Sales Letters
Magrino specifies 4-5 pages single-spaced for the Sales Letter (excluding the references). I’m translating that into a wordcount of 2000 words for the final draft.
Format: Times New Roman or similar serif font; one-inch margins; single-spacing.
Work with eight or more sources, quoting (briefly) from most to all of them. At least five sources in the final draft should be scholarly. Include all (and only) these sources in a separate reference section at the end of the letter (on a separate page)
Remember to give page numbers when quoting and to supply the DOI for digital resources wherever available (some older ones may lack a DOI but expect recent sources have one). Use APA style for all references and in-text citations.
For additional details on the assignment, please consult Magrino, chapter 5, starting on p. 157.
Notes on the Sales Letter
1. There should not be a section in the SL with the heading INTRODUCTION. You have an unlabeled “introductory” paragraph (the first paragraph that you worked on last week). Having a subsequent section labeled “Introduction” will confuse the reader.
2. Similarly, since you should have several short sections devoted to the problem, having a section called just THE PROBLEM could be misleading or confusing (as I think it is in the first sample SL in Magrino).
You could have a section called THE GLOBAL PROBLEM indicating that you will then narrow your focus in subsequent sections. Depending on your project, you might have one section on the affected population or you might have two sections on two different affected populations. Or you might combine population with location and other factors of the problem into a single section, following this with a section on causes of the problem (etc.).
Descriptive titles are best: TWO MAIN CAUSES OF X, THE EFFECT OF X ON POPULATION Y.
3. Try to avoid single-paragraph sections. Some sections will be short but try to have two or more paragraphs in most of your sections (but it’s not the end of the world if you have some single-paragraph sections).
4. Keep your paragraphs relatively compact. Break up longer paragraphs into shorter, more focused units. Generally, shorter paragraphs will be more appealing to read and easier to follow, encouraging your patron to attend to your letter.
If paragraphs get to be too long, remember some of the good writing guidelines from expos:
(1) one idea (main point) per paragraph
(2) start each paragraph with a topic sentence that makes the main point of the paragraph clear to your reader from the start
(3) use transitional language to guide your reader between paragraphs by showing how each new paragraph or section relates to the preceding paragraph or section
Notes on Paradigm Research
1. For the final draft of the letter (and ideally for the RD as well), I strongly recommended that you have at least four sources for the paradigm that you are working with (more than four would be better) and that at least three of these sources for the paradigm are scholarly — or at least of high quality and written by an expert in the relevant area.
2. Remember that not all the sources used in your discussion of the paradigm will necessarily support your approach in a direct way.
For example, you may present some of the models, methods, or theories as unsuccessfulalternatives that your approach, or your chosen paradigm, will surpass. That said, most sources for the paradigm should be supporting your approach.
Recall how Gawande contrasts the merely short-term success of the use of oral rehydration for cholera in West Bengal in 1971 with the success of the BRAC oral rehydration campaign in 1980. Gawande uses the failure of the former example to achieve a lasting change in the world to clarify the value of the latter example as a model of success for his project (one of achieving a lasting change).
3. A successful paradigm will often adapt models from one context to the context of the current project. Again, we see this in Gawande. His focus is infant hypothermia, not cholera. But the method by which the BRAC project promoted oral rehydration (making it a norm of treatment in West Bengal and beyond) serves as a model for the way Gawande wants to promote kangaroo care (making it a norm of infant care in Uttar Pradesh and beyond).
4. In presenting your paradigm research, work to show the connections between your sources. Does a second source add additional information to what you gain from a first source? Does it challenge or contradict what you gain from the first source? Does it clarify an ambiguity or fill a gap in what the first source offers? Does it offer a second perspective on what the first source claims? Does it provide background or a context for the first source? Does it correct an error in the first source? Does it suggest an alternative or novel application of a method described by the first source?
JinalShah
5803 Hunters Glen Dr
Plainsboro, New Jersey 08536
March 1,2021
Patrick Bellgowan M.D
Deputy Associate Director
National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke
6001 Executive Boulevard
Suite 3309
Bethesda, MD 20892-9531
Re: Advanced Research for the Causes of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy
Dear Mr.Bellgowan,
For the past few years, the National Football League (NFL) has been plagued with an issue: Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). In 2017, researchers Jesse Mez, Daniel H. Daneshvar, and Patrick Kiernan conducted a study titled Clinicopathological Evaluation of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy in Players of American Football. In their study, the researchers (and the football world for that matter) were astonished by the results. The researchers discovered that out of 202 deceased NFL athletes, 87% (177 players) had CTE (Mez, Daneshvar, Kiernan, 2017). This discovery tore the football world apart. All of sudden NFL athletes such as John Urschel were retiring much earlier than expected (Hensley, 2017). Fast forward to 2021 and CTE remains a problem. A big reason for this is the uncertainty surrounding the causes of CTE. For instance, in the past researchers claimed that repeated head trauma is the cause of CTE (Mez, Daneshvar, Kiernan, 2017). However, present research claims that this is false. Recent research shows that even players who have a history of hard tackles and numerous concussions show no signs of CTE (Golden, Zusman, 2019). What is even more conflicting is that a study conducted by Grant L Iverson, Teemu M Luoto, Pekka J Karhunen, and Rudolph J Castellani found signs of CTE in individuals who have had neither participated in contact sports nor have had significant head trauma (Iverson, Luoto, Pekka, Karhunen, Castellani, 2019). This study shows that contrary to popular belief, repetitive head trauma may not be the most significant cause of CTE. These conflicting studies display the great uncertainty surrounding the causes of CTE. How can we possibly solve a problem for which we don’t know the causes?
For this reason, I am requesting your help in conducting a study to answer the question what causes CTE? I understand that the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS) prides itself in seeking fundamental knowledge about the brain and nervous system and using that knowledge to reduce the burden of neurological disease. The NINDS is one of the few organizations that can provide appropriate funding and resources to aid in the understanding of the causes of CTE. Thus, I am seeking monetary support from you. Your support in this study will not only allow us to understand the causes of CTE, but also open new doors for further research for sustainable treatments. In the grand scheme of things, this study will be able to present opportunities on how to make the game of football (and all contact sports for that matter) safer for all.
Plan of Action
In order to fully understand the causes of CTE, I will need to have a team of researchers that will leverage data science and neuroscience. These researchers will be operating out of their facilities that are specialized for their field of expertise. The neuroscientists will examine current NFL athletes and determine whether or not they show signs of CTE via Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) scans. University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) researchers have identified that MRIs can be effectively used to diagnose CTE (Schnabel, 2016). These MRI scans will also allow the neuroscientists to compare the brains of non-CTE players with the brains of CTE players. Furthermore, these scans will allow the neuroscientists to compare the brains of CTE athletes with each other. The data scientists, on the other hand, will collect and analyze various features such as position of the player, number of concussions, types of hits delivered, etc. Using these statistics, they will be able to effectively design machine learning models that can identify which features correlate the most with CTE. In order to validate the use of machine learning in this study, it is important to examine a study titled Machine Learning in Medicine: A Practical Introduction. The researchers, Jenni A M Sidey-Gibbons and Chris J Sidey-Gibbons, utilized machine learning techniques for “cancer diagnosis using descriptions of nuclei sampled from breast masses” (Sidey-Gibbons, Sidey-Gibbons, 2019). In the study, the researchers found that machine learning algorithms (specifically Support Vector Machines) were able to make the correct diagnosis at an astonishing 96% accuracy (Sidey-Gibbons, Sidey-Gibbons, 2019). Evidently, machine learning will come to great use in this study.
Combining the results that the data scientists produce with the results that the neuroscientists will bring to the table, we will effectively be able to identify the most important causations of CTE. My role in this study will be to work side by side with these different groups of specialists with the hope of developing a greater understanding of the causes of CTE.
Models of Success
The effectiveness of this research-based approach can be seen in Mercaptor Discoveries’ most recent research. Mercaptor Discoveries, a pharmaceutical firm, combined data science and neuroscience to produce a drug that could “halt the progression of the initial damage caused by concussions,” (Kelly, 2020). What is also important to note is that Mercaptor Discoveries is using a data science + neuroscience driven approach. In an interview with Lisa Kelly of SBNation, Sara Isbell, CEO of Mercaptor Discoveries stated that “In Mercaptor’s most recent research, they have been applying their technology to the prevention and treatment of seizures, and they have efficacy data which proves their captons can be used to help seizure patients” (Kelly 2020). Mercaptor Discoveries’ data science + neuroscience-based approach is allowing them to be able to develop solutions to brain trauma.
Another similar model of success comes from a study titled Leveraging Data Science for a Personalized Haemodialysis. In this study, researchers Miguel Hueso, Lluis de Haro, Jordi Calabia, Rafael Dal-Re, Cristian Tebe, Karina Gilbert, Josep M Cruzado, Alfredo Vellido leveraged data science to “facilitate precision and personalized medicine in nephrology” (Hueso, Haro, Calabia, Dal-Re, Tebe, Gilbert, Cruzado, Vellido, 2020). This study is a prime example of the use of data science in medical fields. The researchers clearly state that “healthcare is quickly becoming data-dependent, and data science is a discipline that holds the promise of contributing to the development of personalized medicine” (Hueso, Haro, Calabia, Dal-Re, Tebe, Gilbert, Cruzado, Vellido, 2020). This conclusion makes it very clear that in order to understand any health-related topics such as CTE, it is important to utilize data science.
Budget & Other Monetary Information
The monetary aid that you will provide will translate into lab, equipment, salaries, and other miscellaneous resources. In terms of labs, this study will require multiple labs: some for neuroscience CTE research and some for data science CTE research. Furthermore, the study will require willing participants from the NFL as well as brains of deceased NFL players. I would like to specify that I will require data collecting tools such as sensors & databases to help collect and store data for analysis. Additionally, I would also need MRI machines for scanning.
With all these costs in mind, I estimate that the total cost of this research would be around $800,000. This number comes from a past study titled Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy: Clinical Presentation and Biomarkers. In total, the study cost around $702,379 (Stern, 2012). I anticipate that my study will require more money because of the fact that I will be utilizing more resources.
Conclusion
CTE is a big issue with a complex solution. Without fully understanding CTE, we will not be able to make the game of football safer for NFL athletes. Furthermore, we risk losing a sport that is highly integrated in American culture. It is very important for us to understand the causes of CTE as once we understand these causes, we will be able to progress in finding sustainable treatments. Treatments such as Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy have been slowed in progress due to the fact that we don’t understand what the true causes of CTE are (How Can NFL Players Treat Their CTE Symptoms, 2017). It is critical that we utilize data science & neuroscience to understand CTE so that we can make the game safer for NFL athletes. With that being said, I would like to formally invite you to my oral presentation of my proposal. My presentation will be located in Room 117 of Hickman Hall on the Cook/Douglas Campus of Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey. The date and time of my presentation are as follows: 3/17/2021 at 7:30 PM.
If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at (609)-955-0141 or at
jinal.shah2821@gmail.com
. I will gladly field any questions, comments, or concerns you may have regarding my study. I look forward to seeing you at my oral presentation and to finally connect. Let’s make the game of football safer together.
References
Golden, C., & Zusman, M. (2019). Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) Impact on
Brains, Emotions, and Cognition. Springer International Publishing.
https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-23288-7
How Can NFL Players Treat Their CTE Symptoms? (2017, September 01).
Hueso, M ., De Haro, L., Calabia, J., Dal-Re, R., Tebe, C., Gilbert, K., Cruzado, J.M ., &
Vellido, A. (2020). Leveraging Data Science for a Personalized Haemodialysis. Kidney Diseases (Basel ,Switzerland), 6(6), 385-394.
https://doi.org/10.1159/000507291
Iverson, G.L., Luoto, T.M., Karhunen, P.J ., & Castellani, R.J. (2019). Mild Chronic
Traumatic Encephalopathy Neuropathology in People with No Known Participation in Contact Sports or History of Repetitive Neurotrauma. Journal of Neuropathology and Experimental Neurology, 78(7), 615-625
https://doi.org/10.1093/jnen/nlz045
Kelly, L (2020, January 09). Groundbreaking CTE Research may Save the Game of Football
https://www.onefootdown.com/2020/1/9/21051061/ground-breaking-cte-research-may-save-the-game-of-football
Mez, J., Daneshvar, D.H ,. & Kiernan, P.T (2017, July 25). Evaluation of Chronic
Traumatic Encephalopathy in Football Players
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2645104
Schnabel, J. (2016, August 24). MRI Scan may help Diagnose Chronic Traumatic
Encephalopathy, UCLA Researchers Report.
https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/mri-scan-may-help-diagnose-chronic-traumatic-encephalopathy-ucla-researchers-report
Sidey-Gibbons, J ,. & Sidey-Gibbons, C.J . (2019). Machine Learning in Medicine: A
Practical Introduction. BMC Medical Research Methodology, 19(1), 64.
https://doi.org/10.1186/s12874-019-0681-4
Stern, R.A. (2012, May, 31). Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy: Clinical Presentation and
Biomarkers.
https://www.grantome.com/grant/NIH/R01-NS078337-01A1
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