them up by the mid-section of their bodies we decided to put the little guys in a white Styrofoam cup we found and walked back to the house filled up a plastic clear tub with water dumped the critters into it sat on the floor watching them talking about life. I guess neither one of us realized how bad the creatures were stinking up the house because we were separating them since one poor guy lost a claw and a facility worker came in the room started yelling at us since she saw me trying to slide the tub under my bed. She made sure we understood that by morning we had to take them back were the came from, so we walked past my favorite spot and headed to the park to do as she asked of us. By the time we were at the park the sunlight stopped kissing our skin and grew more and more distant we were both still in the water then I saw a snake and freaked out, so we decided to go home. Sadly on the way back not even halfway through the park Gail started talking about her ex-girlfriend and I admit I got heated so I brought up mine. My mindset was basically if I make her upset like she just made me then she will understand how it feels but that didn’t turn out good and she said something that really hurt my feelings so I picked up pace and I stopped at the spot…..
This was a beautiful old structure standing tall before me green lights posted around lighting up the bricks that seemed to have a few windows made into the foundation with marble smooth surfaces on the stars and white pillars tall and firm as if it was meant for a Greek mythology story and a rusty red roof fitting on top like a hat. As I descended up the stair, I sat close to the left side and my eyes were locked on Gail’s eyes that looked like warm pools of honey turned into dark chocolate she held my gaze and sat on the opposite side to my right. Crickets filled the air and occasionally the light post surrounding us would flicker it was quite enough to hear cars speeding up from a distance. This was the first time I sat on the gazebo. The part I love most is how Gail never left my side even if we had been fighting, we looked into each other’s eyes and I noticed hers had softened and I know mine did once I saw her kind of like we were subliminally apologizing and we both got up and walked home. I always look back to that memory to that spot and I know I’ll be ok Gail died in 2017 as far as how it happened, I can’t say to anyone but the fact that she never left me even in a darker moment was how I remember her love for me she didn’t have to stay with me she choose to and that is rare where I’m from and how I grew up so that spot is a reminder of home a reason why I look at life and choose to love in a selfless way.
A place that I have never forgotten which is also my favorite place is in New Braunfels Texas this place is important to me because of the person who I shared this memory with so, to start this out my friend Gail and I were at a park downtown we were taking crawfish back to this park the day after she showed me how to catch them by grabbing them from the mid-section of their little bodies and we lived in a foster facility called TLP it’s a transitional living program we just so happened to have met in a facility before we went to this place and became roommates. When we caught the crawfish, I have no clue why she said let’s bring them home and put them in a white Styrofoam cup she found near the water. Once we got home, we got a clear plastic tub and filled it with water put the creatures in it sat and talking just watching them we had to separate a few because one lost a claw but the smell was bad enough to have a worker enter our room and yell at us to take them back tomorrow when the suns up. I’m happy we got yelled at because that’s what lead up to this memory and most people wouldn’t understand why a bad memory is my favorite, but I’ll get to that soon. As we were walking to take the critters back where they came, we had an argument you see I was in love with my best friend and we had a history long before this placement she brought up her ex-girlfriend and I got jealous because I was in love and we were lowkey together and didn’t want anyone to find out we liked our privacy. When the sun stared to fade into nightfall we were in a screaming match and I stared to walk back to TLP she fallowed me in silence. There was this gazebo smack dead in the middle of downtown new Braunfels Texas it was old but beautiful most of the people who lived in town used it as a wedding venue or for special occasions on any other ordinary day it was just a nice structure made with bricks white posts and a rusty red roof that looked like a top hat. I decided very impulsively to walk up the stone walls stepping on the marble floor stairs and sat on the right side I slid on the floor and just hugged my knees to my chest because I felt heartbroken mind going 20 miles per hour all while looking Gail dead in her chocolate brown eyes that looked like pools of honey just hours ago from the natural UV rays shining down sun kissing our skin. She slowly walked across from me on my left side her eyes just as locked on to mine we held each other’s gaze then I finally started to fiddle with my shoes before seeing the green pools had flickered lighting up the area. Then as soon as I got up, she at once fallowed me, and we walked home the night chirping of crickets filling my ears and went to bed as soon as we were in our room. The real reason that old gazebo is my favorite place is because I learned that even when Gail and I had issues she never left me instead she sat with me giving me time to cool off. She stuck by me and growing up the way we did it was important and rare to meet someone who would do such a thing I look back at this memory when I’m having a bad day and I know I’m not alone and Gail died in 2017 from reasons I cant share but I carry that with me because it just made an impact on me in a way I can barely even begin to explain let alone express with words