Personal Statement Edited and Revised

Please edit my draft personal statement and revised them and add more vividly details to demonstrated the main idea of my personal statements. 

1. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

When the mailman dropped the letters into my mailbox, I knew that my job was coming. After the mailman went away, my mother walked out of the kitchen and said:” go check the mailbox and see if there is any important letter. “ I took a thick stack of letters out of the mailbox, tore them open, and translated them to my mom.

 

I am the only person who can understand English in my family, so translating has become part of my daily task. Everytime my mom would give me a stack of letters and ask me to tell her what the letter is about.  I was not good at translating in the beginning. Whenever I looked through the words and tried to rephrase it to my dialect, I just couldn’t translate it word to word. Sometimes, I stammered when I explained them to my mom.  After years of accumalation, I realized that translating is not necessary to translate word by word, instead translate what you think it means. I always thought that it was important to translate every single word, which gave me a hard time translating.

Translating is something that I do often and it is slowly becoming one of my skills.  I never thought I can utilize it as a useful tool when it comes to helping people in school. It was an orientation for new students, and the school needs some volunteers to do translation for both Chinese and Spanish. I 

signed up as Chinese translators, and I was able to translate fluently from English to Chinese.  I am so glad that I can help those students and parents better understand our school system. 

0. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

  My family and I came to the United States when I was 8 years old. Just like other immigrants, we moved here to seek a better life and better education for me and my sister. When I first stepped foot on this land, learning english has become the most significant challenge I have faced throughout the ten years. 

I remember the first year I got into elementary school, I was shaking by sitting down in the classroom where anyone speaks a language that I was not familiar with. I sat there quietly to watch other kids playing around and laugh together. At that time I was hoping I could find someone who speaks Chinese in the class.  I was doing poorly in the class due to the fact that I did not understand every single word of the assignment. I felt nervous when someone tried to talk to me. My mind went blank when the teacher picked on me to answer his questions. 

It’s not easy for me to adapt to the new English environment as a foreigner. Sometimes I feel I am an outsider because I cant properly communicate with my classmates. I wanted to be able to play with those kids, I wanted to be able to order the cheese corn from the Mexican lady.  I wanted to understand what my teachers said in the class. I struggled with this language barrier, and I asked myself: Why don’t you try harder to learn it?

After self-reflection, I decided to take actions. I asked my mom to buy me a translator so that I can translate word to word. I looked for help from my teacher whenever I could not understand my homework.  After a year, I was able to catch up in the class and got my first A in my report card. 

0. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

The very first day of my sophomore year, I saw a girl crying at the cafeteria when my friend and I were on our way to the Chinese class. She was snuffing, and I could see tears were rolling down from her cheek.  People around the cafeteria started and whispered about her. By looking at her appearance, I can tell she is Chinese. Therefore, we came toward her and tried to comfort her. 

“ What happened?” (In Chinese)

“ Today is my first day in this school, I’m feeling lost, and I don’t know how to talk to people.” she answered in a tearful voice. Suddenly, I felt like I was seeing myself from the past. On my first day of school in America, I almost cried out in the class, but I was lucky that my teacher and some of my classmates can speak my first language. Many immigrants came to this new place that they aren’t familiar with. They all come here to start a new journey , so do I. 

From my experience, I understand how hard it can be to adopt a new learning environment. Thus, I decided to help those immigrant students who needed help in school. My friend and I formed a study club, and I have printed many mini posters to encourage people to join in. In the club, we incite people to speak English, ask questions about homework and lectures. We would gather together twice a week after school, we shared information about school events, scholarships, and class arrangement. 

I was happy that my little study club can actually help these students throughout the High school year. Most important of all, I realized that a little small thing can really make differences in so many ways. I look forward to contributing more to better this society as much as I can. 

0. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

 

       “ Stop playing on your phone, do your homework” My father yelled at me. 

I stared at him, tried to put my phone aside, and whispered: “ You always say that to me.” 

Ever since I was a kid, I was always being told that you can only succeed if you work hard enough to get into a good college. I understand the meaning behind those words, and I have been pushed by my parents for doing well in school. My parents are undereducated workers who endured the exhausting daily job: washing dishes in a restaurant. They can’t speak English at all, which makes it even harder to get a well paid job in this country. I value and cherish everything I have because I know every penny that they make is the hard-earned money for this household. My parents always supported me unconditionally, but they would not spend a penny on themselves. 

“ Mom, why are you sewing your clothes?” I asked.

“I can’t spend too much money on clothes, money needs to be spent on other things.” She replied. 

 

My parents always make sacrifices to make life easier for me. By growing up in a working-class family, I have learned that only by hard work can better the condition over time. Therefore, inspired by the selfless and diligent parents that I have, I became a person who unconditionally helps others and values the simple pleasures of life. But, most importantly, I value education, because I know it will lead me to success.