Discussion Board Questions

 After reading Straub and the Peer Workshop Powerpoint, please complete three (3) of the following threads with a minimum of 100 words each.  

1.  I have put four questions for the Peer Workshops on the Powerpoint. Which question is going to be the hardest to answer and why? What question(s) would you like to see added to future Peer Workshop sessions? 

2. In your own words, what is the difference between local and global errors? Give examples. 

3. Straub gives a lot of good advice in his piece. What is the best piece of advice he gives in the reading and why?

Peer Workshopping

Definition of Peer Workshop

A Peer Workshop is an activity where you exchange work with your peers in your class and offer each other feedback.
Most of you will have done this previously.
The main idea of a Peer Workshop is to get other perspectives on your work.
However, Peer Workshops are for suggestions and opinions. You are NOT grading each other. That’s my job.
Think about Peer Workshops as an opportunity to give advice.

Types of Errors
Local Errors
Local errors are small, things that only effect a localized part of the paper.
Examples of some local errors:
Grammar
Punctuation
Sentence Structure
Mechanics
Formatting
Global Errors
Global errors are large and effect the entirety of the paper.
Examples of some global errors:
Organization and Flow
Following the Prompt
Clarity
Creativity
Engagement with the Audience

What to Comment On
Global Errors First
Since global errors effect the entirety of the paper, these should be the first things you comment on and look for.
These are more difficult for students to comment on sometimes, but think about yourself as a reader, not a teacher.
Respond as you read. Is it clear? Are you having problems with understanding something?
Local Errors- Do Not Ignore
While local errors are not as detrimental to the content of a paper, they are much easier for students to comment on.
Try not to point out every instance of a repeated error. Once is enough.
Think about what is going to be the most helpful and what you would like feedback on.

Positive vs. Critical Comments

Many students are unsure about whether to give positive or critical comments or both.

The answer is both. You should react like a reader and respond as a friend.

Give advice that you would want to receive.

This means that only giving positive comments is just as unhelpful as giving all critical comments.

Think of this as a partnership where you are a reader who wants to help the author get the best grade possible. What would you tell this person about what works and about what doesn’t in order to help boost their grade?

Workshopping on Blackboard

Because we’re using Blackboard, we will be doing our Peer Workshops there via a program called Turnitin.

You already submitted your drafts there.

As of now, the Peer Review window is open.

You should be assigned one paper automatically and then you will pick two others of your choice.

You should be able to comment directly on the paper, however, there are also four questions to answer to help guide you.

The Questions
Here are the four questions so you are prepared. You will answer these for each paper you review:
In your opinion, what is the biggest strength of this paper?
What global errors do you see in this paper?
What local errors do you see in this paper?
What is your overall opinion of this paper?

That’s It!
That’s basically all there is.
Your reviews are due by Friday.
Make sure you also have read Straub’s piece to give you even more advice on what it means to be a good peer reviewer.
As always, if you run into problems, please email me or visit my Zoom Office Hours!
Good luck!

Responding-Rea Ily
Responding-to Other
Students’ Writing

~. . ~ .
RICHARD STRAUB

• Straub, Richard. “Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students’ Writ-
ing.” The Subject Is Writing. Ed. Wendy Bishop. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/
Cook, 136-46. Print.

Framing the Reading

Richard Straub was an Associate Professor of English at Florida State University prior to his
unurnely death in 2002. His special area of research interest was responding to student
writing. He wrote a number of articles and books on how teachers can respond effectively
In student writing in order to help students grow and improve. The short piece you will
It’ad here takes what Straub learned about responding to writing and explains it directly to
students. It was originally published in a textbook for first-year students, so you’ll see that
he speaks directly to you, giving you explicit advice about what to do.

Getting Ready to Read

Before you read, do the following activity:

• Consider your experiences with “peer review.” What has gone wrong? What has
gone well? What is your attitude about peer review?

1\5 you read, consider the following question:

• Does Straub’s advice set up peer review differently than your previous experiences
did?

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Okny. You’ve got a student paper you have to read;1I1d make comments on for Thursday. It’s not
sOllwlhing you’re looking forward to. But tbat’s nlrighl,
YOII Ihin k, Then.: isn’t really all tJ,at much to it,.J IIsl k,·(·p
it ~illlpl,·. Rl’ntl il qllickly and mark Wh01(,Vl’I’ YOII ~I’I’
S;IY HOllwlhing nhoullhc introduction, SOI11l’lililill “hlllli
(1(‘101il~1111<1(''';lmplL's. Itlt'ns YOll C:111 say yllli Iii I 1\1111 :llIy I~PIl' ,llId "Iwllllll; ('11'01". Ml1kl' rllll! 1111111111III

16

!tUIIARI> “‘flAtHI HI’~IHlIlIlIllq It. ,lily H. 1″ 1101111 t I’ 1)1111r 5t1ld”111~’ Wlltlll” 11

hi 11’1. Ahhu-vi.u e where possible: aiul«, (,(lUr/III/'” •.I.!illl’ ex. (rag. Try to imu.uc
till’ h”,ILlin, Murk wh,u he’d mark 311(.1sound III-t’ he’d sound. But be cool ;lholll
II, 1)1111’1pr.uxe .mything really, but no need to get harsh or cut throat either, (,,’1
III .11111gel out. You’re okay. I’m okay. Everybody’s happy. What’s the problem?

I hi” I’, 110doubt, A way of getting through the assignment. Satisfy the te:ldw,
IIId 1111vurpriscs for the writer. It might just do the trick. But say you want 10
dll,I good lob. Say you’re willing to put in the time and effort-though time IS
111-\111.uul you know it’s not going to be easy-and help the writer look back Oil
till’ p”1wr and revise it, And maybe in the process learn something more your
“, II .Ihollt writing, What do you look for? How do you sound? How much do
\011 I,”

How Should You Look at Yourself as a Responder?
( IIIl”dn you rscl f a friendly reader. A test pilot. A roommate who’s been asked 1
III IlIllk over the pa per and tell the writer wba t you th ink, Except you don’t jut.;t
1••k”lIlltht role of The Nice Roommate orThe Ever-faithful Friend and tell her
w h.II “hi’ wants to hear. This all looks good, J wouldn’t change a thing. Th(·I’/’
‘If”~” / ,IIII’ll’ places that J think he might not like, but I can see u/hat YOII·rt·
f/”””!’! 11)(‘/’1′. I’d go with it. Good stuff. You’re supportive. You give her till’
h,”,”,il of the doubt and look to see the good in her writing. But friend .. d01l’1
It I fllI’lld~think their writing is the best thing since The Great Gatsby .uul Illn
,11111’111·.IdtlWII1 to think that all is fine and well when it’s not. Look to lu-lp till
IIII’IId, litiS roommate writer-okay, this person in your class-to gel .1hi III I
1””1” 01 writing. Point to problems and areas for improvement bUI do II III II
“1Il~11I1{I IV!.! way. See what you can do to push her to do even more th,11I ..III”
,111111′.uul ~In-rch hcrscl f as a writer,

What Are Your Goals?
111…” d01l’1 Sl·t out to seek and destroy all errors and problems in the writing.
”'”‘1” 1101 .in editor, You’re not a teacher. You’re not a cruise missile. And
d,,”‘t II’WI ill’ .my parts of the paper. You’re not the writer; you’re a reader, Oil”
III 11l.IIIY,The pnper is not yours; it’s the writer’s. She writes. You read. Sh« il>
III III,Iq\I’ of Wh:H she does to her writing. That doesn’t mean you can’t mnke
IIl\gl’\IIIIII’>, It” doesn’t mean you can’t offer a few sample rewrites here .ind
1111II’, .1′, models. But make it clear they’re samples, models, Not rewrites, NOI
,dll”. NIII c orrccrions. Be reluctant at first even to say what you would do if till’
“.11,,”1 W”Ii’ yours. It’s not yours, Again; Writers write, readers read and show
1\11,11IiIl’Y’Il’ understanding and maybe make suggestions, What to do instcnd:
IOll~ .It YOIII’ tilSk ns n simple one, You’re there to play back to the writCI’ how
111111I’lld 11.” paptl’: whnr you gOI rrnlll il; wh(1r you found inrercl>tinp,; WIlI’ll’
11111WI’,,· 1I11li”lIk,·d; wllt’rc YOli W,”II(‘d IlI()I’,’. With this dOllc, YOIl cn” go 011 10
1″11111tllil p,’ohll’lIls, nsk qlll’slill”~.l)fI”1 .IdVll·l” ,1I1d wontlL'” Olltlolld willi 1111′
\111111.tllIlIll IWI’ i(k.I~. Look III IIl’1p 111111111’11111″ tlli’ wriling or l’IIlOllI’.IIW h”1
III Willi, 1111~I)IIH’ IIIIIII\~ ,l\ ,I WI 111’1

18 IlIlIlIehllllOillo till’ (OIlVI,I~,’IIOIl

How Do You Get Started?
l\rlml’ YOIi lip nud start reading the paper, !,Ihc’ .1 IIllllIllc (,Ih 11′,ht, til” ty sec
onds) to make a mental checklist about the crrcutuvt.um« CII till’ wnung, the
l·()llIl·X~. You’re not going to just read a text. YOU’l’l’ gOlllg It) 1′(‘.,,1:1 Il’XI within
il Cl’rln.1II context, a set. of circumstances that accompany [he writing and that
you. hri ng to your reading, ] t’s One kind of writing or another, designed for one
audience and purpose or another. It’s a rough draft or a final draft. The writer
io;.1rying to be seriou~ or casual, straight or ironic. Ideally, you’ll read the paper
with an eye to the circumstances that it was written in and the situation it is
looking to create. That means looking at the writing in terms of the assign-
ment, the writer’s particular interests and aims, the work you’ve been doing in
class, and the stage of drafting.

• The assignment: What kind of writing does the assignment call (or allow)
for? Is the paper supposed to be a personal essay? A report? An analysis?
An argument? Consider how well the paper before you meets the de-
mands of the kind of writing the writer is taking up.

• The t~riter.’s.interests and aims: ~hat doe~ the writer want to accomplish?
If she s wnung a personal narrative, say, IS she trying to simply recount a
I~ast experience? Is she trying to recount a past experience and at the same
time amuse her readers? Is she trying to show a pleasant experience on the
surface, yet suggest underneath that everything was not as pleasant as it
seems? Hone in on the writer’s particular aims in the writing.

• The UJork of the class: Try to tie your comments to the concepts and
strategies you’ve been studying in class. If you’ve been doing a lot of work
on using detail, be sure to point to places in the writing where the writer
uses detail effectively or where she might provide richer detail. If you’ve
been “-,,or.king 011 develop.ing arguments through examples and sample
cases, mdlcate where the writer might use such methods to strengthen her
arguments. If you’ve been considering various ways to sharpen the style
of your sentences, offer places where the writer can clarify her sentence
structure or arrange a sentence for maximum impact. The best comments
will ring familiar even as they lead the writer to try to do something she
hasl~’t quite done before, or done in quite the same way. They’ll be com-
forting and understandable even as they create some need to do more, a
Ileed to figure out some better way.

• TIJe stage of drafting: Is it an early draft? A full but incomplete draft?
A near.’Y final dr~ft? Pay attention to the stage of drafting. Don’t try to
deal With everythlllg all at once if it’s a first, rough draft. Concentrate on
Ihc large picture: the paper’s focus; the content; the writer’s voice. Don’t
worry about errors and punctuation problems yet. There’ll be rime for
(hclll later. Jf it’s closer to a full draft, go ahead a nd talk, i 11 nddi( iOIl 10 lhe
oVl’I’:lll tontent, lll?out nrrnllgement, pacing, and sentcnn’ ~Iyll” Wllil lill
~IH’ (111:~1dr.afl to I-\IVt’ l!llllll ,lltl’lltion to fine-tuning Sl’nll’lIll’~ ,11111dc.:llillg
111til’I,1l1 wllh 1’1’11(1111′.1111111\.Hl’111(“cnbt’r: YOlI’rc: flot .1111’1111111II 01\1 (“(‘~I’
“c·llIl’IlU’II·V”‘ClII …. IIIIIIClllnIUIII, lor Ilw wciln.II'” IICI fI’Ili I \lId ,111’\
1\111111\III 1t.1I1I III ..t 1,\ ell III t.llg j1lohll’lm .llIcllll,.klllf’ 111111\\11.11.1111\1….

“I’ ItAItIl !.IIIAIItI HI’ ‘1’”.HIlIIII III Illy II. P’ II illi I I (III” I ‘)IiIlI~I’1 I W, IIIIIi( 1’1

Wh t to Address in Your Comments7
II~ lei till “” YOlIIl.ol1lllH.’nts Oil a couple: 01,111′,’ .. of writing. (.b’lle tllI’Olll’,1e ”
1111 ]I ‘PI” ‘Iltlt kly first. (;(‘1 un idea whether you’ll deal mostly with the OVl’I.ell
ltllllc’lIl ,I lid purpose of the writing, its shape and flow, or (if Iht!>l’ arc Ilion’
III It~.. til OIdl’I’) with local matters of paragraph structure, sentence style, IIlId
1111111.11’….. DOII’t try to cover everything that comes up or even all insLllh.I'”

III ‘”,.Vl·1I p. ohlcm. Address issues that are most important to address ill Ih”
I’ ‘PI I. II Ih” I IIIll’.

Wh r to Put Your Comments?
‘01111’ 1I’11l IIl’rs like to have students write comments in the margins righl III'” 7
Itl 1111′ 1′.1″~;lgc·. Some like to have students write out their comments i,l .111
,lid 111111’til III il separate letter to the writer. llike to recommend using hOlh
11111 ~\III.” lO1l11l1l’IIIS and a note or letter at the end. The best of both worhl-;
M 1I1\11,.II (11I11111(.’I1ISallow you to give a quick moment-by-moment 1“(·”dll1): cd
1111 “”1’1’1. I’IIl’Y make it easy to givc immediate and specific feedback .. )’IHI ..t ell
“I\C tel mu]« sure you specify what you’re talking about and what YOIi 1″lvc
III lill),. hili (h(‘y save you some work telling the writer what you’re ilddll’~S
1I1~ .1I1l1 .illuw you to focus your end note on things that are most iIl1P0I’I.II’1
( 1II1IIIH·III… 11 Ihc end

How to Sound?
NIII Ilk,’ ,I ll’jll;lll’r. Not like a judge. Not like an editor or critic 01 ,hOIl\1I11 H
(Wlllddll’, YOII wall1 someone who was giving YOll comments not tn S(lIllId Ilkl’
, II III hl’I’\ I’I·d pCII, a judge’s rlilin.g, an editor’s impatience, n critic’s WI”t h, .1
h’>11\IIII\ IlI.ISI?) Sound like YOll normally sOllnd wben you’re spcnking with”
lilt lid III ,llqlHlinlllncc. T::tlk to the wr.iter. You’re not” just marking liP n Ic’\(;
\1111’11’ 1l··.Plllldil1g 10 til(‘ writer. You’re a reader, a helpcr, a COllt’:II-\III” ‘Iry til
I1lIl1d ‘Ikl’ \OI1H’OIH’ who’s a reader, who’s helpful, and who’!, c:.:ollt-gi,II. SliP
I'”III\C’ Alld 1(‘l1It'”II1(,’r: Even when you’re tough and dC111<1f1dingYOUl.III 'Iill I... 1I"POlltVI·.

Huw Much to Comment?
111111’1lie .,III’I:Y. W, ill’ Illn,1 01 ) 11111I 11I1l11l”III~0111 ill hell ,1.llt·IIll’III\. 11I\ll’IId III Ij
\\.IIII’g IWII 1)1 tlllc’l welld~. WIlli \I’\C 11111111\111 11I’1I·.1l101 1I11t1·llIg(1111) 11111
11111I I 1111IIlit III ,1111111111VIIII’,elll. 1 \\11,1 \tlllll,I\,·tC1~.I\ .1I,dllll’lIgllh.hlllll’l

JO IIIlIolill(11011 III 1111′ (OllVI,,,.,llhlll

till’ sr.uvmcm nnd explain what you menu UI wh~ >”” ~,lId II III uuu: orlu-r ;11
tcru.u ives. Let the writer know again and agnlll how, “” ,III III II Ii I~t.lIhl”‘l-\ her
paper, what YOLltake her to be saying. And elaboi.ue “” y.,”1 k(‘), c onuncnrs,
l-xplain your interpretations, problems, questions, and ndvu c.

Is It Okay to Be Short and Sweet?
No. At least not most of the time. Get specific. Don’t rely on general statements 10
alone. How much have generic comments helped you as a writer? “Add detail.”
“Needs better structure.” “Unclear.” Try to let the writer know what exactly
the problem is. Refer specifically to the writer’s words and make them a part of
your comments. “Add some detail on what it was like working at the beach.”
“J think we’ll need to know more about your high school crowd before we
can understand the way you’ve changed.” “This sentence is not clear. Were you
disappointed or were they disappointed?” This way the writer will see what
you’re talking about, and she’ll have a better idea what to work on.

Do You Praise or Criticize or What?
Be always of two (or three) minds about your response to the paper. You like 11
the paper, but it could use some more interesting detail. You found this state-
IIH:nt interesting, but these ideas in the second paragraph are not so hot. It’s
,111 alright paper, but it could be outstanding if the writer said what was really
bothering her. Always be ready to praise. But always look to point to places
that are not working well or that are not yet working as well as they might.
Always be ready to expect more from the writer.

How to Present Your Comments?
Don’t steer away from being critical. Feel free-in fact, feel obliged-to tell the 12
writer what you like and don’t like, what is and is not working, and where you
think it can be made to work better. But use some other strategies, too. Try to
engage the writer in considering her choices and thinking about possible ways
to improve the paper. Make it a goal to write two or three comments that look
to summarize or paraphrase what the writer is saying. Instead of telling the
reader what to do, suggest what she might do. Identify the questions that are
I’nised for you as you reader:

• Play back yOllr way of understanding the writing:
This seems to be the real focus of the paper, the issue you seem

most interested in.
So you’re saying that YOLlrealJy weren’t interested .in her

rOI1U’Il1cically?

• T(‘llll’>L’1’yOlll’ criticisms:
‘l’hi~ sl’nl(‘I1l’t’ i” n hil hnrd to follow.
1’1111101 “”11′ IIII~ 1′,11,11\1’011’11 is 1I~·l’l”’S:lI·y.

1111IIAHU ‘>”lAIH! 1(,~IICJIIIIIIICI1(1 ,lly II 11111111111I III (11111’1,I “delliS’ Wllllllq :11

• Utll’l .ulvu r:
II IIl1nlll h~’lp In add :111 (·’<,Impl,· hl'1l'. 1\1.1) Ill' ....IVl·ilu ...sentence for the end of Ihl' paper.

• ,\..J qlll·”lrr’II …, especially real questions:
Wh.11 (‘I”t’ Wl’I’Cyou feeling at the time?
Wh.11 kind ot friend? Would it help to say?
Do yuu need this opening sentence?
III wh.n ways were you “a daddy’s little girl”?

• 1’111.1111nnd follow up on your initial comments:
YOII IlIi~lll present this episode first. This way we can see whnt YOIl

nU,’:IIJ when you say that he was always too busy.
l luw did you react? Did you cry or yell? Did you walk away?
II” .. makes her sound cold and calculating. Is that what you want]

• ()fIr’1 “(lllll’ praise, and then explain to the writer why the writing WOIb:
(.ond opening paragraph. You’ve got my attention.
(.Clod detail. It tells me a lot about the place.
l lrkc the descriptions you provide-for instance, about your ~1.111l1

111111 her cooking, at the bottom of page 1; about her house, ill 11ll’
Il1lddlc of page 2; and about how she said her rosary at niglrl:
“quick but almost pleading, like crying without tears.”

How Much Criticism? How Much Praise?
, lI,dll’llgI’ )’OIII’St’lf In write as many praise comments as criticisms. WIIl’II ) 1111 I I
1’111′,1′,I”.IIW well. Think about it. Sincerity and specificity are evcryrhnu; Wltl II
” \ IIIIH’ III ,I coruplimcnt.

How Much Should You Be Influenced
by What You Know About the Writer?
« 1111,1111’1IIII’ pcrxon behind the writer when you make your comments. II ,IH’\ II
11,,1d.lIll· 0,11 W(·11 in class lately, maybe you can give her a pick-me-lip ill YOIII
\ 111111111III.. If .. Iw\ shy and seems reluctant to go into the kind of P(‘I”’IIII,rI
,II I III Iltl’ p.ljll’1 I>n’I11S to need, encourage her. Make some suggesl ion, 01 1(,11
hi I wll,lI yllll would do. If she’s confident and going on arrogant, sec wh:ll yllil
I III rill III t lI,tlkllgt’ her with the ideas she presents in the paper. Look 11l1’01III I
‘Ie” ·,111’III.IY l1ut have thollght f1bOllt, and find ways to lend her [(11.1111,,,1,’1
Ihl III 1\lw’IY~ Ill’ 1·,'[llIyto look at the lext in terms of the writl’I’lwhi”d IIll’ 11·,1

(.I’lld (OIIlIIH’111s,Ihis list inA shows, require a lot from :l 1’t’;ldl’l’. 1\,,1 YOII
rlClII’11i.1Vl’ 10 III~”‘” :\ cht’ckliNI ()lll 01 IIIr’sl’ SIIAA(‘slions and g() Ihrolll’,1r (‘illil
IlIIi Ilh’t!ICldll.dly .IS YOIIl·l’nd.ll\ 1I111111illghow tll(‘Y nil sln!’1 t’OIlIilll’.llIl’,I·lhl’l
\\ Ire II )1.11 10(11 III YOIII’I·’·…pllll’.(· II’, ,I \VII)’ 01 Illlkll1g with till’ wl’ih’l’ “‘(‘I’IIIII~ly
,h””1 tI” \’111111111\.lC’lIudinj\ IHIW ~IIIII 1″ 11l·IIII’ IIH’ wllld~ qll II,,· 1”’1′.” ,lIld

‘1’1. llIlIlIcilllllUl1l11 tilt· (wIVI'””lIol1

glVlllg Ihl’ wntci I.,OI1ll’thlllgto think about for revision. Till’ 1111111 \1111 \I'” (‘x-
,1II1pl(‘sof thoughtful commentary and the more you try 10 do II )’11111”1(’11, the
III000eyou’ll get J feci for how it’s done.
l lcrc’s ,1 SCI of student comments on a student paper. They were dOIlL’in the 16

last third of a course that focused on the personal essay and concentrated on
helping students develop the content and thought of their writing. The class
had been working on finding ways to develop and extend the key statements
of their essays (by using short, representative details, full-blown examples,
dialogue, and multiple perspectives) and getting more careful about selecting
and shaping parts of their writing. The assignment called on students to write
an essay or an autobiographical story where they looked to capture how they
see (or have seen) something about one or both of their parents-some habits,
attitudes, or traits their parents have taken on. They were encouraged to give
shape to their ideas and experiences in ways that went beyond their previous
understandings and try things they hadn’t tried in their writing. More a per-
sonal narrative than an essay, Todd’s paper looks to capture one distinct differ-
ence in the way his mother and father disciplined their children. It is a rough
draft that will be taken through one or possibly two more revisions. Readers
were asked to offer whatever feedback they could that might help the writer
with the next stage of writing (Figure 14-1).

This is a full and thoughtful set of comments. The responder, jeremy, creates 17
himself not as a teacher or critic but first of all as a reader, one who is intent on
saying how he takes the writing and what he’d like to hear more about:

Good point Makes it more wllikely that you should be the one to get caught. Great
passage. Really lets the reader know what you were thinking. Was there a reason YOli
were first or did it just happen tbat way? Would he punisb you anyway or could you
just get away with things?

He makes twenty-two comments on the paper-seventeen statements in the
margins and five more in the end note. The comments are written out in full
statements, and they are detailed and specific. They make his response into
lively exchange with the writer, one person talking with another about what
he’s said. Well over half of the comments are follow-up comments that explain,
illustrate, or qualify other responses.

The comments focus on the content and development of the writing, in line 18
with the assignment, the stage of drafting, and the work of the cOllrse. They
also view the writing rhetorically, in terms of how the text has certain effects
on readers. Although there are over two dozen wording or sentence-level errors
ill (he paper, he decides, wisely, to stick with the larger matters of writing. Yet
even as he offers a pretty full set of comments he doesn’t ever take control over
Ihe lext. Ilis coml11ents are placed unobtrusively on the page, and he doesn’t
try 10 dose things down or decide things for the writer. He offcl’l-. prai~c, en-
1.011l·ngCll1l’nl, and direction. What’s more, he pushes the wrill’l to dlllllOrt,th:111
11(‘ ha~ illrl’ndy dOlle, 10 extend the boundaries of his e”~’IlIIlI.lIIlIIi. III kl’cping
“‘llh lilt’ ” ….i~nI1H’nl nntl the largt’r gO:1ls of Iht: c()urs(‘, lit’ lldl”‘111 IlIdd III S(‘V
(‘j·:tlloIlIIlH’IIIS 10 (“plo,'(‘ thl’ 11Iojivlltiom IIlId IWI·”Ollltlill(,.,I’1 “‘1111 ill, P,II’I’IIIS’
ddl”II'” \”>,IV’ 01 tll’l ‘1’111 illig’

IjCJUI 14 I

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1\\,,111″ HI.

“Uh,oh”
Wllt'” I (“Ih’d home from the police station 1 was praying that my

“,11″‘1 wl1l1ld ,H1~W(‘11111’ phone, lie would listen to whal I had to say and
wIIIII,1 11’111 I comply, logical, and in a manner lhat would keep my mother
IIUlII ‘,III’,llIlllIq hrl IWild orr. II my Mother was to answer the phone, Iwould
h,IVI

1 Ilk” ,h’, I’iI’.I”, .•/,”
1, Imtll’II/,f!ttl,Y ‘~t.
thttl’illtrl”r”ttlmtt’0 ,you iHltl “I.”
produ” •• ” IJloh1f” ,,,
t.hlf rutlffr'” mImi

Whon I W,lSeleven years old [ hung out with a group or boys that
WI’I” ,llmll\tlhree years older lhan me. The five of us did all the things thai
,”I1I1(IIIII1IC(‘\ or there actions than I did.] you .ho,M~. ,1,.

on, t:o “”” C1wo”tMy Irirnds a nd I would always come home from school, drop our _
11,11~I’tltk’ off and head out in the neighborhood to find something to do. Whn’o

I 111(‘~l my friends there and we began to search the different houses
lOll wllu

il,l( II Iho,e we noticed thal the shed had been broken )n to previ- Orlll,III Itl., 1″1/ ”
1III’,ly. 1hi’ iOlk on fl had been busted on the hinges were bent. 1 opened Ihol W”Y
Ih,’ tiOtH IlIlhe shed and stepped inside to lake a I.ook around while my
1111’1111\w,lill’d outsIde, Il was dark inside but I could tell the pl.ace had
hll”11 11111~’lfkod,tliNe WDS nothing to take so 1decided to leave. I heard my
Idl”Hh ‘..IY \unorlhing so turned back around to site of them running away.

(rolllllllll”/)

~’I\1’1 \ 1111u)llld ~lIy Illore,,~ [()why YOll think your mom is like this. Did yOlll’ d.HI
III IllIt 1111HII1I(‘ ,… ,I k.d ‘0 he knows what it’s like? Explain why he rcacrs as Ill’ dOl””

IIt I j 1 lll’ltd, Ihollgh, nOI 10 ~

I’. ell ‘II .. 111111’,·1111YOllr understanding of why your parcnts rcact as Ihey do. Whllt
I,ti.,. ihllll:.. ,ltd ylll! dll to gt’l inro troublc? Or is it irrelevant?

1111111 1.111111 lil””h Itl’rakes on the task of reading and responding :lIId k’ilVI’s
Ih, \ lid III “‘lllllIg ,\lId revising to Todd.

1t”11l~’~ 1″‘,PtHIM’ is not ill a class by itself. A set of COOllIIl’lllS to 1’lHI ,til 1’1
111111111111,11′ 1II1’I”dd’~ paper, ‘lie might h:wc done well, (or installcl’, to l’l’lllg

“‘ l 1111\\ IIIII~ II 11m p,lJwr work, 1)(,l’:ll1M’ of the W:1y Todd ;11’1 ;)lIgt” Ilw ‘11111)
III .1I1t101 “”Vt’ dUIII’ IIltll,(‘ 10 p(lilll In Wit,lt\ 1101 worki,,!!, ill thl’ writillg III
1111”,”1.1 “”III,1I1t III wOlk 1,..1 Ii'” I k IIl1gltllt,lVi’ ,1.,ki·t!’lhdd 10. Ilion’ dl’I,III~

”'”111 III’ ‘,I,ill’ ot II II lid Wlt(’11 II( g.lt IlItll’,111 It” tlH’ pOIIU’.lIilll ,II III wled,’ 11(‘ w.I’
I IIII’ lit ItI.11 til” 1’0111″ ,,1,11 illll, II, ‘”II’,1t1 111\1 tlll\,’d !tllll 111111’1′ 11I1I”t1~I’ll’ll.lIl1
It IIII” ‘. lit 11111’.111 I 1″‘IIIt,IVI “lid. 11,,”1 III 1111111 “,1111111” .. “‘lilt 11i1l11l·dllllll

:M 11,'”111111 111111 til ,III’ ””’VI’I~,’IIUII

(,’Ullllllllf’t!) fly”,. III I

I IhulI~htlhat they were playing a Joke on me III , ‘,I’,II,llIy WIlh,1
out only to see a cop car parked near one of lilt’ hllll\r, 1I1111~1 ‘”11 1111,111111
As soon as 1 saw that cop car 1 took off but was ~tu~III'” WIIl’II• 1,1’1 11,11111
pulled at the back of my shirt. I watched my frlend~ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’V WI’1f111111
of cite and then I turned around.

The cop had me sit in the cop car while he asked my questions. lie
asked me if I know those kids that ran off and 1 said “Nnnnnoooooooc”, He
asked me if 1 had broken into that shed and I said “Nrmnnooooco”, The cop
wrote down what I was saying all the while shaking his head. Then he told
me that I wasn’t being arrested but I would have to go down to the station

..hat to call parents and have them pick me up. Upon hearing that I nearly soiled
nt th 61″” hOPP’n’d my undershorts. “My God, I’m dead. My mom is going to kill me”.
LIon tI pollCtt lfts. . . ..
y ‘how long ..,1’6 At the station the officer showed me the whole station, jail cells
ou th.”” and everything, An obvious tactic to try and scare me, which .worked. Tha.t

plus the thought of my mom answering the phone and my trymg to explain
what happened nearly made me sick.

“Wwwwhhhaatttt! You’re where?” She would say.

“The police station mom,” uh oh, hear it comes,

“Ooooohhhh my God, my son is a criminal:’ so loud I would have to
pull the phone away from my ear.

She had this uncanny ability to blow things out of proportion right
“‘a I> from the start, She would assume the worse and then go from there. This was
“‘0′” ‘you COUld “”? classic example of why I could never go to her if I had any bad news. ShetI’I;; a” rcWhy You would start screaming, get upset, and then go bitch at my father .. My father
IIkot/Ourmomls is a pretty laid back but when ever my mother started yelling at him about

I” me, he would get angry and come chew me out worse than if I had just gone
to him in the first place.

If my father were to answer the phone he would respond with out
raising his voice. He would examine the situation in a logical manner and
make a decision from there.

“Uhmmm (long pause). You’re at the police station:

“Yeah dad. I didn’t get arrested they just had me come down here so
I had to tell you.”

“Uhm, so you didn’t get arrested (long pause). Welt (long pause), I’ll
Did come pick you up and will talk about then.”

YOurDaa
ZIBt Inrc troll. J feel Iike I can relate to my father much better than I can to myao·;·a kid mother. He has a cool and collective voice that can take command of any
“h q knows situation. I always feel like he understands me, like he knows what I’m
Ex “I.t Ita Ilk., thinki n9 all the time. This comes in real handy when Iget in trouble.
Paln”‘h h

rtlncte a ~ t1 WOuld he PUnish

}tilth thlng6 .5t get aWay

(continued)

the number of errors across the writing. But this is moot and just. Different
readers are always going to pick up on different things and respond in different
ways, and no one reading or response is going to address everything that might
well be addressed, in the way it might best be addressed. All responses are in-
complete and provisional-one reader’s way of reading and reacting to tbe text
ill front of him. And any number of other responses, presented in any number
or different ways, might be as useful or maybe even more useful to Todd as he
l;1k<:s III' his work with the writing.

All this nOlwirhstanding, Jeremy’s comments are solid. They nre full. They 20
im’ thoughtful. And t’hey arc tespectflll. They take the wriring :111d thl’ writer
“Il’riowdy (lnti nddress the issues that arc raised respoilsihly, lli~ ~’oml11cntS
d” Whlll lOII1IIH’l1lnry Oil sludent wriring should opti111nlly dll I’III’Y IUl’n Ihe
wlill’l h,ld, in,o hi, wrilillg nnd k’od him 10 rt'{I{‘(‘1Oil hj~ 11111111’11 .,lId .1I1l1~, to

lUi IIAltI’ \”CAllll IIt’\plllldlllll Ihnllylh l”IIIII1J “(II” I Illlh”l WilllJHI :I!I
111111/11″11′.1)

I «,01″’11 hili III’ \wl’j’! 111′,111111,,1111 lilY lip

“110·110”, Illy 11111111\,Iid, Olt [JI’M, 1’111 Ih·,1I1.

“MUlII (,III I 1,llkto dad?”
“Why, wllJl’\ wronq?”

“Oh, nothinq, r Just need to talk to him: yes, this is going to work!
“iloid on: she laid,

“lh’1I0,” Illy father said,

“Il~d,I’m at the police station,” I told him the whole story of what
h”I)P~ll(\d, II~reacted exactly as I expect he would.

“l)hl11l1l(long pause). You’re at the police station ..

r ,..”lIy Ilk. th •• “dlllO, Iv •• lIs th. ro#dor wh.’ I. gol”a to happa”
wlll’oll’ “.vlllO to “plo/” It .top. vy .”p, Good pop.r. I Ilk. tho u.a
of d/~’oOI1′. f’lJrlwp” mor6 OM your u”dtJr~tl)lIdltf(J of why your parerne”
rffflllCl •• tihtJ)’ do.

‘1I1I~ld(‘1 .II,tI reconsider his intentions as a writer and the effects the word-, Oil
Ih, p,’gt’ will have on readers. They help him sec what he can work Oil ill f’I’VI
11111 11111 wh.u he might deal with in his ongoing work as a writer.

h ring Ideas
• Wit,’1 ,liT your experiences with responding to other student …• WIIIIIII’?

11.1Vi’ )’011 done so in other classes? How did that work out? WI’II \ 1111
,till,’ III di<;lllSS your responses? In small groups or large group ...? \X'llilll ~1111.111t1l1did you like best?

• Iltl YIIII havl’ ;’ll1y papers where others have responded to YOllr WlIII1IH~
( “lIt’ll ()11l.’ or more and see how the responses stack up aga iIlS1 I{ I( ” …
“,llId,’llIll’/i, 11:1Ving read his essay, what would YOLI say your n’spolld(‘llt
.1111 \wlllllld IH,(,tlS to Icarn to do better?

• III IIII’ ~(lIl1t’ way, nfter everyone in your small gwup responds to a (ir’l p:1
1111,1′,!lHVl’r thost: p:lpers/rcsponses together in a group and look :1, wIlli I
\\.1’0 d’lllt’ ,llId Wh:11 could be done to improve the quality of rCsp()l1~l”’, III
,111″111011, you Illighl try to characterize each of you as a responder: Wh,lI ,Ill’
\'”11 h.lhil’? Wh,ll character/persona do you take on? Would you likl’lo 111′
II ‘llIl1ldl’d ‘0 by the responder you find you are through this group :l1l.dy’,,?

• I, IIl~ .11 111111~hcer I in this collection. How do my suggestions for rl”pOIi\l
111′,111111’111 wlil(‘r:-. sound the same or different from Rick’s sllggc~li()I1″? no
\\” 1111111’ (1’0111I he same “school” of responding or do we suggest di (ll’Il’1I1
,1(1111Il,ldw..? Characterize tbe differences or similarities yOll find.

• )( It I, …hllw”, YOli :l responder-jeremy-and the commcnls he Wl’Ot(‘ III(
locld\ P.IIWI’. I( you were Todd, how would you feel aboul .It’I’l’II1Y’~ II’
~pOIl”‘I””~ 1)0 Y()II agree with Rick’s analysis of Jeremy’S COI11I11(‘Ol.,? WIt.1I
tltll’l’ III IOLIInddiliol1111 things wOldd YOli tell Todd aboul his P:lP!’I'(

• WIIiIt ,\11′ your 111:-ighls inlo I’t’spolldinl\? What htls worh·d for Y()II? WIIIII
dll ylltl wl,h Iwopk, would do or 1111’do wlwll Ihey respond In yoIII’ WI It
11111/WIIIII WOld” lll:1kl’ yllil 1l111~11I1,IIIIt'” III lisleil 10 rl,,,p()I’~\'” ,llld 11M’
till 111 III 111,1111\1′ YOlir Will”?