REVISE PAPER

 ASSIGNMENT: Review the in-text comments and summary feedback you received on your Touchstone 3.2 draft to enhance your writing. You will then submit a revision of your Touchstone 3.2 draft that reflects the evaluator’s feedback. Make sure to include a copy of your Touchstone 3.2 draft below the reflection questions for this unit. 

 

A. Final Draft Guidelines

DIRECTIONS: Refer to the list below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until it meets these guidelines.

1. Editing and Revising

❒ Have you significantly revised the essay by adjusting areas like organization, focus, and clarity?❒ Have you made comprehensive edits to word choice, sentence variety, and style?❒ Have your edits and revisions addressed the feedback provided by your evaluator?

2. Cohesion and Source Integration

❒ Is the information presented in a logical order that is easy for the reader to follow?❒ Have you included smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs?❒ Have you introduced your sources clearly and in a way that demonstrates their validity to the reader?

3. Conventions and Proofreading

❒ Have you double-checked for correct formatting, grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization?❒ Have you ensured that any quoted material is represented accurately?

4. Reflection

❒ Have you displayed a clear understanding of the revision process?❒ Have you answered all reflection questions thoughtfully and included insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses?❒ Are your answers included on a separate page below the composition?

B. Reflection Questions

DIRECTIONS: Below your assignment, include answers to all of the following reflection questions.

1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion, rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive feedback. (4-5 sentences)
3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3 sentences)

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING

Logan Stevens

English Composition II

December 22, 2019

Where’s the Beef?: Ethics and the Beef Industry

Americans love their beef. According to a 2005 study on beef consumption, between

1994 and 1998, Americans consumed an average of 67 pounds of beef per year, the equivalent of

approximately three ounces of beef per day (Davis & Lin, 2005). Despite this high rate of

consumption, in recent years people in the United States have grown increasingly concerned

about where their food comes from, how it is produced, and what environmental and health

impacts result from its production. These concerns can be distilled into two ethical questions: is

the treatment of cattle humane and is there a negative environmental impact of beef production?

For many, the current methods of industrial beef production and consumption do not meet

personal ethical or environmental standards. Therefore, for ethical and environmental reasons,

people should limit their beef consumption, and the beef that they do eat should be humanely

raised, locally sourced, and grass-fed.

The first ethical question to consider is the humane treatment of domesticated cattle. It

has been demonstrated in multiple scientific studies that animals feel physical pain as well as

emotional states such as fear (Grandin & Smith, 2004, para. 2). In Concentrated Animal Feeding

Operations (CAFOs), better known as “factory farms” due to their industrialized attitude toward

Comment [SL1]: Hi Logan! This is a great title.

Comment [SL2]: Good use of data as an effective hook
statement.

Comment [SL3]: This is a very strong, well-formed thesis
statement that takes a clear stance on a debatable topic.
Well done.

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING

cattle production, cattle are often confined to unnaturally small areas; fed a fattening, grain-based

diet; and given a constant stream of antibiotics to help combat disease and infection. In his essay,

“An Animal’s Place,” Michael Pollan (2002) states that beef cattle often live “standing ankle

deep in their own waste eating a diet that makes them sick” (para. 40). Pollan not only describes

Americans’ discomfort with this aspect of meat production. He also notes that they are removed

from and uncomfortable with the physical and psychological aspects of killing animals for food

as well. He simplifies the actions chosen by many Americans: “we either look away—or stop

eating animals” (para. 32). This decision to look away has enabled companies to treat and

slaughter their animals in ways that cause true suffering for the animals. If Americans want to

continue to eat beef, alternative, ethical methods of cattle production must be considered.

In addition to the inhumane treatment of animals, CAFOs also raise ethical questions in

terms of the environmental impacts of industrial agriculture. Because cattle raised on factory

farms are primarily “grain-fed,” meaning that their diet largely consists of corn and/or soy rather

than grass or other forage, huge amounts of grain are required to provide the necessary feed. This

grain comes primarily from “monocropping,” an agricultural practice that involves planting the

same crop year after year in the same field. Although rotating crops to different fields each

season helps to retain the natural balance of nutrients in the soil, mono-cropping is considered to

be more efficient on an industrial scale, providing larger yields of grain even though it also

requires the use of more chemical fertilizers to provide adequate nutrients for the plants.

According to Palmer (2010), these chemicals can leach into the groundwater, polluting both the

surrounding land and the water supply.

The emphasis on a grain-based diet, and therefore a reliance on mono-cropping, also

contributes to the inefficient use of available land. The vast majority of grain production (75-

Comment [SL4]: This is a much better way to connect your
ideas regarding the physical and psychological aspects of
killing animals and how Americans deal with them.

Comment [SL5]: Yes!

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
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90% depending on whether corn or soy) goes to feeding animals rather than humans, and cattle

alone account for a significant share. As a result, a majority of land available for agriculture also

goes to producing livestock, whether actually housing the animals or growing grain to feed them

(Lappé, 2010, p. 22). This inefficiency means that a disproportionate amount of agricultural,

food, and monetary resources are poured into a type of cattle production which has been

demonstrated to be inhumane and to have negative environmental

consequences.

Other environmental issues include the amount of manure produced by factory farmed

cattle. Traditionally, cattle graze a large area and distribute their waste accordingly. In contained

situations such as CAFOs, however, animal waste builds up in a relatively small area and the

runoff from rainstorms can potentially contaminate the groundwater (Sager, 2008, para. 7).

Furthermore, because closely contained animals are more prone to disease, factory-farmed cattle

are routinely treated with antibiotics, which can also leach into the local ground and water,

potentially affecting humans. According to Brian Palmer, a man who has done extensive

research on the topic (2010), “Based on some estimates, we spend more than $4 billion annually

trying to clean up CAFO manure runoff. In addition, the long-term, low-dose antibiotics CAFOs

give livestock can lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria, further undermining our dwindling supply

of useful medicines” (para. 12). The negative impacts of antibiotic runoff, manure

contamination, fossil fuel use, and mono-cropping indicate that sourcing beef from CAFOs is

neither an ethically responsible nor an environmentally sustainable decision.

An alternative to the grain-fed cattle raised in CAFOs is cattle which are allowed to range

and forage for grass and other greenery as their primary form of nourishment. This “grass-fed”

beef is, almost by definition, more humane than grain-fed beef because the animals are allowed

to move freely and eat a more natural diet. There is also some evidence that grass-fed beef is

Comment [SL6]: Great job tying these ideas together here.

Comment [SL7]: Much better.

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
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healthier than grain-fed beef for the humans who consume it: it is higher in cancer fighting,

vitamin-A producing beta-carotene; it is much lower in fat, including having half the saturated

fat as grain-fed beef; and it contains many more omega-3 fatty acids, conjugated linoleic acid

(CLA), which prevents cancer growth, and vitamin E, which prevents cancer as well as heart

disease (Ruechel, 2006, p. 235). Due to the benefits of a grass-based diet, as well as the benefits

of being raised in pastures rather than feedlots, grass-fed cattle themselves tend to be healthier.

Taken altogether, grass-fed cattle production is better physically for both the cows and humans.

It is important to note that grass-fed does not inherently mean organic, which is a

separate, legal category with its own requirements. It is possible to find grain-fed beef from

cattle raised or slaughtered in inhumane conditions that is labeled “organic” because the cattle

were fed organic grain, whereas grass-fed beef may come from cattle that have been raised on

land that does not meet the requirements for organic labeling (Sager, 2008, paras.10-15).

However, in a guide to raising grass-fed cattle, Julius Ruechel (2006), notes that “Raising [cattle]

in a pasture reduces or even eliminates the use of toxic pharmaceutical pesticides to control

parasites and all but eliminates residues of high doses of antibiotics used on cattle in feedlot

conditions” (p. 236). Even though it may not always be organic, choosing grass-fed beef reduces

or eliminates many of the environmental and ethical concerns raised by factory farming.

Grass-fed beef also comes with some benefits to the environment. As noted earlier, most

grain-fed beef relies on environmentally damaging mono-cropping. This problem is not an issue

with grass-fed beef, which relies primarily on forage and does not require the same crop to be

planted year after year. Further, if the grass-fed beef that one eats comes from local farms and

ranches, it lessens the environmental impact, whereas the long-distance shipping required by

factory farming practices consumes fossil fuels, which contribute to global warming. Lappé

Comment [SL8]: Interesting!

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
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(2010) explains the massive effects that industrial food production has on the environment,

noting that throughout the life cycle of production, processing, distribution, consumption, and

waste, our food chain may be responsible for as much as a third of the factors causing global

climate change (p. 11). However, as Pollan (2002) argues by the end of his essay, farms which

focus on traditional agricultural practices are both more humane and more environmentally

friendly than CAFOs. Ultimately, food decisions should be made with an eye to sustainability

and humane treatment, ethical stances that are both supported by local farms focused on

sustainable diversity.

Despite grass-fed beef scoring better on an environmental impact level than grain-fed

beef, it is still not perfect, a fact that highlights the problems of eating beef at all if one is

concerned with environmental ethics. Most notably, to assuage Americans’ rapacious appetites

for beef, landowners in South America often clear cut rainforest in order to create grazing land.

“The realities of the global market are a great temptation to many: Where land is cheap and the

demand for grass-fed cattle is on the rise, the local economy may respond by cutting down a

forest to create pasture or by planting grass where millet or rice has been grown” (Sager, 2008,

para. 21). This practice has negative environmental impacts on the local landscape and the planet

as a whole, since losing vast swathes of rainforest increases the amount of carbon dioxide in our

atmosphere, contributing to ozone depletion. In their article for Science magazine, scholars

Molly Brown and Christopher Funk (2008) examine how climate change will affect food

security and find that people in the developing world are at particular risk for a lack of food due

to climate change. Mono-cropping and mono-grazing practices, designed to snag American

dollars in the short term and not to sustain the local population in the long term, will only

exacerbate these effects (p. 580–81). Furthermore, the rise in the market for grass-fed beef has

Comment [SL9]: Great use of signal phrasing here.

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
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meant that much grass-fed beef is shipped to the U.S. from South America and Australia. Even if

these animals are raised in a humane and sustainable manner, the long distances they travel to

reach American bellies has significant, negative environmental impact, again due to the use of

fossil fuels (Sager, 2008, para. 21). This reinforces the importance of buying beef which has

been locally produced, reducing the impact of long-distance shipping and potential mono-grazing

in other countries.

No matter how ethically sourced, one can still identify some serious ethical problems

with the raising and slaughter of beef, and those ethical quandaries are passed on to consumers.

While grass-fed beef is clearly an ethical improvement over grain-fed beef in terms of humane

treatment and potentially in terms of environmental impact, “No matter how you slice it, eating

beef will never be the greenest thing you do in a day. Scientists at Japan’s National Institute of

Livestock and Grassland Science estimate that producing 1 kilogram of beef emits more

greenhouse gas than driving 155 miles” (Palmer, 2010, para. 2). A kilogram of beef is about the

equivalent of two generously sized rib-eye steaks. Multiply this by the amount of beef consumed

by Americans in a year and the impact of these greenhouse gasses cannot be ignored. However,

as compelling as this argument is, it is not reasonable to expect that Americans will stop eating

beef altogether. In the short term, it is more practical to encourage Americans to eat humanely

raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, which will ultimately lessen the ethical and environmental

consequences.

If consumers are truly concerned about the ethical treatment of animals and the

environmental impact of agricultural production, then the logical action is to stop eating meat

altogether. If Americans are not willing to do this, then the next best action is to focus on

humanely raised, locally sourced, grass-fed beef, while acknowledging that this may affect our

Comment [SL10]: Great concluding sentence.

Comment [SL11]: Good. You’re not dismissing the counter-
arguments, but you’re indicating that your argument is
more persuasive. Well done.

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING

beef consumption at many levels. Pollan (2002) concludes his essay by acknowledging that more

humane treatment of animals would likely cause higher prices and lower consumption. However,

he states, “maybe when we did eat animals, we’d eat them with the consciousness, ceremony and

respect they deserve” (para. 82). This emphasis on the respect for and well-being of the animals

cultivated for food benefits both the animals and the consumer, acknowledging the desire to be

true omnivores while satisfying our need for ethical clarity.

Comment [SL12]: Very good concluding statement!

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
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References

Brown, M., & Funk, C. (2008). Food security under climate change. Science, 319

(5863), 580-581. doi: 10.1126/science.1154102

Cook, C. (2004). Diet for a dead planet: How the food industry is killing us. New York,

NY: New Press.

Davis, C., & Lin, B.H. (2005). Factors affecting U.S. beef consumption. Retrieved from

https://www.ers.usda.gov/publications/pub-details/?pubid=37389.

Grandin, T. & Smith. G. (2004). Animal welfare and humane slaughter. Grandin.com.

Retrieved from http://www.grandin.com/references/humane.slaughter.html

Lappé, A. (2010). Diet for a hot planet: The climate crisis at the end of your fork. New

York, NY: Bloomsbury.

Palmer, B. (2010, December 21). Pass on grass: Is grass-fed beef better for the

environment? Slate. Retrieved from

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/the_green_lantern/2010/12/pa

ss_ on_grass.htm

Pollan, M. (2002, November 10). An animal’s place. The New York Times. Retrieved

from http://www.nytimes.com/2002/11/10/magazine/an-animal-s-place.html

Ruechel, J. (2006). Grass-fed Cattle: How to produce and market natural beef. North

Adams, MA. Storey Publishing.

Sager, G. (2008). Where’s your beef from?: Grass-fed Beef: Is it green, humane and

healthful? Natural Life Magazine. Retrieved from

http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0812/grass-fed_beef_green_humane_healthful.htm

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Reflection Questions:

1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you
use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)

I spent about an hour and a half revising my draft. I spent a lot of time going over each of the
critiques I was given, and thinking about how I can implement those in a way that will truly
make my essay better. Creating unity and coherence was the most satisfying to me, because
it allowed me to put everything together in a way that made me proud.

2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What

problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion,
rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive
feedback. (4-5 sentences)

One I came up with was moving the paragraph on how the production of meat can raise
questions in terms of environmental impacts. This helped increase the flow and effectiveness
of how the information was being presented. Another critique I made was including a more
focused thesis statement. This helped include all of the points I made. Another revision I
made was adding more appeals to my claim that chemicals can leach into the groundwater,
polluting both the surrounding land and the water supply. This helped add legitimacy to my
argument.

3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your

understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3
sentences)

I learned that writing a truly good Argumentative Essay is way more than just writing and
research. You need to dig deep into your sources, and really learn about both sides of the
arguments are you taking on. The entire process is important to make your argument a solid
and supported one.

Sophia Pathways for College Credit – English Composition II
SAMPLE TOUCHSTONE AND SCORING

Final Research Essay Rubric and Feedback

Rubric
Category

Feedback Score
(acceptable, needs
improvement etc.)

Revising

There was a clear effort to adjust your previous
draft. You effectively revised the organization of
your essay to gain a better focus on the
argument being presented.

35/40

Editing

You did a great job strengthening your
arguments by editing some of the word choices
throughout your essay.

38/40

Source
Integration

You were able to introduce your sources
effectively and seamlessly using a variety of
different types of citation.

19/20

Cohesion

Updating the flow of your argument throughout
your essay has really made it a more effective
argumentative essay. Well done!

18/20

Conventions
and
Proofreading

You have done a great job ensuring there are no
major convention errors.

19/20

Reflection You demonstrate thoughtful reflection,

consistently including insights, observations, and
examples in your responses.

10/10

Overall Score and Feedback: 139/150
Logan – You have written a very thought-provoking and well-researched essay. You use
relevant information from credible sources in order to support your argument. You
strike a good balance between these sources and your own discussion, allowing the
reader to see how you are using this information to further your own, unique
argument. You write very clearly, linking your ideas and paragraphs together in a very
logical and smooth manner. You remain consistently focused on your argument
throughout. I really enjoyed reading your essay! Nicely done!

Electric Vehicles 3

Electric Vehicles 4

Argumentative Research Essay
Jasmine Comment by Crystal: HI Jasmine! I am pleased to read and grade your Touchstone. However, the ECII Touchstone 4 is to be a revision of the Touchstone 3.2. It does not appear that you have done this but I will continue to read and grade accordingly.
Strayer University
ENG 215
8/14/20

Running Head: 1
Organ Buying 2
Li, W., Long, R., Chen, H., & Geng, J. (2017). A review of factors influencing consumer intentions to adopt battery electric vehicles. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 78, 318-328.
This source talks about the drivers of electric vehicle transition into the world. What are the main factors that drive this transition as fast as it is? I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Punctuation error.
Summary
A battery-powered electric vehicle stands a chance in the current available electric car market. This summary will talk about the boom in electric vehicles (Song, Wei, et al) and later talk about the survival of internal combustion cars in the market if after all it can be sensed by anybody or it is the time for it to leave or do they still stand a chance? Some consumers might be interested while others might not be interested. What could be the opinion on the side of the automakers? Is the shift caused by environmental issues or by performance matters? In this paper, everything will be well known. Comment by Crystal: It appears as though you misunderstood the T3.2 paper as well as the requirements for the T4 revision. You are to take a position and I do not see a position. This is not to be a research paper.
Introduction
It is very evident that there has been a big boom in the electric vehicle segment. Some are because of the wonderful developments (Wilberforce, T., El-Hassan, Z., Khatib, F. N., Al Makky, A., Baroutaji, A., Carton, J. G., & Olabi, A. G. (2017) in the recent past years trying to get rid of the dirty fossil-fuel cars; Song, Wei, et al) from the roads. It should be noted that not all that was being said in order to criticize internal combustion cars have been right, yes, some are been overreacted. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Citation needed. Comment by Crystal: Follow APA Guidelines for formatting of in-text-citations.
Shi, X., Pan, J., Wang, H., & Cai, H. (2019). Battery electric vehicles: What is the minimum range required? Energy, 166, 352-358.
This source talks about the minimum range that is required by electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate? I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument that supports the use of battery-powered electric vehicles rather than fossil fueled cars. Comment by Crystal: Spelling error. Comment by Crystal: If this is your argument, it should be stated in the first paragraph.
Some of the reasons that have called for this argument are the complications normal automakers have been going through to reduce emissions savings. On an overall basis, there are clear emission savings which are indeed good news.  The other thing that was being said about EVs is that they will reduce congestion in cities and therefore as results reduce the traffic jams hence saving time and money in delay. But the reality of the matter is that this is not even true. It is not true to the fact that EV’s won’t assist in Jam reduction because there is basically no scientific fact about it. Since many people don’t see EVs as being the best, they really have a bigger role to play in this world. A good example is a longer-range version that was introduced by Tesla. Comment by Crystal: Grammatically incorrect. Comment by Crystal: Citation needed.
Electric vehicles in particular could in the help to help reduce carbon emissions reduction by about 50%. On the other hand, the internal combustion engines that are driven by the dirty fossils fuel around have an arguable smaller range on a full tank basis but now they stand a chance for a faster refilling advantage. In a matter of about 3 minutes, and could easily fill his or her gas fuel tank without any further complication unless the electric vehicles which take a longer time for refueling.
Hardman, S., Chandan, A., Tal, G., & Turrentine, T. (2017). The effectiveness of financial purchase incentives for battery electric vehicles–A review of the evidence. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 80, 1100-1111.
This source talks about the finance issues that come with electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate? I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument. Comment by Crystal: Spelling error.
On the other hand, one would argue that even the electric vehicles are charged by a grid that might be even dirtier than petroleum and gas and that is coal power plants. All in all, this argument might seem right at first glance but the truth of the matter is that emissions are continually being reduced.
  Now we can go to a deeper analysis of electric vehicle. The first question that is asked in any manufacturing process is the cost of ownership of a commodity in this particular case the car. What is the actual total cost of ownership?  From my research modeling, I found that the battery of an electric vehicle will be considered using both cost per mile and KWh. In my research, I decided to take a closer comparison of a Nissan Leaf which is among the most commonly known electric vehicles available and the Ford Fiesta which is a fairly common car back here in the US. In its tests, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) determined in that the average Nissan Leaf consumed 19 kWh/100 km amounting to 0.68 MJ/km while that of a Honda Civic is 2.5 MJ/km (Department. Of Energy, Energy Information Administration). Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Unclear meaning.
I took them for a 20 miles drive which the Nissan Leaf consumed about 40KWh and for the Ford, the cost of t per mile of the car was about 5 times more expensive. This finding gave the electric car a clear leading line when it came to the performance and efficiency of energy usage. Another cost-benefit advantage of electric cars is that one can charge it at his home overnight for a cheaper rate than usual. Comment by Crystal: Unclear meaning.
Jacobson, A. (2010) looks at the carbon emissions by electric cars and compares them to those of petrol cars. Data from the Tesla Motors Company show a vehicle efficiency of 2.18 Mj-1 for its electric cars while it is 2.50 Mj-1 for fossil fuel cars. The CO2 emissions for gasoline cars was 1439*106 tons of CO2 while that of electric vehicles was607*106 tons of CO2. Thus, fossil fueled cars are more of a danger to the environment as compared to electric vehicles.
Hardman, S., Chandan, A., Tal, G., & Turrentine, T. (2017). The effectiveness of financial purchase incentives for battery electric vehicles–A review of the evidence. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 80, 1100-1111.
This source talks about the finance issues that come with electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate? I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument.
However, knowing this in mind, the true cost of buying an electric vehicle is considered to be 18% more sometimes this comes out even after government incentives being applied. The main cause of this is that the technology of mass-market on an electric vehicle is relatively younger with fewer years of research and development in the career.
However, not too long the price of electric vehicles is going to decrease drastically due to the promising technological breakthrough that people are wishing to occur in the near future. When it comes to the cost of maintenance after owning the car. Electric vehicles they need less to no maintenance at all. I mean on engine fuels and lubricants this is because the powertrain simply the batteries and the motors, this makes the service to be a relatively straight forward one. Therefore, the actual cost of maintenance is estimated to be about 23% less than that of a normal internal combustion engine ca
When it comes to safety, this is a very critical thing since everyone wants to be in a safer place. This is the nature of humanity. The CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk once said that the autonomous driving option could be ten times safer than the normal human driver (The Washington Post, Faiz Siddiqui, 2020)). However, whether what he said is true remains debatable.
Freschi, F., Mitolo, M., & Tommasini, R. (2017, May). Electrical safety of electric vehicles. In 2017 IEEE/IAS 53rd Industrial and Commercial Power Systems Technical Conference (I&CPS) (pp. 1-5). IEEE.
This source talks about the safety of electrical cars and all cars at a large. The information here is quite vast on safety issues. This is the reason why I chose it.
As they say, “seeing is believing”. Full autonomy is surely the future as people can see a lot of start-up companies venturing into that industry segment such as the big boys like Apple and Amazon are also in the race to the autonomous future.
            The fact of the matter is that electric cars are more way safer than any other car available. On an overall basis, they do have fewer components therefore there is less wear and tear expected. When it comes to collision there is a very minimalistic possibility than an electric car will catch fire since there are no readily combustive fuels waiting to burn up.  Since the battery pack which is housed by the drive trained are kept way down below, the electric cars have a very low center of gravity making it less likely to roll over often increasing the chances of surviving any crush.
However, EVs have a safety concern that could be very dangerous to living things that are o the move. This is the silent operation, according to a test that was conducted is that normal pedestrians are most likely not to hear EVs than a normal conventional vehicle. However, their concerned authorities that are trying to address this issue day in day out the most promising solution being the introduction of sound speakers that would mimic the conventional car sound when moving. These options are available in some electric cars already such as the Chevy Volt.
           
Wilberforce, T., El-Hassan, Z., Khatib, F. N., Al Makky, A., Baroutaji, A., Carton, J. G., & Olabi, A. G. (2017). Developments of electric cars and fuel cell hydrogen electric cars. International Journal of Hydrogen Energy, 42(40), 25695-25734.
This source give a summary of the argument of the benefit of summary cars both electric and conventional ones in terms of performance as well as other factors. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument.
A good real file scenario is a person who wants to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco which turns put to be a distance of about 400 miles. If one is driving a fuel-efficient car this will only take one fuel full tank with one making stops because of other reasons but mot fuel refilling.
             In a nutshell, no matter what people say, this is the time for electric transitions. This is because it will reach a time where conventional cars will look very much outdated with their technology. This transition may arrive sooner than we think. This is because of their vast benefits more so to the environment, such as reduced carbon emissions. Some of the reasons are the efficiency of electric vehicles over conventional cars.
  The other fundamental reason that I had left behind purposely is the sole reason for energy independence. Since energy nowadays can be harvested from almost everywhere even from the comfort of our homes through solar and wind. One can charge this electric vehicle from his home without wondering about the cost and the fluctuation prices of oil and gas. Depending on where the consumer is, extremely high dependence on oil in the economy can make people more vulnerable to international disputes and also the collapse of the economy. My take is that the future of electric cars starts now.

1. How much time did you spend revising your draft? What revision strategies did you use and which worked best for you? (2-3 sentences)
I spent approximately two hours revising this work since I had to read the work to understand the need for revisions. The strategy I used was to read the document, understand the need for revision and then finding the correct information to fit in.
2. List three concrete revisions that you made and explain how you made them. What problem did you fix with each of these revisions? Issues may be unity, cohesion, rhetorical appeals, content, or any other areas on which you received constructive feedback. (4-5 sentences)
I added information to the parts requiring more information. In perspective, I included data on carbon emissions by fuel cars as compared to the data of carbon emissions by electric vehicles which is stronger evidence to support m argument.
Further, I made changes to my language. Poor grammar as well as unclear statements affected the information I am presenting since it is not clear to understand. For instance, saying “…will be affected largely…” is unspecific and thus there should be evidence presented to provide proof of the statement.
Further, I have linked evidence with the evidence to provide precise information. This link can be seen in the provision of evidence-based cases as well as research on the effects to the environment of both fuel driven and electric vehicles to show relevance to my argument.
3. What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? How has your understanding of the research process changed as a result of taking this course? (2-3 sentences)
Writing is sensitive and thus requires high level of research and information to provide relevant, detailed and correct information. Evidence must be provided in the text for information sources. The language used must also be clear and precise. A writer should endeavor to avoid ambiguity, and instead focus on being specific to points being made. The research process requires one to have critical thinking in establishing the information sources to use where, how and to what end.

References
An approach detailed by Jacobson, A. (2010). New directions: The electric car and carbon emissions in the US. Atmospheric environment, 44, 733-734.
EIA, U. (2011). Annual energy review. Energy Information Administration, US Department of Energy: Washington, DC www. eia. doe. gov/emeu/aer, 80.
Song, Wei, et al. “Re-synthesis of nano-structured LiFePO4/graphene composite derived from spent lithium-ion battery for booming electric vehicle application.” Journal of Power Sources 419 (2019): 192-202.
Wilberforce, T., El-Hassan, Z., Khatib, F. N., Al Makky, A., Baroutaji, A., Carton, J. G., & Olabi, A. G. (2017). Developments of electric cars and fuel cell hydrogen electric cars. International Journal of Hydrogen Energy, 42(40), 25695-25734.

ADDITIONAL FEEDBACK – USING THE RUBRIC:

REVISING…I commend you for your efforts to research this topic. However, you made the same mistakes that were made in the T3.2 paper. Most of the grammatical errors identified in the Touchstone 3.2 are still present. Specifically, you were advised that: “You will need to write an essay which does not provide information on each source but which presents an argument that you will develop with research, reasoning and logic as well as rhetorical appeals.” This was not done. Instead, you provided an Annotated Bibliography for a Research paper. You earned 0 of 40 points.

EDITING…There is no evidence of editing or revising of the 3.2 Essay. You earned 0 of 40 points.

SOURCE INTEGRATION…..You did introduce all of your sources in a constructive and effective manner. You earned 20 of 20 points.

COHESION……The reader is able to follow the progression of your information. The sequencing and the transitions were good. There were still some poor word choices, unclear sentences, imprecise language and generalities which made the meaning of some sentences unclear. You earned 10 of 20 points.

CONVENTIONS and PROOFREADING…..As I indicated previously, the same errors that were in the 3.2 Touchstone are still prevalent in this one. Importantly, I detected additional errors which proofreading should have corrected. You earned 5 of 20 points.

REFLECTION….Your reflections were thoughtful but more examples and observations are needed. You earned 8 of 10 points.

FEEDBACK…I greatly appreciate the time and effort you put into this revising this endeavor. The track comments and feedback are intended to help you pay closer attention to the quality of your arguments and grammatical errors. However, please RE-READ the requirements for both the 3.2 and the T4 Essays. I wish you much success in all other endeavors. GOOD LUCK!

OVERALL SCORE…………………………………………………………………43/150

Annotated Bibliography (Touchstone 3.2)
Name Jasmine

Li, W., Long, R., Chen, H., & Geng, J. (2017). A review of factors influencing consumer intentions to adopt battery electric vehicles. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 78, 318-328.
This source talks about the drivers of electric vehicle transition into the world. What are the main factors that drive this transition as fast as it. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. On of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Punctuation error.
Summary
In this research paper, we are going to talk about the benefits of a battery-powered electric vehicle that they stand a chance in the electric car market that is currently available. It will talk about the perceived boom and maybe later talk about the survival of internal combustion cars in the market if after all it can be sensed by anybody or it is the time for it to leave or do they still stand a chance? Some consumers might be interested in why others might not be interested in. What could be the opinion on the side of the automakers? The shift is caused by environmental issues or caused by performance matters? In this paper, everything will be well known. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Remember Jasmine, this Touchstone is to develop an argument “with highly relevant details to support it.” Your position on this issue hs to be stated.
                        Introduction
It is very evident that there has been a big boom in the electric vehicle segment. Some are because of the wonderful developments in the recent past years trying to get rid of the dirty fossil-fuel cars from the roads. It should be noted that not all that was being said in order to criticize internal combustion cars have been right, yes, some are been overreacted. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Citation needed.
Shi, X., Pan, J., Wang, H., & Cai, H. (2019). Battery electric vehicles: What is the minimum range required? Energy, 166, 352-358.
This source talks about the minimum range that is required by electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Your argument has not been stated.
Some of the reasons that have championed for this move is the complication that normal automakers have been going through to reduce emissions savings. On an overall basis, there are clear emission savings which are indeed good news.  The other thing that was being said about EVs is that they will reduce congestion in cities and therefore as results reduce the traffic jams hence saving time and money in delay. But the reality of the matter is that this is not even true. It is not true to the fact that Ev’s won’t assist in Jam reduction because there is basically no scientific fact about it. Since many people don’t see Evs as being the best, they really have a bigger role to play in this world. A good example is a longer-range version that was introduced by Tesla. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Imprecise language.
Electric vehicles in particular could in the help to help reduce carbon emissions reduction by about 50%. On the other hand, the internal combustion engines that are driven by the dirty fossils fuel around have an arguable smaller range on a full tank basis but now they stand a chance for a faster refilling advantage. In a matter of about 3 minutes, and could easily fill his or her gas fuel tank without any further complication unless the electric vehicles which take a longer time for refueling.
Hardman, S., Chandan, A., Tal, G., & Turrentine, T. (2017). The effectiveness of financial purchase incentives for battery electric vehicles–A review of the evidence. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 80, 1100-1111.
This source talks about the finance issues that come with electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument.
On the other hand, one would argue that even the electric vehicles are charged by a grid that might be even dirtier than petroleum and gas and that is coal power plants. All in all, this argument might seem right at first glance but the truth of the matter is that still emissions are being limited in a very large way. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Imprecise language.
  Now we can go to a deeper analysis of electric vehicle, the first question that is asked in any manufacturing process is the cost of ownership of a commodity in this particular case the car. What is the actual total cost of ownership?  From my research modeling, I Found that battery electric vehicle we look at the cost per mile per kilowatts hour. In my research, I decided to take a closer comparison of a Nissan Leaf which is among the most commonly known electric vehicles available and the Ford Fiesta which is a fairly common car back here in the US. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Unclear meaning. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Firsthand experience always helps to prove your case but more research is needed to prove conclusions based on such a small sample size.
I took them for a 20 miles drive which the Nissan Leaf consumed about 40KWh and for the Ford, the cost of t per mile of the car was about 5 times more expensive. This finding gave the electric car a clear leading line when it came to the performance and efficiency of energy usage. Another cost-benefit advantage of electric cars is that one can charge it at his home overnight for a cheaper rate than usual.
Hardman, S., Chandan, A., Tal, G., & Turrentine, T. (2017). The effectiveness of financial purchase incentives for battery electric vehicles–A review of the evidence. Renewable and Sustainable Energy Reviews, 80, 1100-1111.
This source talks about the finance issues that come with electric vehicles. What are the main factors that drive this transition at a faster rate. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument.
However, knowing this in mind, the true cost of buying an electric vehicle is considered to be 18% more sometimes this comes out even after government incentives being applied. The main cause of this is that the technology of mass-market on an electric vehicle is relatively younger with fewer years of research and development in the career.
However, not too long the price of electric vehicles is going to decrease drastically due to the promising technological breakthrough that people are wishing to occur in the near future. When it comes to the cost of maintenance after owning the car. Electric vehicles they need less to no maintenance at all. I mean on engine fuels and lubricants this is because the powertrain simply the batteries and the motors, this makes the service to be a relatively straight forward one. Therefore, the actual cost of maintenance is estimated to be about 23% less than that of a normal internal combustion engine ca
When it comes to safety, this is a very critical thing since everyone wants to be in a safer place. This is the nature of humanity. The CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk once said that the autonomous driving option could be ten times safer than the normal human driver. However, whether what he said is true this remains to Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Citation needed.
Freschi, F., Mitolo, M., & Tommasini, R. (2017, May). Electrical safety of electric vehicles. In 2017 IEEE/IAS 53rd Industrial and Commercial Power Systems Technical Conference (I&CPS) (pp. 1-5). IEEE.
This source talks about the safety of electrical cars and all cars at a large. the information here is quite vast on safety issues. This is the reason why I chose it.
be a fantasy until a level 5 autonomy is achieved other no one will believe this statement. As they say, “seeing is believing”. Full autonomy is surely the future as people can see a lot of start-up companies venturing into that industry segment such as the big boys like Apple and Amazon are also in the race to the autonomous future. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Unclear meaning.
            The fact of the matter is that electric cars are more way safer than any other car available. On an overall basis, they do have fewer components therefore there is less wear and tear expected. When it comes to collision there is a very minimalistic possibility than ana electric car will catch fire since there are no readily combustive fuels waiting to burn up.  Since the battery pack which is housed by the drive trained are kept way down below, the electric cars have a very low center of gravity making it less likely to roll over often increasing the chances of surviving any crush. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: This appears to be your argument.
However, EVs have a safety concern that could be very dangerous to living things that are o the move. This is the silent operation, according to a test that was conducted is that normal pedestrians are most likely not to hear EVs than a normal conventional vehicle. However, their concerned authorities that are trying to address this issue day in day out the most promising solution being the introduction of sound speakers that would mimic the conventional car sound when moving. These options are available in some electric cars already such as the Chevy Volt.
           
Wilberforce, T., El-Hassan, Z., Khatib, F. N., Al Makky, A., Baroutaji, A., Carton, J. G., & Olabi, A. G. (2017). Developments of electric cars and fuel cell hydrogen electric cars. International Journal of Hydrogen Energy, 42(40), 25695-25734.
This source give a summary of the argument of the benefit of summary cars both electric and convetial in terms of performance and many other. I have therefore carefully chosen this specific item because I think it beneficial for this topic. What I have found here is very helpful unlike the past sources I used to site. One of the difficulties that I aced was to get the necessary information on the topic. It was difficult to go through this source and support my argument.
A good real file scenario is a person who wants to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco which turns put to be a distance of about 400 miles. If one is driving a fuel-efficient car this will only take one fuel full tank with one making stops because of other reasons but mot fuel refilling.
             In a nutshell, no matter what people say, this is the time for electric transitions. This is because it will reach a time where conventional cars will look very much outdated with their technology. This transition may arrive sooner than we think. This is because of the inevitable reasons. Some of the reasons are the efficiency of electric vehicles over conventional cars. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: More specificity is needed.
  The other fundamental reason that I had left behind purposely is the sole reason for energy independence. Since energy nowadays can be harvest almost everywhere even from the conform of our homes through solar and wind. One can charge this electric vehicle from his home without wondering about the cost and the fluctuation prices of oil and gas. Depending on where the consumer is, extremely high dependence on oil in the economy can make people more vulnerable to international disputes and also the collapse of the economy. My take is that the future of electric cars starts now. Comment by Crystal Kuykendall: Subject-verb agreement error.
ADDITIONAL FEEDBACK – USING THE RUBRIC:

ARGUMENT DEVELOPMENT AND SUPPORT…I want to commend you for taking time to discuss such an important topic. However, your “argument” should have been stated in the first paragraph. The argument was stated in the next to last page. Therefore, the development of the argument was not as developed as it could have been. This is the 3.2 paper which will be revised for the Touchstone 4. You will need to write an essay which does not provide information on each source but which presents an argument that you will develop with research, reasoning and logic as well as rhetorical appeals. You earned 25 of 40 points.

RESEARCH…Your References were good. However, this Touchstone is not to be a research paper where you discuss the validity of each “source.” Your research should support your argument and provide in-text-citations and documentation to support some unsubstantiated claims. Keep in mind that source citations are always needed in cases where you over-generalize. Your use of direct quotations will be helpful. You earned 20 of 30 points.

ORGANIZATION…..You did not write an argumentative research essay so a complete revision in organization is necessary.. There was no introduction or conclusion. Your topic sentences were supported by information in your body paragraphs but there was no counterargument. You earned 0 of 15 points.

STYLE……Your style was informative. However, some language was imprecise and there were no rhetorical appeals. Remember to use third person (sa opposed to first or second) when writing the Touchstone 4. Importantly, use variation in sentence structure and rhetorical appeals. You earned 3 of 5 points.

CONVENTIONS… There were too many errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation – especially the use of question marks and commas. There were also errors in sentence structure. You must ot end sentences with prepositions. You earned 2 of 5 points.

REFLECTION…Your reflection was not provided, unfortunately. You earned 0 of 5 points.

FEEDBACK…I greatly appreciate the time and effort you put into this research endeavor. However, as indicated, this is not an “argumentative” essay. However, when rewritten, it can be. I did not make note of all of the grammatical errors but there were quite a few. The track comments and feedback are intended to facilitate your improvement as a writer. I wish you much success in this and all other endeavors. I hope I am able to read Touchstone 4. GOOD LUCK!
OVERALL SCORE…………………………………………………………………50/100