Final assessment ENGL 135
Fin
a
l
A
s
sessment:
R
evisi
ng
the
Your Work
600 to 800
words
Value:
15
%
Due:
Friday
,
August 21
at
11:55 PM (23:55) PDT, with
a
24
–
hour grace period
You have surely discovered over the course of this term (
and
perhaps from earlier writing experiences),
that
a piece of writing is never really done; that is,
you
could always
make
changes, improvemen
ts
,
tweaks,
and
revisions
.
For
your
final assessment, yo
u have the chance to reflect on the “finished
”
version of
two
major
assignmen
ts
to suggest
all
the ways in which you would
revise
them
.
You
will
then
revise
ONE
of these
a
ssignment
s for reassessment.
Instructions and Expectations
1.
Get a clean copy of
at l
east two
your assignments
(by opening up the file
s
on your compu
ter
WITHOUT
my comments
), and read
them
carefully. As you read
them
over, make notes
about
what
YOU think could be more effective.
Make
a
list
of what you notice.
2.
Next,
reread my feedback
on these assignments. Take notes about
how
you might address
areas
I
identified as needing improvement
and
expand on
areas that
worked
well
.
3.
Then start to
revise two
of your assignments
. R
emember,
not all of my comments
may be
suitable
to guide
your
revision, but they may help
. What comments particularly resonate with your sense of
how the
assignment
could be improved? What steps would be necessary to make these changes?
Keep notes on what you are thinking.
4.
Now, write
a
rough draft of a letter
(feel free to start it “Dear
Randy
”
—
your audience for the
letter is me, your instructor
) in which you
list the
most important revisions
you will
make in two
of your assignments
. Prioritize
major
issues (like content, argumentation, and arrangement) over
minor
issues (like comma usage or citation formatting).
See page 2 for examples of major and minor
changes.
5.
Revise your letter
not only
to describe
the revisions
you
will make,
but also to present an argument
about
why
these revisions seem effective and appropriate
. Much like with your previous
assignments, you need
to provide
explanation
s and
evidence
to support
claims about which revisions
you would make. In other words, you need to tell me
why
the revisions you’re making are the most
important ones to make and
how
those revisions are going to improve your paper.
6.
Edit and proofread
your
revision letter
.
7.
Make all the revisions
you suggested in
ONE assignment.
If the revisions are
MAJOR
,
then you
may earn up to a 2% increase in the grade on that assignment
in addition to the grade you get on this
Final
Assignment
(your grades will
NOT
be lowered).
8.
Submit
(1) your letter
and
(2) your revised assignment
in the correct file format
. C
ongratulations!
You finished the course.
Note: What you will end up producing here is an example of a type of academic writing that is often invisible to readers. When an author sends a piece of research-based writing for peer review (like you have to do to have your work published in a peer-reviewed academic journal), it is common for the reviewers to state that revisions are needed before the article or essay can be published. Along with the revisions, the writer of the article usually sends a letter listing the revisions requested, describing how those requests were responded to, and suggesting how the changes they made improved the piece.
|
Examples of major changes |
Examples of minor changes |
|
· Re-arranging paragraphs · Reordering content within a paragraph · Choosing new or different evidence · Adding or reworking your analysis, discussion, or explanation of evidence · Adding new material to make a concept or claim clearer for your readers · Deleting a section or paragraph to replace it with something different |
· Fixing punctuation errors · Substituting a different word choice · Adding a transition word or phrase · Changing passive voice to active voice · Correcting citations |
The Marking Rubric for all AWR assignments can be found here (how I grade your writing beyond assignment completion):
https://www.uvic.ca/humanities/english/undergraduate/resources/firstyeargrading/index.php
Revisions & Revision Letter Grading Rubric
|
Content |
Organization |
Style |
|
|
Excellent · 80% and above · 80/100 and above |
Accurate and detailed discussion of revisions. Very effective coverage of how revisions will be achieved. Revisions are appropriately independent of instructor comments and show strong ability to self-assess. There are substantially more major revisions than minor. |
Logical and coherent sequence. Well-developed sentences and paragraphs. Topic sentences, transitions, and other features used effectively to reinforce organization. |
Clear, effective, and coherent sentences. Precise and interesting vocabulary. Appropriately formal tone and diction. Few or no errors of spelling, grammar, punctuation, and word choice. |
|
Competent · 70% to 80% · 70-80/100 |
Substantial discussion of revisions. Effective coverage of how revisions will be achieved. Revisions are mostly appropriately independent of instructor comments and show good ability to self-assess There are more major revisions than minor. |
Logical and coherent sequence, but not ideal. Effective sentences and paragraphs, with only minor weaknesses. Topic sentences, transitions, and other features used effectively. |
Appropriate word choice, sentence structure, and tone, generally successful at communicating writer’s intentions. Minor errors of spelling, grammar, punctuation, or word choice, which do not impede understanding. |
|
Developing · 60% to 70% · 60-70/100 |
Adequate discussion of revisions. Adequate coverage of how revisions will be achieved. Revisions are somewhat inappropriately dependent on instructor comments. There are more minor than major revisions. |
Logical sequence with some gaps in ordering or coherence. Some weaknesses in sentence and/or paragraph structure. Transitions and other features generally used effectively, but not entirely consistently. |
Some poorly structured sentences and/or errors in one or more of spelling, grammar, punctuation, or word choice that are not substantial enough to impede comprehension. Some lapses in formal tone or academic diction. |
|
Weak · 50% to 60% · 50-60/100 |
Limited but accurate discussion of revisions. Limited coverage of how revisions will be achieved. Inappropriate overdependence on instructor comments. Limited evidence of self-assessment. |
Significant deficiencies in organization and coherence. Substantial number of ineffective or missing transitions. |
Substantial sentence structure and/or diction problems. Significant errors in one or more of spelling, grammar, or punctuation that occasionally impede comprehension. |
|
No credit / fail · below 50% · less than 50/100 |
Little or inaccurate discussion of revisions. Little or inaccurate coverage of how revisions will be achieved. No evidence of self-assessment because student only corrects in an unreflective way based on instructor comments. |
Pervasive deficiencies in organization and coherence. Few or no logical transitions. |
Major deficiencies throughout in one or more of clarity, coherence, syntax, or vocabulary. Frequent errors in two or more of spelling, grammar, punctuation, or diction, such that they consistently impede comprehension. |
Final Assessment: Revisi
ng the
Your Work
600 to 800
words
Value:
15
%
Due:
Friday
,
August 21
at
11:55 PM (23:55) PDT, with a 24
–
hour grace period
You have surely discovered over the course of this term (and perhaps from earlier writing experiences),
that a piece of writing is never really done; that is, you could always make changes, improvements,
tweaks, and revisions. For your final assessment, yo
u have the chance to reflect on the “finished”
version of
two major assignments
to suggest all the ways in which you would revise
them
.
You will then
revise ONE of these assignments for reassessment.
Instructions and Expectations
1.
Get a clean copy of
at l
east two
your
assignmen
ts
(by opening up the file
s
on your compu
ter
WITHOUT
my comments
), and read
them
carefully. As you read
them
over, make notes about what
YOU think could be more effective. Make a list of what you notice.
2.
Next,
reread my feedback
on these assignments. Take notes about how you might address areas I
identified as needing improvement
and
expand on
areas
that
worked
well
.
3.
Then start to
revise
two
of your assignments
.
R
emember,
not all of my comments
may be
suitable
to guide
your
revision, but they may help
. What comments particularly resonate with your sense of
how the
assignment
could be improved? What steps would be necessary to make these changes?
Keep notes on what you are thinking.
4.
Now, write
a
rough draft of a letter
(feel free to start it “Dear
Randy
”
—
your audience for the
letter is me, your instructor
) in which you
list
the
most important revisions
you
will
make in two
of your assignments
. Prioritize
major
issues (like content, argumentation, and arrangement) over
minor
issues (like comma usage or citation formatting).
See page 2 for examples of major and minor
changes.
5.
Revise your letter
not only
to describe the revisions you
will
make
,
but also to present an argument
about
why
these revisions seem effective and appropriate
. Much like with your previous
assignments, you need
to provide
explanation
s
and
evidence
to support
claims about which revisions
you would make. In other words, you need to tell me
why
the revisions you’re making are the most
important ones to make and
how
those revisions are going to improve your paper.
6.
Edit and proofread
your
revision letter
.
7.
Make
all
the revisions
you suggested in
ONE
a
ssignment
.
If the revisions are
MAJOR
,
then you
may earn up to a 2% increase in the grade on that assignment
in addition to the grade you get on this
Final
Assignment
(your grades will
NOT
be lowered).
8.
Submit
(1) your letter
and
(2) your revised assignment
in the correct file format
. C
ongratulations!
You finished the course.
Final Assessment: Revising the Your Work 600 to 800 words
Value: 15%
Due: Friday, August 21 at 11:55 PM (23:55) PDT, with a 24-hour grace period
You have surely discovered over the course of this term (and perhaps from earlier writing experiences),
that a piece of writing is never really done; that is, you could always make changes, improvements,
tweaks, and revisions. For your final assessment, you have the chance to reflect on the “finished”
version of two major assignments to suggest all the ways in which you would revise them. You will then
revise ONE of these assignments for reassessment.
Instructions and Expectations
1. Get a clean copy of at least two your assignments (by opening up the files on your computer
WITHOUT my comments), and read them carefully. As you read them over, make notes about what
YOU think could be more effective. Make a list of what you notice.
2. Next, reread my feedback on these assignments. Take notes about how you might address areas I
identified as needing improvement and expand on areas that worked well.
3. Then start to revise two of your assignments. Remember, not all of my comments may be suitable
to guide your revision, but they may help. What comments particularly resonate with your sense of
how the assignment could be improved? What steps would be necessary to make these changes?
Keep notes on what you are thinking.
4. Now, write a rough draft of a letter (feel free to start it “Dear Randy”— your audience for the
letter is me, your instructor) in which you list the most important revisions you will make in two
of your assignments. Prioritize major issues (like content, argumentation, and arrangement) over
minor issues (like comma usage or citation formatting). See page 2 for examples of major and minor
changes.
5. Revise your letter not only to describe the revisions you will make, but also to present an argument
about why these revisions seem effective and appropriate. Much like with your previous
assignments, you need to provide explanations and evidence to support claims about which revisions
you would make. In other words, you need to tell me why the revisions you’re making are the most
important ones to make and how those revisions are going to improve your paper.
6. Edit and proofread your revision letter.
7. Make all the revisions you suggested in ONE assignment. If the revisions are MAJOR, then you
may earn up to a 2% increase in the grade on that assignment in addition to the grade you get on this
Final Assignment (your grades will NOT be lowered).
8. Submit (1) your letter and (2) your revised assignment in the correct file format. Congratulations!
You finished the course.
1
Staying true to Rowan’s Law: how changing sport culture can realize the goal of the
legislation
Summary
A rugby player’s death due to a series of head injuries leads to the formation of
Rowan’s law which requires the removal of young concussed players and concussion
education to individuals involved in youth sport (Burt C, 2001). But certain elements of
sports culture render it ineffectual. Taking pride in overcoming and pushing through physical
adversities as part of the sports culture has stigmatized prioritizing brain health over the game.
A head injury should not be treated like skeletomuscular injuries as the aftermath of the
former can be much more drastic and permanent (Kroshus & Baugh, 2008). Despite the
increase in concussion education, athletes continue to play at risk as seen in research that
shows that under-reporting in high schools remained consistent despite the passing of Lystedt
Law. Even after removal from the game, Rowan’s law does not stipulate medical clearance to
return to play, nor are there any qualification requirements for the person-in-charge of RTP
policy compliance. To avoid conflict of interest, an independent physician must be involved
who is well suited for the problem and is concerned with the patient, not the athlete (Kroshus
& Baugh, 2008). Nevertheless, noncompliance with policies has led to the use of vague terms
to avoid concussion diagnosis. Quite a few prominent athletes are striving to change sports
culture to be more inclusive of brain health, but it is still not enough. Rowan’s law will be
impactful only when all people involved work to reduce the stigma and uphold concussion
policies.
1.1
1.
2
1.
3
1.
4
1.5
1.6
2
Persuasive Response
This article is concerned with the efficiency of brain health in sports and aims to
convince and educate the reader about various elements of the sports culture that hold players
back from prioritizing their health. There is no doubt that the passing of Rowan’s law is a
considerable step forward in promoting brain health in sports. However, as McCradden and
Cusimano argue, merely educating people about concussions and removing young, concussed
players from the field will not be enough unless these elements of the sports culture are not
changed.
As students, almost all of us have played some kind of sport and are very familiar
with the “no pains, no gains” and “smile through the pain” mentality that is prevalent in the
sports world. According to research, sports-related injuries are the cause of 2.6 million annual
emergency hospital visits by people between the ages of 5 and 24. These youth players make
up 68% of the total injured players (Burt, 2001). Every year, 30,000 traumatic sports-related
injuries in the United States are brain injuries (Green, 1997). According to another research,
where 146 players from 6 different ice hockey teams were surveyed before and after
receiving concussion education. It was found that, despite an increase in knowledge, the
intent to continue playing despite injuries decreased by an insignificant amount. The attitudes
towards concussion remained almost the same (Kroshus & Baugh, 2008). This proves the
authors’ argument that merely concussion education is not enough to change attitudes and
promote brain health in the youth, and shows that their arguments are well researched.
As minors, the decision to return to play lies with many people such as parents,
physicians, and coaches. However, after the age of consent is reached, the ultimate decision
lies with the player even when a physician advises against it. A worth-mentioning case is of a
19-year-old Ontario hockey player who returned to play despite being medically advised not
2.1
2.2
2.3
2.4
3
to and ended up receiving the same injury after five weeks (Menta, Roger, & D’Angelo,
2016).
As the authors stated, there is no proper criterion for Return to play policy. This is
proven by a research conducted in 2016 in which RTP definition and policies were searched
on seven popular medical databases. It was revealed that only half of them contained any
definition of RTP. The criterion for RTP decisions varied widely on all databases, all of
which were unverified (Van der Horst, van de Hoef, Reurink, Huisstede, & Backx, 2016).
This shows the lack of Healthcare and the need to reach a definite consensus about RTP in all
sports.
All of these issues exist despite the existence of Rowan’s law. All the arguments
provided by the authors of the article as to why it is ineffectual were well researched and
easily provable by public data. The transparency of the issues also validates their concerns for
the health of young players as it seems that nothing is being done about it (Menta, Roger, &
D’Angelo, 2016).
Audience Description
My audience was a fellow classmate who claimed that through Rowan’s law,
concussion education and removal of injured players should be enough (Menta, Roger, &
D’Angelo, 2016). He claimed that, as no one is more concerned about a person’s health than
that person himself, everyone would take the knowledge seriously and prefer their brain
health over a game. Therefore, research and statistical data are being used to persuade them
otherwise.
3.1
4
References
Burt, C. (2001). Emergency visits for sports-related injuries. Annals of Emergency Medicine,
37(3), 301-308.
Green, T. (1997). Sports-related recurrent brain injuries–United States. Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention, USA, 46(10), 224-227.
Kroshus, E., & Baugh, C. (2008). NCAA concussion education in ice hockey: an ineffective
mandate. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 48(2), 1-6.
Menta, Roger, & D’Angelo, K. (2016). Challenges surrounding return-to-play (RTP) for the
sports clinician: a case highlighting the need for a thorough three-step RTP model.
The Journal of the Canadian Chiropractic Association, 60(4), 311-321.
Van der Horst, N., van de Hoef, S., Reurink, G., Huisstede, B., & Backx, F. (2016). Return to
Play After Hamstring Injuries: A Qualitative Systematic Review of Definitions and
Criteria. Sports Medicine, 46(6), 899-912.
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Index of comments
1.1 Include your name and identify the course on all assignments. See the “How to Format” video in Week 3.
1.2 Tense: use the past to discuss past events.
1.3 Make sure that you introduce the article and the authors somewhere in the summary.
1.4 Indicate that you found this reference in the article by McCradden and Cusimano by adding “qtd. in. Be sure to
include the page number in your parenthetical citations. This applies to all the references.
1.5 Introduce and explain this new concept.
1.6 Good focus on conclusions and implications.
2.1 This clear identification of the authors and their main argument would have been helpful in the summary.
2.2 Word choice: article or study
2.3 Good use of evidence here.
2.4 Misplaced modifier:
https://www.trentu.ca/academicskills/how-guides/how-edit-your-writing/grammar-and-style/misplaced-
squinting-and-dangling-modifiers
3.1 Note that the assignment guidelines specify 300-500 words for the persuasive response. You have exceeded
this number by a wide margin.
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Alex, your summary is very informative, and your persuasive response makes effective use of evidence from the article. This is good work, but your parenthetical references need to be more precise and your explanations in the persuasive response need to be more concise (note that the assignment guidelines specify 300-500 words). These parameters are meant to help people focus and tighten their writing. See my marginal comments for some specific advice about how to repair the citations and clarify some of your points.
Annotated Bibliography
Alex Liang
ENGL135 A03
Source 1:
SK Lipson, K. S. (2017, January). Eating disorder symptoms among undergraduate
and graduate students at 12 U.S. colleges and universities. Retrieved from
Science Direct:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1471015316302586
Annotation
In this article eating disorders and their associated symptoms are discussed in
the students. The article highlights include that no gender difference is noticed; it also
added that sexual minority males, overweight students, most commonly have eating
disorders. It also stated that eating disorders lead to weight gain. To find out the truth
to these statements, they researched by experimenting with U.S college students, and
9713 students took part in 12 colleges. Males and females both took part in eating
disorder questionnaires, and the topic given to them was binge eating. Participant’s
certain characters were taken under consideration like the age of the students, their
degree and the level of their degree, their orientation sexually, ethnicity and race, first-
generation status, citizenship, academic and extra-curricular activities, and their body
weight. These characters were taken under consideration to evaluate his daily
activities and the amount of work he does daily. The results were very surprising. For
1.1
1.2
1.3
binge eating, it was 49 % for females and 30 % for males. And for compensatory
behavior, it was 31 % for females and 29 % for males, but as mentioned in the article,
everyone gained weight overnight and were obese by the end of the research. After
completing the research, these individuals were compared with those having a healthy
weight. From this comparison, 3.5 % of males and 2.0 % of females were affected.
Comparing it with binge eating, 2.1 % of males and 1.9 % of females were affected,
and in the use of compensatory behaviors, 1.5 % of males and 1.3 % of females got
affected. But according to the article, the researchers concluded that obese students
are important targets of campus-based eating disorders. Campuses do not provide
healthy food. Unhealthy food given to students is not good for their health and mind.
Unhealthy eating leads to poor concentration in studies as well, and also that the
smallest gender difference lies in the distribution of eating disorders.
Source 2:
Marta Plichta, M. J.-Z. (2020, January 15). Orthorexic Tendency and Eating
Disorders Symptoms in Polish Students: Examining Differences in Eating
Behaviors. Retrieved from MDPI: https://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/12/1/218
Annotation
This article discusses orthorexia nervosa, which leads to eating disorders.
Research shows dietary patterns and other eating disorder symptoms leading to
orthorexia nervosa. A cross-sectional survey was held in 2017. 1120 Polish college
students did it. The survey was about orthorexia nervosa and eating disorders. The
eating habits of the participants were discussed first. There were several questions
2.1
2.2
2.3
2.4
2.5
about their meals and the frequency of meals. The questionnaire regarding factor
analysis was conducted in which these five dietary patterns were evaluated are the
refined foods with high content of sugar, meat and their related products, products
with high fiber, alcohol, milk related dairy products and white bread with whole meal.
With this research among students, different categories were found. Students
with orthorexia and without eating disorders were having more healthy eating patterns
than those with eating disorders and without anorexia nervosa category. According to
the article, special diets increased the risk of orthorexia nervosa and eating disorders.
Students with orthorexia nervosa and without eating disorders and with orthorexia
nervosa and eating disorders less frequently intake high sugar and refined products.
Students who seldom eat meat and related products are less likely to have orthorexia
nervosa and eating disorder. So different eating habits lead to different problems.
Some cause orthorexia nervosa and eating disorder both, while some only cause
orthorexia nervosa. From the research, 28.3% of students were found with orthorexia
nervosa tendency. While 50.7% with eating disorder symptoms. 58.7% did not eat
their meals regularly. 61.1% eat four or more times in a day. 70% of students have
their meals every 3-4 hours. More females have their meals every 3-4 hours as
compared to males. No gender difference was observed for eating habits, according to
the article. Similarly, no gender difference was observed in skipping meals, and
12.6% of students claimed to have a special diet.
Source 3:
3.1
3.2
3.3
Dunn, M. (2019). Eating Disorders at School. Retrieved from Accredited schools:
https://www.accreditedschoolsonline.org/resources/student-eating-disorder-
resources/
Source 4:
Machin, D. A. (2020). Eating Disorders Resources for College Students. Retrieved
from AC Online: https://www.affordablecollegesonline.org/college-resource-
center/eating-disorders/
Annotation
In this article the authors have discussed different types of eating disorders
which are present in the college students. According to the article 4-10% of boys and
10-20% of girls in college are suffering from different type of eating disorders. 27%
of men and 44% of women in college diet to lose weight, and 19 and 20 years of
students suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Anorexia nervosa is a fatal eating disorder.
People with it have a severe fear of gaining weight. They restrict their calories and
have extremely low BMI. Bulimia psychological disorder. A person eats a lot of food
at once and then eliminates it via cleansing, including vomiting, excessive exercise, or
supplements. Binge eating or so-called overeating is most common. People with this
disorder do not have control over themselves and the amount of food they take in. It
causes serious physical and mental diseases. Orthorexia includes healthy eating and
proper exercises. Men usually suffer from muscle dysmorphia in which they have the
urge to build their muscles stronger and big by taking extreme steps. Diabulimia is
4.1
4.2
4.3
4.4
another disorder that is due to diabetes type 1. Insulin allows the patient to lose
weight.
Reflection
I wanted to research the types and number of people that are currently
suffering from food disorders and because students are most careless out of all
generations, so I find suitable “Eating disorders in students” to be the topic of my
research. The keywords for my topic are “eating disorders,” “college health,” “binge
eating,” “bulimia nervosa,” “anorexia nervosa,” “diabulimia,” “adolescent,”
“orthorexia nervosa” etc. I have used a renowned source for my research, and I know
publishing dates. I have used most recent articles. 2 writers wrote this article based on
research conducted, and the other 2 gave information about its types and warning
signs. My first source is a wide information analytics business that helps
organizations, and the article was published in 2017. The reason for choosing the
second article is that it is from the institution of human nutrition sciences. It was most
recently published on 15 January 2020. Malia Dunn is a famous female writer. I
choose her article for my third summary, and the fourth one is from Dr. Ariane
Machin. She is a well-known writer and counselor. These are recent articles. The
publication date is very important for an article because it helps find the information
related to the specific year. The purpose of choosing recent articles is that all the
information should be recent and up to date. All points made by the authors are
extracted from proper research and published in popular journals in the field of food.
Information and sources are very authentic.
5.1
5.2
5.3
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Index of comments
1.1 This is a good start on APA formatting, but the placement of the authors’ initials is unclear. Please see the
attached PDF for guidelines on how to cite a web article (some other information is missing or incorrectly
formatted).
1.2 Your introductory statements highlight some key information, but more information about the article’s main
purpose and context would be helpful.
1.3 Word missing: “and”
2.1 Note that APA style requires parenthetical citations for every time you quote, paraphrase, or reference material
from an article (author, date, and page or paragraph number). You will need to include these citations in your
research paper.
2.2 Not true. There are healthy food options. How is this relevant to your topic of orthorexia?
2.3 Your annotation is informative, but it’s not fully clear how this information informs your research paper (see
assignment instructions).
2.4 Add a brief definition/explanation of orthorexia nervosa.
2.5 Adding some transitional phrases would help you to highlight the relationship between your main points:
3.1 Unclear: words missing?
3.2 See previous notes about missing parenthetical citations.
3.3 These statistics are interesting, but it’s not clear what the study’s findings amount to. How will you draw on this
research in writing your own paper?
4.1 Are you sure these are reputable sources? How can you tell?
4.2 See comments in the previous annotation about parenthetical citations and adding transitions.
4.3 Sentence fragment.
4.4 This information would have been helpful in your previous annotation.
5.1 This annotation features some helpful information, but it doesn’t explain the source’s overall purpose/findings
or the relationship between this source and your own research.
5.2 Run-on sentence: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/independent_and_dependent_claus
es/runonsentences.html
5.3 Do you mean reputable?
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Alex, your annotated bibliography highlights some key information from your sources; however, it does not explain the overall purpose and argument these sources or how these sources inform your own argument. Note that while all four sources are credible, they are all popular sources: the assignment guidelines specified a minimum of two peer-reviewed articles. Please review the attached PDF on APA citations (you will need to include complete bibliographic citations and complete parenthetical citations on future assignments). My marginal comments provide some further suggestions and resources that may be helpful going forward. It’s clear that you have identified an promising topic and gathered some relevant information, yet some more focused attention to citation and to assigned requirements is needed. If you have questions about assignment requirements, please don’t hesitate to ask
How to write a summary
Sounds boring but isn’t
Greetings, fellow earthikins! You have watched the previous Prof Moment Lecture about Summarizing, Paraphrasing and Quoting. Today, let’s take a look how you will go about writing a summary. But first, a little background.
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Keep in mind:
Summary: a highly condensed version of a text that sums up, or distills, the main points of the text into a new and shorter version of the original.
main points
highly condensed
Basically, there are two types of summaries. The stand alone summary and the embedded summary.
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Start your summary with a clear identification of:
Main point in the present tense.
The Title
Conventions of a Summary
The type of work
Author
In the PowerPoint lecture, How to Write a Summary, Professor Randy Lawrence explains the necessary steps to write an academic summary.
Conventions of a Summary
Example:
In the PowerPoint lecture, How to Write a Summary, Professor Randy Lawrence explains the necessary steps to write an academic summary.
Conventions of a Summary
Example:
Add the crucial important points covered in the original work.
Conventions of a Summary
Always paraphrase when writing a summary.
To use a quote, the original phrase must be so important or unique that it cannot be paraphrased.
These direct quotes MUST be in “quotation marks”.
In the PowerPoint lecture, How to Write a Summary, Professor Randy Lawrence explains the necessary steps to write an academic summary. Lawrence emphasizes that a summary must clearly identify the original source (type, title, author and main ideas). He also outlines a writing strategy that focuses on reading, understanding, and outlining the main points of a source, then write multiple drafts to produce a clear, concise summary.
Conventions of a Summary
Example:
Do NOT include personal ideas, opinions, or interpretations into the summary.
Conventions of a Summary
Summarizing academic writing means representing the work in a fair and balanced manner.
You will have a chance to respond, but NOT now.
5. Include a bibliographic citation. Please include citations for all assignments in this course.
(Thanks to Washington State University for some of this information)
4. Write using “summarizing language.” The author claims, suggests, argues, etc.
3. Write a first draft of the summary without looking at the article.
2. Outline the document or subject of summary
1. Read the article be sure you understand it completely.
Summary Writing Process.
Summary Writing Process.
Target your rough or first draft for approximately ¼ the length of the original and then edit down from there.
Edit down to the length requested in your assignment.
Do the summaries and paraphrasing exercises in the Summaries and Paraphrasing Forum.
And now for your assignment…
After the exercises move on to the Major Assignment One: Summary And Persuasive Response later this week.
For your Major Assignment One, you need to pick a peer review article to summarize. (you will also write and response to the article, but that comes later.
Paraphrasing/
Quoting Sources
A Little Advice
Consider this not only help to make your upcoming research paper as strong as possible, but also to help you write an excellent summary.
Once you determine the materials you are going to use in your paper, then you are ready to summarize individual items, putting the ideas you have read in your own words.
Here is what you need to do to summarize your sources. You will practice this in your practice summary assignment in the discussion forum.
Thanks to How to Write Anything for some of this information.
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What are we up to today?
Reviewing summarizing and learning citational practices, such as paraphrasing and quoting (although all three are related).
Learning how to discuss what THEY say
Reviewing the objective
voice.
So today I will be Reviewing summarizing and learning citational practices, such as paraphrasing and quoting (although all three are related).
Learning how to discuss what THEY (other authors) say
Reviewing the objective voice.
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To start: Narrative voice
First Person: I, me, we, us
Second Person: You
Third Person: he, she, it
First, I am sure you have noticed that whenever you are going to write, you must choose a narrative perspective.
The most overt way to provide a perspective is through the strategic use of your narrative voice. You might be surprised (or not) to learn that the personal pronouns you choose indicate your narrative perspective AND connection to the reader.
What (rhetorical) effect do the following personal pronouns achieve? That is, what effect do certain personal pronouns have on the reader?
Which voice does what? Take one minute and think about what you know about each voice.
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First and second person
First and second person closes the distance between the narrator (which, in this case, is you) and the reader.
These pronouns create connection. Traditionally forbidden in formal academic writing, first and second person pronouns are beginning to be allowed.
This change is likely due to the influence of social media.
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Objective voice
Third person has perceived objectivity. The third person voice is the most common narrative perspective in academia.
Third person perspective creates the illusion of rhetorical distance between the writer, the argument, the evidence, and the reader.
By “hiding” the writer behind the third person voice, the ideas are front and centre.
Of course, this distance is a myth. No writer can be completely objective and using the third person voice does not make the information any more objective or trustworthy, it just provides the illusion of objectivity. Wherever you land in this philosophical debate, please know that for many disciplines, particularly in the sciences and social sciences, you are expected to use third person voice. Even in the humanities, when you write a formal academic paper, you need to stick with the third person voice as much as possible (although this rule isn’t as strict in the humanities).
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Always Cite What You Paraphrase
A paraphrase — rewriting another’s writing in your own words.
You are borrowing intellectual property, so cite it.
A paraphrase needs to remain faithful to its source.
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Example
Original
I want to consider one sort of semantic change, the kind of generalization that has affected literally and hundreds of other words. It has been occurring for a long time, often draining meaning until no echo of the word’s roots remains, and I suspect that it is occurring more rapidly in this age of electronic communication. I want to consider it from a particular point of view—as a usage problem, but also as an aspect of what Edward Sapir, more than seventy years ago, described as “drift.”
—Robert Gorrell, “Language Change, Usage and Drift,” English Today
Take a minute and read this quote from Robert Gorrell. And NOTE, when Gorrell mentions “literally” he is specifically referring to word “literally” He is NOT saying affected literally hundreds of words, but affected the word literally and hundreds of other words. I only say this that when I first read this passage years ago, I misread it.
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Grill (2009) discusses one sort of semantic change, the kind of generalization that has affected literally and hundreds of other words (12). This semantic change has been occurring for a long time, he believes, and he suspects that “it is occurring more rapidly in this age of electronic communication“ (15). In this work, he “[considers] it from a particular point of view—as a usage problem, but also as an aspect of . . . ‘drift.’”
Example
Now let’s take a look at this example of a paraphrase from the Canadian Style Guide.
Note that there is paraphrase and direct quotation in this sample. And Both are cited. Not citing is an academic offense.
There are some good things and not so good things about this summary. Let’s look at the bad things.
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Example
Grill (2009) discusses one sort of semantic change, the kind of generalization that has affected literally and hundreds of other words (12). This semantic change has been occurring for a long time, he believes, and he suspects that “it is occurring more rapidly in this age of electronic communication“ (15). In this work, he “[considers] it from a particular point of view—as a usage problem, but also as an aspect of . . . ‘drift.’”
Now let’s take a look at this example of a paraphrase from the Canadian Style Guide.
Note that there is paraphrase and direct quotation in this sample. And Both are cited. Not citing is an academic offense.
There are some good things and not so good things about this summary. Let’s look at the bad things.
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Example
Gorrell (2009) describes a type of “semantic change” that linguistic relativist Edward Sapir once called “drift” (p. 15). Gorrell’s basic premise is that words can gradually lose their meaning over time, and, in turn, pick up or gather new meanings. The example he uses is the word “literally,” which originally meant the literal or exact meaning but is currently used to emphasize strong meaning.
One: the name is correct.
Two: Note that the only the terms are quotes, while the rest of the sentence is paraphrased in the authors own words rather than lifted directly from Gorrell’s original quote.
Three: And the rest of the paraphrase describes Gorrell’s underlying premise is a clear and concise manner.
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When to Use Direct Quotations and How to Integrate Quotations into Sentences
Now let’s take a look at when to Use Direct Quotations and How to Integrate then into sentences.
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What are quotations for?
Quotations should only be used when a source cannot be paraphrased without losing the meaning. You should try to translate your evidence into your own words to avoid the evidence from taking over your paper.
There is only one real reason to use a quotation in a summary, and that is when a source cannot be paraphrased without losing the meaning. You should try to translate your evidence into your own words to avoid the evidence and quotations from taking over your paper.
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What are quotations for?
“Quotations” should only be used when “a source cannot be paraphrased without losing the meaning.” You should “try to translate your evidence into your own words to avoid the evidence performing a coup and taking over your paper”.
If your summary looks something like this… you need reconsider your approach.
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I have an idea for you…
Introduce
Document
Explain
Assess
IDEA!
A summary is a template
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The Academic Writing Spices and Seasoning
Your own words provide the base or body of the writing.
The quotations provides the evidence to make your writing stronger and more persuasive.
Quote Dumping is like dumping a cup of paprika in your favourite recipe.
Nobody will like your cooking or believe your writing.
Think of using quotations as the spices and seasoning of your academic writing.
Your own words provide the base or body of the writing.
The quotations provides the evidence to makes your writing stronger and more persuasive.
Excessive quotes, called Quote Dumping is like dumping a cup of paprika in your favourite recipe.
Nobody will like your cooking or believe your writing.
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Introduce the quote effectively. If you can’t introduce the quote effectively, then paraphrase.
The quote should be integrated into your sentence to eliminate quote dumping or dropped quotes.
I.D.E.A.
Introduce the quote effectively. If you can’t introduce the quote effectively, then paraphrase.
Ideally, the quote should be integrated into your sentence. This will immediately eliminate quote dumping or dropped quotes where a quote is simply dropped into a paper without introduction or explanation.
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Examples: “Dr. Schmoe reiterates, “yaddah yaddah”
OR
“After lengthy usability tests,” explained Bill Gates, “we truly thought Windows X would be awesome!”
I.D.E.A.
Ways to integrate in a sentence include the old standby: “Dr. Schmoe reiterates, “yaddah yaddah“ or “After lengthy usability tests,” explained Bill Gates, “we truly thought Windows X would be awesome!”
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I.D.E.A. is a way of “framing” the quotation:
Rhetorician, Gerald Graff says, “To adequately frame a quotation, you need to insert it into what we call a ‘quotation sandwich,’ with the statement introducing it serving as the top slice of bread and the explanation following it serving as the bottom slice”.
And this is why direct quotes clutter a summary. Note this example. See how the excessively long quotations from Graff doesn’t not summarize, but rather dumps full sentences into the summary.
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I.D.E.A. is a way of “framing” the quotation:
If you don’t do this, then all you have is filling and that’s messy…
If you don’t do this, then all you have is filling and that’s messy…
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Explain the quote.
Usually the explanation for the quote appears at the end of a direct quote; however, the explanation can also appear at the beginning.
I.D.E.A.
When you start… you need to explain the quote.
Usually the explanation for the quote appears at the end of a direct quote; however, the explanation can also appear at the beginning. Find the way you are most comfortable with.
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As astute readers, I am sure you are aware that Professor Lawrence does not always use proper citation methods when quoting from sources in his slides. While Lawrence realizes he risks setting a poor example, he “firmly believes students need information provided cleanly and coherently, they do not need me to provide a works cited in the lecture, but to look at my PowerPoint and know where the information can be found for easy reference – a lecture is not a paper”. The preceding quote is yet another example of Lawrence‘s bare-fisted approach to teaching where function, not form, is the “name of the game.”
Introduce and Explain
Assess
I.D.E.A.
Document
So quickly read at this example:
Note the introduction and the explanation.
Then, the documentation.
And finally, the assessment.
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Run-in or integrated quotations (that blend into the sentence) are the most “sophisticated form of quoting sources” (Lawrence).
Quotations may require brief or extensive explanation, but they always require one.
Please make sure you place quotes with care and precision… they can make or break your paper.
I.D.E.A.
Run-in or integrated quotations (that blend into the sentence) are the most “sophisticated form of quoting sources” (Lawrence). And this is an example of a integrated quote. Note how the sentence flows. The quotation marks indicate the direct quote, but don’t disturb force the reader to stop and start as they read.
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To sum up
Mainly use the objective voice in most academic writing, but it depends on the genre.
Quotations should be paraphrased when possible.
Direct quotations need I.D.E.A. to avoid quote dumping or dropping.
Always cite your sources.
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