Touchstone English Comp 1

Need all touchstones complete 5 total

FAMILY 3

Family

Amber Daugherty Comment by Dr. Jo: I’ll be reviewing your essay today. Be sure to check the comments at the end! Thank you!

Amber, This essay needs to be 800 to 1300 words. You can add about three more paragraphs. You only have 500 words. Each paragraph will be about 100 to 150 words. Please look at my notes. I am returning this without a score – especially since your earlier essay was also short.
Additionally, the instructions ask you to highlight the thesis statement in read and the topic sentences in green. The idea is to then revise this – especially from the feedback you receive. There is not enough here for me to advance this to Touchstone 4. Continue working here and please look at the directions. And add a reflection section as well.

English Comp 1

Mary and her cousins live do not live under the same roof but consider each other as family. Family to Mary refers to individuals they are related to by blood. According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary “a group of persons of common ancestry: clan or a people or group of people regarded as deriving from a common stock: race.” Many people believe that family is any close person with whom they share the same bloodline either from the maternal or paternal side. I believe the definition of family should be extended to include physical relations not chemically related individuals connected through DNA. Comment by Dr. Jo: So you can create a couple of different kinds of “families” you may know or that people may be involved in. The military. The church. A sport’s team. The neighbors you grew up with.

Limiting family relations to only bloodlines excludes the different relations that individuals have among themselves. Mary and her cousins might refer to each other as a family but few or none of the cousins can demonstrate what Mary goes through on a daily or weekly basis. This can also be said about Mary, she might not be able to explain the most terrible or memorable day her cousins have gone through. But the best friend of Mary is able to describe her from the color she likes to the kind of car she dreams to drive in the future. The same can be said about Mary’s cousins and their best friends. Mary and her cousins might be connected through ancestry but they barely know nothing about each other apart from the simple chatter exchanged during family visits and gathering. Comment by Dr. Jo: Best friends make a family.

Another type of family relations can be defined by the challenges and problems that individuals have passed through together. Take, for instance, people that had financial challenges and which they saw through this together by either developing a business or connecting each other to job opportunities. Such friendships begin as acquaintances to involving each other in every little decision that the other makes. They evolve with each problem to become family and even integrate their marriage lives into their cycle. This type of family is found in many marriages where the ladies or the men saw each other through complicated solutions and grew to become a close family. Comment by Dr. Jo: Friends see each other through a problem and then may even get married. (This then becomes a blood line or a family by the dictionary definition, isn’t it?)

The other through which family can be defined is through romantic relations. Away from parent and children families, these are the next big family in society. Before people become bonded through marriage they consider each other as a family as they are involved with each other in a romantic way. For instance, the girlfriend’s family or that of the boyfriend considers the girl or boy as a family because he or she is involved with their child or sibling. For instance, if Mary loves Phil then the family of Phil will automatically include Mary in the family circle. Comment by Dr. Jo: Again, when two people get married, they become a new family – or blood line. Comment by Dr. Jo: What about people we know through playing sports together on a team. We have no plan of marrying them, but we work together with them on common goals? Work through a number of difficulties. This is another kind of family – where there will be no joining in a house or making a home together.
People who go through experiences in the military together have this kind of bonding.
Gang members.
What makes these and other examples feel like family. Work with this more. ( At least 300 words more).

In conclusion, I believe the word family should be expanded to include friends that refer to each as a family and romantic relations among various people. The word should not be limited to ancestry, race, or culture they share with each other. Family is a contribution of various things and not blood or DNA alone among people in society, even plants, and animals.

Comp 1 Assignment 3

Touchstone

 

3 Rubric and Feedback

 

Rubric Category

 
 

 Feedback 
 

Score (acceptable, needs improvement etc.)

 
 

Image Analysis OR Extended Definition 

 

 

 
 

Working Thesis 

 

 

 
 
 

Organization 

 

 
 
 

Style and Tone 

 

 

 
 
 

Focus 

 

 

Conventions 

 

 
 

Think About Your Writing 

 

 
 
 

Overall Score and Feedback: /10