comment essay
stage 3
Peer Review: due by 11:59 pm, Friday March 6
Instructions (read closely):
Step One:
Prepare a draft of your final paper and share with a peer in your section
Step Two:
Complete this document, providing detailed feedback for your partner.
Step Three:
Share this document with the person you reviewed. Via email is perhaps the best way to share your feedback
Step Four:
Save the document with your last name as the title of the document
Step Five:
Submit your completed form to GauchoSpace under the Peer Review Assignment
Once you have received your feedback, review the form with your writing. Did the reviewer capture your thesis statement correctly? Are your citations correct? Is your bibliography properly formatted? Are you being as specific as you can be with your paper? All of these are important while reviewing your paper as they are areas that will be graded.
Note from your TA’s:
Remember, someone is also reviewing your paper. If you would like thorough feedback, contribute to the cycle and provide strong and detailed feedback. Think critically about what could be improved, remember that your TA will be reading this and we are looking for critical thought and specificity
Name of Reviewer:
Section time:
Name of Reviewee:
Section time:
Thesis statement (5 points)
Does the thesis statement include:
Threshold Concept
Media being analyzed
Clear argument
( ) yes ( ) no
( ) yes ( ) no
( ) yes ( ) no
What is the thesis statement? Copy and paste is below.
Write feedback here
What can make the thesis statement stronger?
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Sources (5 points)
Are there at least three sources cited in the paper?
( ) yes ( ) no
What are the three sources (list them)
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What journal are the sources from? Are they academic?
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Are the sources paraphrased? How can they be better described? (Hint: arguments are stronger when you paraphrase sources instead of quote)
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Incorporation of Class Materials (5 points)
Is the textbook cited and included in the paper?
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What concepts or main ideas from the book are used?
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What concepts or main ideas do you think could make the paper stronger?
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Are the terms used inaccurately?
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What do you suggest to make the paper stronger and more closely related to course concepts? (hint: look at your notes)
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Threshold Concepts – TC (5 points)
What threshold concept is used? Is it properly stated?
( ) Gender as a Social Construct
( ) Privilege and Oppression
( ) Intersectionality
( ) Feminist Praxis
Are there more than one TC being used? What TC do you think fits best?
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How is the TC used as a lens to analyze their media?
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What specific examples from the media are used? How are they connected to the TC?
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Are there direct connections between the media and class concepts? How can these connections be made stronger?
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If the paper specific? Or does it remain generalized? (Papers should be extremely specific)
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Grammar, Spelling, and Formatting (5 points)
Is the bibliography properly formatted (annotated bibliography not needed)?
( ) yes ( ) no
Do spelling mistakes need to be addressed?
( ) yes ( ) no
Is the paper double spaced?
( ) yes ( ) no
Is there a cover page?
( ) yes ( ) no
Is the paper 1500-1800 words?
( ) yes ( ) no
Are there sentences that are confusing and need to be edited? Which are they?
Write feedback here
1
Kerry Zhao
Professor Laury Oaks
Femst 20
2.14.2020
Feminist Threshold Concepts in Marriage Story
How Social Constructs Factor into Divorce Proceedings
A valuable piece of feminist media is one that accurately portrays the discrepancy
between the treatment of males and females. Such a piece of media allows the viewer to discern
where differences in gender roles and expectations arise accurately. One such text is Noah
Baumbach’s 2019 filmMarriage Story, starring Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson as a
married couple going through a divorce. The film is raw and, at times difficult to watch,
highlighting both the difficulties of a divorce and the double standards that arise when a child is
involved. Part of analyzing a feminist piece of work includes juxtaposing how males and
females are treated differently. This is referenced in the textbook via the threshold concept of the
social construction of gender. (Launius and Hassel, 10) Using this threshold concept as a lens,
we see Marriage Story as a commentary on how contemporary notions of marriage and divorce
treat men and women differently, exemplifying the differences and double standards between
the two.
The threshold concept of the social construction of gender focuses on how the “ideas
and constructions of gender change across time, between and within cultures, and even within
one’s lifespan […] they also establish and perpetuate sexism; additionally, racial, ethnic, and
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cultural identities frame expectations for appropriate gendered behavior, as does social class and
sexuality.” (Launius, 54)Marriage Story demonstrates how all these factors play out in a
divorce. Nicole and Charlie Barber are going through a divorce – Charlie is a successful New
York City theatre director, and Nicole is a former teen actress who occasionally stars in
Charlie’s plays. They have a young son, and the film opens with the couple already in marriage
counseling. Baumbach’s film proceeds to follow the two characters in navigating trials and
tribulations in their divorce, which is articulated to be difficult as Nicole relocates to a new
home in Los Angeles.
Perhaps the best example of how social constructs play a role in such a situation is
when Laura Dern’s character – Nicole’s divorce lawyer Nora Fanshaw – monologues about
how Nicole will be portrayed in a trial versus how Charlie – Nicole’s soon-to-be ex-husband,
will be portrayed:
“People don’ t accept mothers who dr ink too much wine and yell at their
child and call him an asshole. I get it. I do it too. We can accept an imperfect
dad. […] God is the father and God didn’ t show up. So, you have to be
per fect, and Char lie can be a fuck up and it doesn’ t matter . You will always
be held to a different, higher standard. And it’ s fucked up, but that’s the way
it is.
– Marriage Story, dir. Noah Baumbach
(2019)
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This quote perfectly exemplifies how social constructs define how Nicole must navigate
her divorce as opposed to Charlie, who faces challenges that are just as difficult, albeit different.
This is clearly articulated in the counseling session scene. Nicole is encouraged to hold on and
accept the marriage despite the imperfectness of Charlie. This further exemplifies how the
social construct of gender is not only sexist towards females in divorce cases, but potentially
unfair towards men too. Through social construal perspectives, people can form the basis of
opinions based on sexual orientations.
The male privilege, as accepted by society, puts the woman in a disadvantageous
position. The privilege is unacknowledged, granting men power in the family and in society
(McIntosh, 81). This is further portrayed in the culture reinforcement of hierarchies. This is
portrayed through the quote as Nora states that Nicole should accept to be held in a different
standard as it’s a cultural aspect. Even with the privileges been unacknowledged, the social
systems dominate stipulating inequality in gender issues (McIntosh, 82). The male has an
advantage while the female gender is reliant on social systems due to sexual orientation. The
meritocracy positions dominance existence in the system society (McIntosh, 81). Therefore the
dominance based on sexual orientation impacts the social construal of perceptions.
The male advantages protect the men from negative subjects, enhancing power gained.
This is well stipulated as deduced from the counselor’s statement. Alcoholism can be the basis
of Nicole been branded as an irresponsible mother as compared to if the term was used n
Charlie. Changing such privilege systems requires changes in the social construal of genders
(McIntosh, 86). This can be enhanced through a shift in gender assumptions and the distribution
of power through gender relations and freedom of the oppressed (McIntosh, 86).
Acknowledgment of the privilege will also impact new perceptions of gender construal.
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Individual realizations are also imperative in changing the male privilege subjects in
development and positive choices in decisions McIntosh, 88). Ignoring the powers and
perspectives formed on genders and races changes experiences for neutrality, normality, and
universality.
The male dominance of women perpetuates the roles of the female gender in oppression.
The oppression is based on practices in culture, personality, and body experiences (Gray, 102).
This puts the females in an unequal position in social settings. The counseling session
sentiments show how society can accept an imperfect dad but require a perfect mother in the
family picture. The complexity of dominance extends to masculinity symbols and objects in
evoking masculine images (Gray, 104). Power and control from the masculinity identities are
associated with specific roles which, even when not fulfilled, society does not question. Thus
behaving in a masculine manner can be articulated with activities that may result in the
dominance of the wife (Gray, 108). The critique on social construal of masculinity is
highlighted through the marriage lawyer’s sentiments impacting ideologies in social construal
systems. A reflection on Lois’s story shows how parents expect their children to behave in
accordance with gender roles construal. Parents expect to form role expectations by educating
and informing children on gender roles expected in society. Further, the genders are expected to
conform to certain ways during play and education settings.
Media portrayal of social construal on sexual orientation impacts perspectives adopted
in social settings (Gray, 108). This is determined through the different approaches utilized in the
portrayal of masculinity dominance. Conversations, as well as conventions, are geared at
articulating the differences observable in sexual roles (Launius and Hassel, 39). The gender, as
perceived in media, can result in diverse notions in workplaces or education institutions in
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impacting feminism. Additionally, philosophies on masculinity analysis are depended on
experiences (Launius and Hassel, 41). The philosophies critics’ media depiction of gender and
sexual orientations for public literacy. In contemporary society emergence of other sexual
orientations such as the LGBT community has gained media attention (Launius and Hassel, 41).
In the film scene, Nicole is portrayed to view the sentiments from the cultural and media view.
Through this reflection, Nicole can prepare for perspectives expected from the society in
regards to the divorce.
The contemporary social construal further impacts the male sex. Movements formed to
support feminism and activism can result in unfair decisions towards men (Launius and Hassel,
61). Legal systems are more lenient on the female gender through gender norms and ideologies
developed and advocated for through policing (Launius and Hassel, 65). The gender rankings
result in construal of consequences based on gender movements and stereotyping. Adhering to
the gender norms can result in gender stereotyping and movements that aim at changing
traditional norms. This can have lasting impacts on the male gender. Divorce proceedings in the
marriage story can be inclined to consider Nicole’s situation owing to leniency on women in the
social justice system.
The movements collaborate to advocate for female protections, especially those
marginalized in society. The social justice systems consider the movements and advocacy in
reform systems regarding women as compared to all genders in the community as per critical
resistance and incite article (144). This can lead to unfairness in judgments given from the
social justice organizations with more support been articulated to the oppressed. This can be
viewed in Charlie’s perspective through the marriage counselor’s sentiments. Despite having
masculinity dominance and power from social construal, the judgment on the divorce
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proceedings might be lenient to Nicole. This is because, despite her flaws, she is supported
through feminism movements, which hinder victimization through gender justice. The
marginalization of women in society has resulted in movements based on gender justice in
reducing victimization not only in prisons but also in community settings as per critical
resistance and incite article (143). This unfairness can extend to social settings regarding
marriage and divorce, as articulated in the scene.
Marriage Story demonstrates something unique in how it treats both its male and
female protagonists evenly, which is an excellent tool through which we can critique and
analyze the social construct of gender as a threshold concept. I choose this threshold concept
paired with this particular text because it is vital to highlight the differences between how men
and women are treated in situations as common and human as divorce. Analyzing how Nicole
and Charlie are portrayed in the counseling scene differently is crucial to understanding how
this threshold concept applies in such cases.
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Works Cited
Baumbach, Noah. Marriage Story. Netflix, 2019.
Critical resistance and incite. Critical resistance- incite! Statement on gender and the prison- industrial
complex. Social justice 30(3). The intersection of ideologies of violence. Social justice/ global
options, 2003.
Gould Lois. The story of X.
Gray, Kishonna.Masculinity studies. Feminist media histories 4(2). University of California, California,
2018.
Launius, Christie and Holly Hassel. Threshold Concepts in Women’s and Gender Studies: Ways of
Seeing, Thinking, and Knowing, 2nd ed. Routledge: New York, 2018. Print.
McIntosh, P. White privilege: unpacking the invisible Knapsack. ‘White privilege and male privilege.’
Wellesley College center for research on women, Wessesley, 1989.
Stage 3: Write a revised draft of the complete analysis. To do so, review the feedback you received on Stage 1 and 2, and use those comments as you revise your writing to build this next draft. Your draft should be 1,800 words (double-spaced). In section, you will receive (and give) peer review on this assignment, and then make revisions. Peer-review completion is worth 5 points; peer review guidelines will be provided.
Stage 4: Write a final paper and attach a separate 2 paragraph revision memo. The final paper should be the revised draft and should be 1500-1800 words (double-spaced). The revision memo should highlight the changes that you made after peer-review and explain why you made them so your TA can see your progress. The final paper and attached revision memo are due posted to GauchoSpace in PDF format by the end of our exam period during Final Exam Week; early submissions are welcome. Revise your draft and submit your final paper, worth 25 points.
5-4
3-2
1-0
Thesis Statement 5pts
Thesis Statement is in the first paragraph and provides the reader with a sense of what the paper will be about
Thesis Statement is hard to find and/or there is no clear indication of what the paper will be about
There is no thesis statement
Sources Cited 5pts
Paper utilizes the correct number of sources (3) and cites them throughout
Paper utilizes some sources (2) and cites them
Paper does not utilize sources
Incorporation of class material 5pts
Class sources and themes are appropriately used throughout the paper
Class sources and themes are minimally or oddly used throughout the paper
Class sources and themes are not used throughout the paper
Use of Threshold Concept as a lens of analysis 5pts
The paper defines and uses the TC accurately as a lens through which to analyze their media object
The paper uses the TC concept sparingly to analyze media object
Paper does not include a TC concept
Overall Grammer, spelling, formatting 5pts
Paper has been proofread and formatted correctly
Paper has various spelling and formatting errors