kim woods

 Write a 500-750 word essay

Directions:

1. Only one (1) of either the descriptive or cause-effect essay assignments may be revised.

2. The revision must be a substantive revision, meaning that you must make more changes than simply fixing any grammatical issues. Plan to add details, improve the organization, or improve your phrasing to be more effective. At an extreme, you may write a completely new essay as long as the new essay fits the parameters of the original assignment. 

If you choose to revise the previous essay, I will be checking the SafeAssign report. If the revised essay is more than 80% the same as your original submission, I will not read or score the submission. Additionally, I have set this assignment to allow you two submission attempts.  I recommend that you check the SafeAssign report for the first attempt. If the report shows a score greater than 80%, then your submission needs further revision.

McDuffie 2

A MEMORABLE CONCERT 3

Vincent McDuffie

Instructor

Class and Section

28 February 2021

A Memorable Concert

I can still describe the best event in my life: a concert by my favorite rap group
. It had not been easy to convince my parents to allow me to attend that concert, especially because it was a night performance and my parents are very strict. I was lucky to have been there. Despite being my favorite rap group, I had never seen them before, and seeing them perform that night was awesome
. I arrived at the venue
at 6 o’clock which was rather early as the event was supposed to start at 8 o’clock. What makes this concert memorable is the awesome performance by the rap group and the wild excitement of the crowd.

Contrary to what I would have wished for, the concert did not start immediately. People had arrived too early and
the wait was taking forever. I was in the regulars’ section and
it was so crowded. The mixture of perfume and sweat made me nauseated. What is more= is that it was too noisy. One
could hear people talking a lot about this particular group, other controversial groups,
and their likes and dislikes for them. The event organizer had a hard time calling people to order when it was finally time for the concert to begin.

People started screaming at the sight of the first member
of the group on stage. The performance started and every sound of each of the many instruments that the group played sent people moving closer. Within no time, the VIP section was overcrowded as the guards were unable to restrict movement to this section. The music was loud and
the audience made it even louder as they sang along and let out screams of joy and excitement. The stage was lit dimly with red, green, and yellow fluorescent lights. I was so lost in singing and dancing that I forgot that the main reason I was there that night was to see the members of my favorite rap group.

Although it was a three-hour performance, when it was finally over it felt like it had lasted only a few minutes. It was now time to leave and
people were struggling to get out as fast as they could. Again there were screams and wails as some people got hurt in the struggle. Outside, it was dark and the street lights made the night beautiful. The cold wind was such a welcome relief from the warm uncomfortable air that had been in the room. Some people were selling snacks that looked appealing and
I bought potato chips as I waited for my dad to pick me up.

The awesome performance by the band and the wild excitement of the crowd had made the event memorable. I spotted my dad’s red car from a distance and started walking to where I knew he would park it. Everywhere people were talking excitedly about the concert. Although I had not clearly seen my favorite group, I was happy. Today, I can still clearly remember the sounds of the instruments, the screams of excitement, and the smell of delicious food
. Oh! I just want to go back and live that event again.

The good (keep doing these things):

+general essay structure

+few major error types

The bad (target these errors when you study):

-somewhat vague details. Which group was performing? Who were the artists?

-run-ons: include both the comma and the coordinating conjunction to join independent clauses correctly.

�Name them! That’s a good, specific detail to include

�Vague detail

�What was the venue?

�RO: you need both the comma and the coordinating conjunction to join independent clauses in a sentence.

�RO

�Shift in person. You’re telling a story of your own experience. Go ahead and use mainly first person.

�Somewhat vague details.

�Name?

�RO
�RO
�RO

�The only food you really mentioned is the chips you bought.

This paper asks you to “evaluate” a topic about which you know more than your audience. That is, you need to take on the role of the “expert” as you present your “judgment” on a topic, giving your readers new information or presenting a new perspective on your topic. Your judgment should be based on a set of criteria: for instance, if you make a “judgment” about a specific restaurant, the “criteria” that you use to make the “judgment” might include service, atmosphere, price, and food. The basic model for you to use is the Essay Outline Assignment from Lesson 2; however, you may write about a topic other than a restaurant. With that in mind, one of the following topics may serve your purpose: a restaurant, a movie, a car, a vacation spot, or whether it is better to live in the country or the city, or whether it is better to live in a house or apartment. You will need to be specific about the topic: for instance, if you write about a restaurant or movie, you will need to name it.

The material for this paper comes from your own observations and/or experience. You are not to use any outside sources, and that means not even looking at the internet for “ideas.”

The basis or model for your essay should be the Five-Paragraph Essay Format utilized in the Essay Outline Assignment in Lesson 2: that is, you will need an “Introduction” with a hook, a thesis that clearly and distinctly states your judgment on the topic, and an essay map following the thesis that states what evidence will be presented in the rest of the essay; at least three body paragraphs, each based on one of the criteria used to make your judgment, and each paragraph containing a clear topic sentence and supporting evidence (for the “body paragraphs” use the Paragraph Outline Assignment done in Lesson 1 as a model); and a conclusion that sums up your argument and leaves a lasting impression on your reader. You will be writing an argument: you must convince your audience of your judgment; you must be persuasive. In addition, you are giving them new information or letting them appreciate your topic in a way they have not done before. The essay should be full of informative and illustrative detail. Remember; use concrete, specific examples from your experience.

You will convince the reader with a clear judgment and criteria based on specific, concrete details and examples used as evidence.

Structure and Paragraphing: With regard to structure, you should follow the Five-Paragraph Essay model discussed; however, you may wish to add more paragraphs if your judgment consists of more than three points or reasons (criteria). You may need to summarize your subject. Briefly describe your topic to the reader, whether it be a movie, restaurant, car, or one of the other topics listed above. You may also wish to use a paragraph for counter arguments, aspects of your topic that might be counter to your basic argument. (Your subject may not be entirely good or bad.) Be careful placing counter arguments if used. You do not want them to undermine your judgment.

Descriptive Essay

· Write a 500-750 word essay using description as the chief method of development.

· Use your own thoughts, observations, and/or experiences as the sources for this essay. Research is NOT required or expected for this essay.