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Ask me any questions for the assignment. If u need some class note I can provide. 

Essay for IBM 3062 FALL 2020

General Instructions
Your essay covers all assigned readings as well as those materials discussed in class.
You will have a maximum of 140 words to answer the essay question.

Writing

Please follow the old Texas dictum: You best come correct.
I will deduct one letter grade from your score for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.

Formatting is Critical

Type your essay in 11-point Arial Narrow, double-spaced with one-inch margins all around.

Do not indent paragraphs. Skip two lines to make a paragraph. Do not right justify your text.

IN THE HEADER on the right side type the following single-spaced

First name, Last Name
IBM 3062 Meeting Time
Bronco ID number
Essay

Upload in DOCX format. Name your document as follows:
Last Name, First Name, Essay, Fall 2020

Type your word count at the bottom of the page.

If you fail to conform to these instructions, I will reduce your grade by 20 points (one letter grade).

This prompt is a story retold from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers:

One day, his Eminence, the Archbishop came to visit the monastery in the town of
Scetis. The brethren monks were in a hubbub because they all wanted to make a
good impression. They wanted his Eminence to understand their piety.

In the monastery, the oldest monk was simple Father Pambo. He was wrinkled
and bent from ages of service to his fellow brothers.

When all the monks and novices assembled to greet and welcome his Eminence,
an excited novice turned to his mentor and urged him, “Father Pambo, say
something to the Archbishop, so that he may be informed and enlightened about
us.”

Father Pambo gave his novice a wrinkled smile and said, “If he is not edified by
my silence, he will not be edified by my speech.”

Your Instructions

Reflect on the prompt. Then, use it to synthesize and interrelate rapport with active listening.
I want to see something new. Please do not regurgitate.

Adaptive Selling

Personality and Communication

Personality is the sum of your traits, attitudes and habits. You can use your personality to
facilitate communication, simplify information processing and assist in training.

Think about some of the meetings you’ve had with people you didn’t know. With most
people you’ve met, you’ve gotten along okay with. Now and then, you meet someone who
instantly turned off, or you met someone with whom you instantly clicked. Most of the time
when you click with someone or are immediately turned off by someone, it’s because of a
match or mismatch with your communication styles.

Everyone has a communication style, a behavior for communicating that is observable. It
is a way of thinking and behaving. It’s your operating system for understanding the world
around you. Your communication style tends to be pretty stable; however, as you go on in
life you learn to adapt or flex with different communication styles.

Adaptive selling is altering your communication style to improve communication with
your listener. In effect, it’s adjusting how you, question them about their needs and respond
to their needs, so you can help them understand more easily.

Though this may seem difficult, it’s quite easy to do once you understand your own
communication style. This chapter will help you to identify your communication style, learn
the different types of communication styles, and how to flex your style to communicate
persuasively with other people who have different styles.

The Communication Grid

The communication grid contains four different communication styles based on two dimensions:
sociability and dominance. The continuum of sociability measures how we control our emotional
expression. Those who are high in sociability give free rein to the expression of emotion whereas
those low in sociability tend to rein it in. People with high sociability seek lots of interaction with
others. Those low in sociability prefer to work alone. The second continuum is dominance.

Adaptive Selling

2

Dominance measures how much a person tends to want to control situations or have their way.
People with high dominance are often seen as outspoken, decisive, and competitive. Those low in
dominance tend to be easy-going, cooperative, and reserved in their opinions.

The next step is to determine your preferred communication style by identifying your position of
the sociability and dominance scale. You will find a worksheet in the appendix of this book. Fill out
the questionnaires and follow along in the text.

The four communication styles

We can combine the two continua to form the communication grid. Sociability forms the vertical
axis, and dominance forms the horizontal axis. The axes divide the four communication styles into a
grid. The four styles are as follows:

 Feeler– high in sociability and high in dominance
 Sensor–low in sociability and high in dominance
 Thinker–Low in sociability and low in dominance
 Intuitor–High in sociability and low in dominance

(The back of the worksheet in the appendix has a copy of the of the communication grid for notes.)

In the following pages, we will describe each one of the communication styles, illustrate cues for
identifying the person’s communication style, describe the weaknesses for each of the
communication styles, and outline how to persuade each type.

Low Sociability

High Sociability

High
Dominance

Low
Dominance

Sensor

Feeler

Thinker

Intuitor

Adaptive Selling

3

The Sensor
A sensor exhibits low sociability and high dominance.

Sensors have a lot of good qualities. Sensors like to be in charge and are very serious about their
business. They like to get to the point and can be aggressive competitors. Sensors love a challenge.
They are entrepreneurial, see the big picture, and high-speed problem solvers. These risk-takers
are an independent bunch with strong wills and a need to control situations. Other descriptors
include aggressive, decisive, serious, determined, and intense.

What Sensors Look Like

It’s hard to miss a sensor. They exude a lot of focused energy–always on the go. They appear to be
quite busy and don’t like their time wasted. They are serious about business, and often have a just-
the-facts kind of attitude. They feel comfortable talking and giving orders, so sometimes when you
are talking they appear not to be interested.

They contain their facial expressions and often appear quite formal. They can be very verbal and
tend to be fast and active in their speech. Their speech contains many statements and they are
prone to express strong opinions. Their bodies tend to lean forward (remember they are on the go).
They tend to move quickly and stiffly. They use few gestures. They have a lot of direct eye contact.

If you can get into a sensor’s office, you’ll see lots of clues. A sensor’s desk usually blocks the
approach of other people. Their desk is in a power position, so people must sit on the other side of
the desk from the sensor. If the sensor has anything on his walls, it will be achievement awards and
a prominent calendar. If he or she has mementos from pastimes, they will be for group activities
such as team sports or politics.

The Dark Side of Sensors

When sensors get stressed, they get pushy and impatient with others. Sometimes in their rush to
push ahead, they can be so tough as to border on harsh. Being so goal-oriented can cause them to be
tactless and hurt others’ feelings. They can be egotistical and domineering. The fear that drives
these negative behaviors is being taken advantage of or losing.

Selling to Sensors

Because sensors are all about the business, you don’t need to develop a deep friendship with them.
They prefer to keeps the relationships business-like. Remember, they are trying to develop/grow a
business, so they want someone who can deliver what they need. They don’t want a pal or a friend.
They want someone they can depend on.

Because sensors are always on their schedule, we must respect their time more so than with most
other peoples. Sensors want meetings and presentations to be well-organized and time-efficient.
The worst thing you can do to a sensor is waste their time.

Because they are so goal oriented, the information you want to provide should support and help
them reach their goals. You should provide the appropriate facts and figures. They also like to have
an idea of the percentage of success with each solution.

Do not force them into a corner with one solution. Instead give them various solutions with the
appropriate facts and figures. Then let them decide. That’s what sensors do, decide. So let them
know that you can appreciate what she or she does best.

Adaptive Selling

4

The Thinker
A thinker exhibits low sociability and low dominance.

A thinker has a lot of good qualities. They are critical thinkers and precise problem-solvers. They
like procedures and guidelines. When they are going to make a decision, they gather a lot of
information and seek as much detail as possible about the information they need. They tend to be
cautious individuals who check and weigh all the facts before making a decision. They have high
standards. They value accuracy and efficiency. Their caution causes them to be somewhat reserved
and introspective. They like structure and are quite orderly. They are deliberate and slow paced
which makes them calculated risk takers. They are task-oriented and driven to get the job done.

Some other descriptors of thinkers are precise, scientific, questioning, persistent, and disciplined.

What Thinkers Look Like

The thinker appears respectful and somewhat reserved. Though they care, they are less apt to
display warmth. Their emotional expression tends to be controlled. When they express their
opinion it’s measured. They are low key and not dramatic. Their actions are measured and
businesslike. They may appear aloof and somewhat hard to get to know. Their love for orderliness
is apparent in their dress and surroundings. Their environment is highly structured.

Thinkers can appear cool and aloof. Their clothing is conservative and tidy. Their emotions are
well-controlled and appear serious. Their eye contact is often indirect. Their voice is slower and
softer. Their body may lean slightly backward. Their movements are deliberate and economical.

If you see their office, you’ll find a lot of clues. Many thinkers have a technical background. Their
office is work oriented and appears active and efficient. You will note a certain orderliness and
structure in the way things are laid out on desks and table. You may find achievement awards on
their walls. If he or she has mementos on the desk or walls, they will be for solitary activities or
sports.

The Dark Side of Thinkers

When thinkers get stressed they stop displaying any type of emotion. They withdraw emotionally
and become very stiff and formal. They begin to focus too much on details and are often unwilling
to make a decision and keep looking for more information. They can begin to quibble over
insignificant details and become overly critical and judgmental. The fear that drives this negative
behavior in thinkers is criticism that they do not want, criticism that says they are not good enough.

Selling to Thinkers

Because thinkers are critical thinkers who are task oriented and low on sociability, they like a
direct, business-like approach. Arrive on time and be well prepared. Relationships building should
not require an excessive amount of time. They are fact oriented people. They like a well-organized
approach with lots of detail. Present everything in an orderly fashion moving slowly and
deliberately. Be unemotional in your presentation: it’s just the facts.

When you are proposing a solution, do so in a deliberate and slow manner. Do not hurry the close
until you have laid out all of the solution. Never pressure them for a quick decision. They think
slowly and deliberately so they don’t make mistakes. They will not appreciate the pressure and may
become critical and more formal.

Adaptive Selling

5

The Feeler
A feeler exhibits high sociability and high dominance.

Feelers appear very active and tend to appear spontaneous and uninhibited. They like people and
seem to always take the social initiative. They initiate and maintain contact. Their style is open and
direct. They exude a lot of warmth, and they encourage informality. When they express themselves
they do so with dramatic emotion. They often act impulsively. They maintain a large number of
friendships with many different types of people.

Some other descriptors of feelers are personable, persuasive, dynamic, stimulating, and passionate.

What Feelers Look Like

The feeler is people-oriented, empathetic, and responsive to others. They are spontaneous, fun-
loving, and inspirational. They need open communication with others and form mutually
supportive relationships with them. They are motivated by recognition and can be self-promoting.

A feeler shows emotion and is often friendly and playful. They appear warm and approachable.
Their body movements are free and quick with many frequent gestures. They have direct and
engaging eye contact. Their facial expressions are highly animated. Their speech is quick and
intense. It carries many inflections. Their body tends to lean forward. Compared to other business
people, the feeler tends to dress either in a more casual manner or a more ostentatious manner.

If you get to see their office, you’ll find it open and inviting. The desk will be positioned to let the
Feeler have physical contact with visitors. The desk will be cluttered and disorganized. You may
find plaques with motivational slogans or posters on the walls. If the feeler has mementos on the
desk or walls, they will be for group activities such as group sports or politics.

The Dark Side of Feelers

When feelers get stressed, they may often exaggerate or talk too much. They stop listening to others
and begin to overly promote their own agenda. Sometimes they become so outspoken and
emotional that they can be offensive or patronizing. They have a hard time staying focused on the
task at hand. They can become undisciplined, disorganized, and ignore profitability. They will often
avoid confrontation. The fear behind these negative behaviors is that others may reject them and
they may lose approval.

Selling to Feelers

Because feelers are so people oriented and fast paced, you need to establish a rapport quickly and
build a relationship. Make them the center of attention. They appreciate enthusiasm and expect
good eye contact. Mirror their informality and avoid stiffness and formality. Appreciate their
spontaneity.

Your presentation of their solution should focus on how the solution fits their dreams, ideas and
opinions. You must demonstrate how your solution will give them the status and prestige they
crave. Listen carefully and keep them on track. You don’t want your sales call to turn into a visit. Do
not push details and facts on them in the oral presentation, but make sure to have these on paper to
help him or her follow along.

Adaptive Selling

6

The

Intuitor

An intuitor exhibits high sociability and low dominance.

Intuitors are good listeners who are very quiet and unassuming. They have very low visibility
because they are quiet and reserved. Though they have and display feelings, they do so without a lot
of force. Rather than relying on power, the intuitor uses friendly persuasion. It takes them a long
time to make a decision because they are thoughtful and deliberate. They tend to see everyone’s
position in a situation.

Some other descriptors of intuitors are passive, warm, docile, sensitive and compliant.

What Intuitors Look Like

The intuitor is service oriented, dependable, group-oriented and nurturing. They are receptive and
gentle. They like to help others and want everyone to get along. They like systems that keep things
running smoothly but when things don’t work out, they go with the flow and gets things done. They
expect everyone to do their share. They appear calm and relaxed and are not overly demonstrative.
They often appear content. They are practical, predictable, and slow to change. They do not give up
easily. They are risk averse. The quiet introspective manner of the intuitor cloaks a dreamer and a
visionary who can see things form many angles. They can conjure ideas and options out of thin air.

The intuitor appears warm and approachable. They care about others but they are more reserved in
their expression of emotion or opinion. Their body movements are slow and deliberate. They have
indirect eye contact. Their facial expressions are highly animated. Their speech is slow and soft.
Their body tends to lean back. Compared to others, intuitors tend to express moderate opinions if
they express any. Intuitors tend to dress casually or ostentatiously.

If you get to see their office, you’ll find it open and friendly. The desk will be positioned to let the
Feeler have physical contact with visitors. You will find lots of pictures of family and personal
mementos on the desk and walls. Intuitors like solitary activities and individual sports.

The Dark Side of Intuitors

When intuitors get stressed, they are unable to make a strong stand and will agree with everyone.
They may become anxious to win the approval of others, so they will conform. They may become
overly self-sacrificing. In some cases, stressed intuitors may appear to be wimpy, insecure doormat.
The fear behind these negative behaviors is that things will change.

Selling to Intuitors

Because intuitors are people oriented you must build a social relationship with them before
proceeding. This is critical. Without a personal relationship, they will not move forward. Let them
direct the conversation. Because they don’t express much, you should listen carefully to their
feelings and opinions. Study their feelings and opinions along with their technical needs. You should
be professional but friendly.

You can connect easily with them by giving them time to dream and not crowding their personal
space. Make sure to support their views and provide personal assurances. Remember they do not
like change and risk averse. Move slowly and with patience. Don’t rush them. It takes them longer to
comprehend the proposal. If you have to disagree with something they say remember that they do
not like conflict, so be gentle and respectful.

Adaptive Selling

7

Communication Bias

Communication bias is seeking to communicate only in the style in which you’re comfortable:
your own style. Let’s face it, it’s comfortable. We’ve been communicating a certain way our whole
lives. Communication bias can cause tremendous problems for people engaged in professional
persuasion. Another problem for professional persuaders is that most salespeople focus on the
content of their communication and the technical specifications of their solutions rather than on
how they deliver the information. While it might be nice to speak only to feelers if you’re an feeler,
in sales you can’t pick the communication style of your clients. You have to work with the
communication style of your clients.

Stress and Communication Styles
When people are relaxed, they tend to communicate in a more or less centered style that does not
favor any one of the four communication styles. Psychologically healthy people tend to use a little
bit of all four styles all the time. They tend to be balanced when they are relaxed. Let’s use the
analogy of a wheel spinning on its axis. If the wheel is pretty well balanced, it turns smoothly and
evenly. A relaxed mood, lets you work from the close to the axis.

Stress makes a person revert to their favored communication style. The more stressed a person
becomes, the further they move away from the center. When a person reaches the furthest reaches
of their communication style, they enter the dark side. For example, sensors, who are generally take
charge kind of people, may become tactless, harsh and abrasive in their drive to reach their goals.

Low Sociability
High Sociability
High
Dominance
Low
Dominance
Sensor
Feeler
Thinker
Intuitor

Relaxed & centered

Stressed & unbalanced

Adaptive Selling

8

Stressed intuitors who would normally be nurturing and receptive people suddenly become wishy-
washy doormats who try to please everyone.
The issue that drives people to the outer edge of the communication style circle is fear. Every
communication style has a different fear.

 Feelers fear rejection and loss of approval.
 Sensors fear losing or being taken advantage of.
 Thinkers fear unwanted criticism or criticism that they are not good enough.
 Intuitors fear change and the loss of the status quo.

To best communicate with people when they are stressed, we should keep in mind what fear is
driving their behavior and work with their communication style.

Style Flexing
The best way to work with someone’s communication style is to adapt your own style to theirs. This
is the essence of style flexing. You change the way you present the information so your prospective
client can more easily understand and act on the information you are providing.

For example when communicating with a thinker, you have to consider how a thinker operates. A
thinker is cool and controlled. They gather lots of information which they cautiously check and
weigh. They make decisions deliberately and calculate the odds of success. They like order.

Then you present your information in the way they want to hear it. Because they are cool, you keep
the presentation businesslike and unemotional. Because they like order and detail, you present
information in a well-organized manner with more detail than you would normally use. You move
slowly and methodically.

Establishing Rapport

Effective distance communication can be a difficult task.   Let’s take a look at how you can adapt traditional communication techniques for use on the web and begin establishing instant rapport with your clients.

Have you ever sat on one end of a phone or inbox and wondered what was going through your client’s head on the other end? Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself, “I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about this person that I really like?”

Without body language and facial expressions, misunderstandings happen easier and people are quicker to make inferences on the little information they have. That’s why rapport, or connection, is important. In his book, “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman defines rapport as,

“…the establishment of common ground, of a comfort zone where two or more people can mentally join together. When you have rapport, each of you brings something to the interaction – attentiveness, warmth, a sense of humor, for example – and each brings something back: empathy, sympathy, maybe a couple of great jokes. Rapport is the lubricant that allows social exchanges to flow smoothly.”

So why is rapport so important? Because, when they have a choice, people interact with people they like. While it might be nice to think that we humans are logical creatures, in truth we are very emotional – and emotions (‘feelings’) play a larger part in our decisions that most people realize. Most people base their relationships on their feelings, and according to Boothman, you only have about 90 seconds to build that connection with the person you’re meeting and give them a good feeling about you.

But how do we do it? How do we make a favorable first impression, and build rapport between them and us? Here are three time-tested, readily applicable ways to build instant rapport with your clients.

Be Friendly

You’ll often read in communication resources that a smile is one of the best likability building tools out there. And while people can’t see your smile long-distance, they sure can hear it in your voice. In his famous book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, Dale Carnegie writes,

“The effect of a smile is powerful – even when it is unseen… Your smile comes through in your voice. Robert Cryer, manager of a computer department for a Cincinnati, Ohio, company, told how he had successfully found the right applicant for a hard-to-fill position:

‘I was desperately trying to recruit a Ph.D. in computer science for my department. I finally located a young man with ideal qualifications who was about to be graduated from Purdue University. After several phone conversations I learned that he had several offers from other companies, many of them larger and better known than mine. I was delighted when he accepted my offer. After he started on the job, I asked him why he had chosen us over the others. He paused for a moment and then he said: “I think it was because managers in the other companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-like manner, which made me feel like just another business transaction. Your voice sounded as if you were glad to hear from me… that you really wanted me to be a part of your organization.” You can be assured, I am still answering my phone with a smile.” ’ ”

Don’t be so bubbly that you lose your professionalism, but do your best to smile, even if you don’t feel like it – it really does make a difference.  Smiling is more difficult with email, since people can’t hear your voice or see your smile, so you’re basically left with using emoticons. As a general rule, this is poor practice and looks unprofessional, but it depends on what kind of atmosphere you would like to establish for that relationship. Of course, it would definitely be a bad idea to use emoticons in an email to a prospective client, but in some cases using them can add some friendly warmth to your correspondence and take that keep you from having a cold, corporate edge. One more interesting thought about smiling and emails: if smiling while talking makes your voice sound different, could smiling while you’re writing make your email sound more friendly? It sure wouldn’t hurt to try!

Make them Feel Important

Don’t be false or cheesy about it, but everyone loves to feel important, so this is definitely a excellent way to build good rapport. Dale Carnegie lists six ways to make people like you – notice how numbers 1, 4, 5, and 6 all point towards making the other person feel important:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people – your interest is a sign of your respect, so becoming interested in who a person will make them feel important.

2. Smile – we already talked about this one.

3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest  and most important in any language – once again, taking the time to remember and recognize their name goes a long way in building good rapport.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves – the world is full of lonely, under-appreciated people. Just taking the time to listen will make a big difference for a lot of folks. And, if you’ve been following #1 and are genuinely interested in your client, this will come easy.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests- again, if you’ve become interested in who they are and have been listening to them, this will come naturally. It’s a simple continuation of numbers 1 and 4.

6. Make the other person feel important – this is the capstone, the culmination of it all. That’s what all these things will accomplish, and that’s why people will enjoy working with you.

By being interested in them, calling them by name and being a good listener, you’ll build a good experience, and you’ll be one of those people that is pleasant to talk to. Many people are very self-absorbed, so by taking the time and effort to think of  your client first you’ll really make yourself stand out.

Synchronize

The fact is, people like people like themselves. We tend to relate to people who are similar to us. Synchronization is when people find themselves on the same ‘wavelength’.  It is basically just matching your tone and/or communication style to match theirs, similar to how you would follow the house rules if you were a guest in someone else’s home. When communicating long-distance, there are three different areas that you can practice synchronization in:

1. Tone of voice –

Admittedly, this one only works for telephone communication or Skype, but it shouldn’t be overlooked. For example, if your client is very excited and enthusiastic about a project, you should reflect their enthusiasm in your own voice. If on the other hand a client is very business-like in their communication with you, being too warm and personal will probably just get on their nerves.

2. Communication Style and Method –

While it’s not good to let clients push you around, it does make a good impression when you adapt to a client’s preferred style/method. If they like to communicate via brief phone calls, try to do that, or if they like to use email and be a little more friendly/personal, go ahead and adopt a more friendly tone.

3. Goals & Interests –

We already touched on this, but it deserves a closer look. Here’s the idea: people don’t usually care what your reasons are for wanting something, so don’t even go there. Instead, focus on paying attention to what they want, and then show them how they can get closer to their goal. Dale Carnegie says,

“I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer. Personally, I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted… Why not use that same common sense when fishing for people?”

You will find people to be infinitely more cooperative when you focus on their goals and interests first.

A note about synchronization: please understand, this doesn’t mean that you should be a sourpuss just because someone else is, and it doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your personality or pretend to be someone you aren’t. It is simply a pleasant way to show your respect, so if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Whatever you decide, just realize that flexing to fit someone else’s style almost always produces a favorable impression.

Got Rapport?

Sales research has shown that up to 90% of success in selling depends on your skills for establishing rapport with your prospect or customer. The data also indicates that while average salespeople do well in selling to people like themselves, top performing Sales Professionals have learned how to build relationships with, and sell to, anyone.
What do elite Sales Professionals know that others don’t? Top Performers understand that, despite what trainers have been teaching for more than thirty years, establishing rapport is more than just asking about a picture on the wall or an object on a desk. They also know that building rapport requires more than charisma and attitude. The highest earning Sales Professionals consistently practice the skills required to connect with people, earn their trust, and build confidence so that a relationship is quickly formed.
Having rapport with someone means you understand them well enough to experience the world through their eyes. It is a fact that people like, and are more comfortable with people who are like themselves. So it logically follows that the more we can learn to be like our prospects and customers, the better rapport we will have with them. But it’s not enough to just be similar to someone; it’s having sincerity, establishing trust, listening, having the right intentions and it’s understanding their values.

We have all heard the saying that customers most often buy from people they like. And while this is true I believe that there is another more powerful tenet at play. I believe that people really like to buy from people they believe like them. I’m sure to some this sounds a little strange so think about it this way. One of the strongest human cravings, beside sex, is the desire to be liked and accepted by others. We want other people to become our friend, respect us, listen to us, show us sympathy, appreciate us and make us feel important. And, when we believe that another person likes us, we reciprocate and return the favor.
What top sales professionals have learned to do is get beyond rapport and become so sincerely interested in their prospects and customers that they become friends with them. This is powerful because when a connection is made at this level and a friendship formed, they are virtually guaranteed success.

The Sales Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Building Rapport

· Strangers Scare Us: There are few things we find as disconcerting as a stranger asking us personal questions. Yet, that is what many salespeople do the first time they meet a new client or prospect. Great Sales Professionals have learned to find common ground on the business level first. Once this bond is established, then they earn the right to get personal and become even more connected.

· The Name Game: We have been conditioned since childhood to respond to the sound of our own name. When someone uses our name we instantly become more comfortable. In fact, there is no other word more beautiful to our ears. Great Sales Professionals recognize that using names strengthens connections and rapport, and have developed techniques for remembering and using names.

· Find and Solve Problems: The fastest way to lose rapport is to start selling. Your prospects and customers don’t want to be sold. Selling happens when your mouth runneth over with the features and benefits of your product. When you forget about the “sale” and instead focus on listening to your customer and their problems, you earn trust. Trust, is the foundation of all rapport.

· Shut Up and Listen: Listening is the real key to rapport and for that matter all relationships. Listening is the manifestation of empathy. And empathy is simply our ability to stand in another’s shoes and to learn to be like them. Empathy connects us to other people on the emotional level. Great Sales Professionals listen deeply, paying close attention to words, tone of voice and body language. They focus their complete and sincere attention on the other person quickly developing a strong connection which often leads to friendship and profitable business relationship.

9/9

I just out of

curiosity,

do you start thinking

about

ways to get the argument going against you can figure out how to get it right. That’s known as conniving.

Okay

?

Notice that all of this stuff is going on. Now. I’ve been working

with

this for a

very, very

long time. You guys have only had it for

what

? A couple of weeks. You need to step up your game on this stuff.

Let me give you

so

me examples.

Okay.

So

, Teresa.

Now I’m not going to pick up I’m not going to pick on you because I’ve already picked on

Okay,

let me do this. So roya warmth with you. And caring goes a long way. But

if

you can’t feel me

start shutting down. Right

here. Okay. Okay.

So,

warmth coming from Me, me being warm towards you, me being interested in me being personable to you really works out, but if I’m sort of a little bit distant as an Anglo American, you’re kind of like, What the hell’s going on?

Yeah.

Okay.

Haley

Yoshida.

Yes.

Enjoy today.

A lot of things going around.

Go

for either.

Okay, well if we look at the old Irish say, I want you guys to write this down.

Right write it down into

a shelter of other

relationships

as you’re saying

that people are like warm and we’ll see I actually like open up because, like I feel comfortable and

I would think so now for some,

but I can see straight off when I’m looking at the person’s face, I can already see how to approach the person and how to say the things that he said.

I’m gonna give you some other things that I found because I need you to add this in to your notes.

Here are four wants, write them down in a row and then let’s try and figure out who they are. Wants assurance

wants it now.

wants the facts.

wants it fun.

That is

correct. Did everybody get that?

I get blank looks let’s Merriam go again slower and louder.

Now Sundancer

bow And then fun

Okay, very good. I’m going to give you four question words. Write these in a column. Okay.

why,

how,

what

and who?

why, how, what?

Any guesses?

Someone else

was thinking

eat at the house

hold off for a second Angel. That was my first guest so don’t don’t feel bad that was my first guest.

But now

who was the other person who’s coming in? Emily

You are correct.

How

is think? How does this work? How do you get this done? Now in the other class, one of the guys came up with this idea. He said you

know how

know how the person who most likes knowing

now, Angel,

you are on the correct axis, the cool x which person

would be

the one to ask? Why

racks? direct very good. Now these questions that are

very light

What?

Last one would be?

Correct.

Now,

let’s back up a little bit. So now you’ve got the answers to these questions about what each one of the communication styles is. Asking, go back and look at the notes for there. And what I want you to do is I want you to think about their fears. And then consider

the question that they are asking

thinker asks, how

what are they afraid of?

I think

for correct and wrong, but

I would think that they’re thinking like,

all the possibilities

that came into that decision, or whatever it was, like how so it’s like, for example,

we break down for whatever.

Well how did it happen? You and me. I want to know everything that happens so that I can see every possible outcome. I know I feel safe, not unsafe. I feel like I know what’s going on.

David, that is exactly correct. And you do feel by the way you do feel safe, when you know how

we’re gonna be more secure

myself,

I guess.

Yes,

we feel more secure. Now we’re going to be talking a lot more about security today in our lecture, let’s go let’s go back and look at the feeler. What is the feelers dark side what are they afraid of?

losing face Exactly.

Perfect.

Why do they ask

someone is making

Okay said something about,

okay, we could go in that direction. Carla Haley, we could go in that direction. But we’re by feelers Raise your hand. Next read if you’re feeling

Gabriel, let me ask you this question

you want to do pleasing behave when you’re in a bad situation?

Why are you asking?

Because you want to know who’s watching?

Who am I doing this for? Very good. You see the dark side is always tied to one of these questions. Now go back and look at the sensor What is the same sort of dark side?

Losing?

So

what’s the what is the purpose of the question? Why are they asked the question, what

they want to figure out how to win at a time.

What do they want to do? They want to know how to win. They want to know what’s at stake, they want to know how to measure.

They want to know what to watch

very nicely. Now, next thing I want you to do is I want you to draw two axes, x and y axes. I’m going to give you some different words to attack this stuff.

Okay.

on the horizontal axis, one side is task oriented.

The other side is people oriented.

Now on the vertical axis, one side is fast and aggressive. And the other end is steady and cautious.

Fast and aggressive on one side. One

person would be fast and aggressive or people very good. Who would be task oriented, but steady and cautious. A Faker, very good. See how you’re doing this? You’re starting to think What I want you guys to be able to do when you go to take this test is this look at the test and hit the button and say this is that it should not require a lot of thinking.

Okay, another axis. Okay.

On one, it’s task for people and the other one. It’s assertive or reserved.

See where I’m going with this

Okay, two of these people are likely to leave, which are the two that are likely to lead.

And then which are the two that are likely to analyze,

to lead and

to analyze and yes, we know

both of them are very, very high on analysis, but to get out in front of people. It’s going to be the sensor and feeler. Just look at the juxtaposition between opening up your mouth to lead and being quiet and think about what the hell is going on. Not

See that’s a different way of looking at the X.

Which one

would be

outgoing, optimistic and outspoken. There’s two of them. outgoing, optimistic and outspoken. attentive. feeler? Nope. outgoing hey how you doing?

They speak out

feeler sensor would be outgoing, optimistic and outspoken. You see, this is another way of taking a look at some of these axes. Look at this axis at the end of this one opposite outgoing, optimistic and outspoken you have introverted, soft spoken and pessimistic.

Probably more

intuitive and intuitive and think. Very good. Very good.

Probably you guys. Now keep filling these in now I’m going to give you a little free gift. Okay, write this down and go and look it up later on on Google because there’s a ton of stuff out There, there is a system called disc, d i s c

those

with

the stuff that I get

the stuff that you found in the folder called adaptive communication. Make sure you fit that in on your study page and start going over and try to figure out what are the difference. Okay,

so

thank you so much for not dropping the class being here today.

This

is

good. I want to share a couple of things. Okay. I started the class by two You the communication styles because some people would drop in new people would come in and I’ll tell you, I got a new guy that just added last Wednesday. So he’s facing it’s in the class. So he’s facing the test coming up. We’re going to open

Monday at 7pm.

I had to get a hook to get you guys to start paying attention for people. But now that I’ve got your attention and you understand what we’re doing, now begins the actual construction. Today, we begin with rapport. I want to bring out a couple of things that I want you guys to do. You should have a notebook paper and pencil in your writing. If you are typing, you are going to miss a lot more. Because typing is a very, very linear way of putting stuff down rapport r A PP o r t.

Let me tell

you a couple of things about rapport First off, let me tell you, it is not about getting the other person to like I have fallen into rapport on purpose with some people that didn’t like me and I didn’t like them. But we got into rapport and we got the thing that you needed to have done done. It’s not about making the other person like the second thing. It’s not about being nice.

Oh,

he’s so nice. It’s not about having welcome tattooed on your back. So people wipe their feet.

Let me give you this, okay. Consider it is considered first Would you be willing to expand your world to include their world and their experiences, so you can see the world from their position? Let me share this with you, Amy, you may not have guessed this, but I’m a man. Okay, I have no idea what it’s like to be a woman. But can I expand my world to try to envision and try to see the world from your position?

I think yes. Okay, that is falling to rapport. That’s all we’re talking about when we’re talking about rapport, me being able to expand my world to include yours, so I can see how you see the world. Okay, now, let’s begin by defining and illustrating some of the things that report truly truly is. Okay?

You are the message you your physical body, not your perfume, not your words, not your clothes, your body is the message. Now, in the other class, somebody said, Oh yeah, rapport is body language. No, I don’t want you to use a word body language because we have language.

Language

has what?

grammar?

We don’t even need to get to that point. Your body is the message. Do babies have language? I’m opening it up to you guys. A fire of five months old because a five month old have language?

Yes.

What is the lat? What is the language?

Just their reactions and like how they’re feeling

their reactions?

Is that language?

Is that language?

It’s for communication.

Is it language? Does it have grammar?

No.

Okay. So it’s not like now somebody else said all the reason it’s Non verbals. Well then we have another problem we’re using what? verbal? Another form of language. So what I’m going to ask you, let’s change this, let’s just call it and leave it at that. Stick with that word, because it’s physical. Here’s what we want to do with rapport, two things and you’ll see me do this a lot. Okay? One is I want to decrease fear. That’s the purpose of reform. It decreases fear, and it raises understanding, it decreases fear and it raises understanding. Let’s go back to Babies can’t a baby. Understand

the noises that you’re making?

No.

No, we could take up we could take. Let me ask you this question.

So roya What language do you guys speak at home?

Russian,

okay, Russian. If I gave you a baby that came from a Mexican family, and I gave it to your mom,

Could your mom calm the baby down?

Yes. Okay. No language. No language is just like, the way of communication with with a baby. It doesn’t have a language. It is

not language. It’s all physical. That’s why I’m saying we lower fear in the understanding

that we’re

raising the future. First understanding

is safe.

Safe. That’s the first understanding.

So let me go on. Hey, dude, let me get all surfer like here because when we’re in rapport we’re in sync. We’re like on the same wavelength. Write that down See? The Texan coming across as surfers. We’re on the same wavelength. Somebody once said to me that they considered it a form of high unconscious responsiveness.

These are all report.

So, you want to hear a couple of stories.

Yeah,

cuz that was my favorite part. kindergarden storytime because I

didn’t have

to do anything. I did not have a good time in kindergarten. So it’s a wonder I made it out of their miserable time. Okay, my brother was born and when a site is out of him demon, okay? They speak Spanish

You can file two other things under. Okay.

One is,

begin with the body. This is a body thing. When you back in the days when we could still go into nightclubs. You could go into a club, and you could know, just by the way the person was walking and and making noises, what was going on with them. Begin with the body. The first thing to begin with the body is eye contact. Make eye contact with them. Now, this is the easiest way to make eye contact, I do not believe in the business of looking at the person like. In some cultures. That’s incredibly disrespectful high power distance cultures Asian cultures. Russia is another one too where you do not make a lot of eye contact with people. So all I ask you to do is check to make sure that the person has eyeballs. And after you look away and look back and see if they have a color. And then you can look away and then you can look back and see if the color has stayed the same. You don’t have to maintain like that. Well you know how it is. Northern European cultures when you’re just looking at people looking right back, there’s not that one. The second thing that I want you to look at is I want you to look at the breath.

Your breathing

has a rhythm, the other person’s breath has a rhythm. When the rhythms are matched.

Then

you’re falling into rapport. If one person is hyperventilating and they’re breathing very very fast and the other person is this kind of breathing along, you’re not going to have a report. You have to synchronize. The only thing that I want you to consider is, I want you to consider the posture is the person’s body closed. Notice how I’m closing my body now.

Or is the posture, open.

Now, a friend of mine pointed out the fact that she’s a yoga person, she said you know if you think about it when you’re doing this, you’re pushing your heart toward your spine. Your shoulders in your head your head, you’re protecting your heart. But if you open up and you relax your shoulders and your daddy.

Hello. What was that,

are you doing two things at once. This was

sorry by my girlfriend’s

sister Kevin asked me a question. Oh, okay.

Did she wipe up the dog pee.

Actually she did it for her. Okay, make sure you’re nice to the. If my heart is open my posture is up my shoulders are back and relaxed.

So how did we get this way.

Biologically set up this way

back. Thousands and millions and millions of years ago when our forebears were coming up out of the trees, coming out of the trees in Africa, in the savanna and we were getting down into the tall grass. Now remember, when protohumans. You know the grass is four or five feet tall and we’re down there digging in the grass, you know, finding grubs and nuts to eat. There’s this thing that. Imagine this for a second. Let me pick on somebody I haven’t picked on yet. How about Peter Valencia.

Are you there.

Hello, Peter.

I’m not hearing anything Peter.

You gotta unmute.

You’re gonna have a hard time, I’ll be something wrong with this.

Are you there, Peter.

Okay, keep working on your microphone. Because you’re gonna have to participate. Le s, that’s what work with you. Okay. Now, LS You and I are part of the same protohumans troupe. Can you see behind you right now we’re facing each other right. Can you see behind me. Well yeah you’re looking at the screen right. You’re looking at me you see me right. Can you see me yes or no. Okay. Do you have eyes in the back of your head. Okay. Just to be clear, because some of us or aliens we may have them. Okay. Now,

suppose

we’re digging.

You’re looking at me, I’m looking at you, and all of a sudden you see this face. Okay, you ready.

What did your ancestors do when they saw that face on my ancestors, something but no there’s no getting the idea. Your ancestors started screaming and ran toward me. Because if you turn around and go hey what’s Bob looking at

the tiger woods.

That would have been the end of the gene pool for the site, do

you see where I’m going with this. What we’re talking about here you can look this up on the internet later on, it’s called mirror neurons, a mirror neurons. And they’ve just been discovered recently.

The mirror neuron is very powerful because it. When you see the look on my face of fear. The thing that travels, and it’s at a subconscious level is fear. If I’m looking past you. And I’m laughing and scratching myself, then you’re going oh Bob’s having a good time and then you’re gonna think wonder what’s going on, turn around and and realize that one of your little kids that’s running around behind us, falling over and stuck his head in a hole, and it was funny. So we’re laughing and you’re safe. The mirror neurons. It’s interesting, I can show you a picture of 100 people standing, you know, like in a stadium, and your eye will automatically go to the person who is horrifying for the person who’s afraid that fast. Okay. Why does that happen. Okay. Hold on. So now it’s picture time. You guys can hear me. Oh yeah, Peter you’re here.

My

air pods ran out of battery and then.

Okay. Well,

that makes sense. Okay so Peter You got it, but you were you able to hear the things that I would say, yeah. Okay good, that’s the important part. So now you and I were going to play. Okay. Okay. Have you ever had a Tootsie Pop. Yes. Okay, so a Tootsie Pop is a candy on a stick. Okay, so the first thing I’m going to show you how your brain is made up. So what I want you to do is I want you to draw a line with a little.on the repeater. This is your brainstem and your spinal cord. What we know this as is the reptilian brain. Now, why is the reptilian brain in charge of. Well, it’s interesting to find this video on youtube I don’t know what to type in the type of frog in a cell phone, and they have a frog, a real frog, and they put a cell phone in a little app that does like a little blue like this.

and that frog is

is hitting that day. Because

the reptilian brain is in charge of movement and basic body things like respiration,

which your brainstem.

The frog doesn’t know where to sell phone. The frog doesn’t even see a fly before the frog sees movement, and that kind of movement means I can eat. David Amina.

Okay, so, I always ask my girlfriend because if we talk about anything, and then basically what I say is that the body’s main function is survival, I want to see if this relates to what you’re saying. The body’s main function is survival second main function is reproduction. You know everything you do is, in order for you to survive that your body’s like, you know, like your unconscious mind wants to survive as a pass on genes or whatever. So, in this case for the frog. Since, eating is a survival function and that’s part of the reptilian brain that’s on it doesn’t. I, I would think so. Same thing with the crowd enough, you know whatever in the with the horrified face. The brain, I would, I would think the brain will automatically see that face because, again, something to protect you. So again it goes to survival. Same thing with you. She brings into the

exam. Okay, so you’re, you and I were on the same page. So let’s add in the next one. So you got the little stick with a little ball at the end right. That’s the reptilian brain. Now, like the Tootsie Pop okay cuz that’s the stick with a little Carmel inside. Okay, now draw a circle around the Carmel part. And that piece is known as the roto emilian brain pro tobe mammalian brain. And now I take it isn’t given that we are different from reptiles, do we go from from eggs. You know we’re not cold blooded we’re social creatures. We’re mammals. So what are we talking about the proto mammalian brain also operates by neath the level of consciousness, you’re not conscious of anybody have a dog.

I mean,

aside from the Seuss. Okay. Emily. Okay, let’s let’s play with you. What’s your dog’s name.

My dog’s name is

Mitch. Okay. So,

mitsu only transmits you love you

and you love nature. When, when, when mitsu hears your voice which goes. Ah,

I’m ready. Yeah, well, okay.

So he barely walks. Well, yeah,

but it’s same time he’ll raise his head up here’s your voice of yours My voice goes up there’s your voice, it’s like, oh, the one who loves me. Okay, so what are we talking about in the protocol mammalian brain there’s only two positions, I like it. Or, I don’t like it. That’s it.

Beneath the level of consciousness

that somebody just told me

that is beneath the level of consciousness you feel it in here. And then think about it. Now, the last piece. So you got the brainstem with little dots, you got a circle around that. And now you got an even

big

ger circle around the other circles that piece of

cortex.

Now when you and I, in this palace of thinking you know there’s the university, boy. When we talk about the brain what we’re talking about is the cortex. But here’s the deal. Most of our decision making in rapport happens at the pro mammalian brain, you’re not sitting there thinking that I’m not, for example. I’m not looking at it David Vina and I’m going like, oh, he is paying attention to me. He is a good student, he is writing down notes. He is thinking about what I am doing. I’m just looking at his face and I like the guy. Or the one that’s not doing anything I got like don’t like him. It’s that fast. That’s how report is. So, I’m gonna play a game now, and I’m going to teach you about something that’s a lot of fun. It’s called the Boothman greeting. Okay. Write this down boots b o th e Ma, and he wrote a book called convince them to 90 seconds or less. I love this book, I found it by accident. I paid full price for it. And I started using it in the best piece of the whole thing was I started getting my coffee for free while I was working on my doctorate. And that was the best thing because man I was mainlining iced coffee. And I started getting it for free. So here is the Boothman greeting and you guys are going to practice this in the Boothman greeting.

There are five steps, this Ben.

So let’s begin with step

number one

,

open,

open in open, you want to have an open attitude. Hey, I accept you, because you’re another human being. Open attitude and the other one is want to happen. Body. Now, look at your wrist, right here. Ladies, you know that this is a good place to put perfume because it just seems to go everywhere when you do that correct. Ah, yeah this is an important pressure point. Now, this is to drop your arms next to your size, and let your wrists point towards your hips. Now feel feel what your body feels like. And now, turn your wrists, to face me in the spring.

You kind of roll them out.

Okay, roll them back in.

Okay, roll them out.

Do you know that one of the first places we look at when people are walking towards us as we look at their hands. We don’t even, we’re not even aware of. If the hands are rolled out this little piece right here is one tender little piece.

And you also see that my hands are open.

I’d have no weapon.

Okay.

Second thing I

look directly at them

and make sure your energy is positive. Now, this is the blessing of COVID-19. And I talked to some of the clerks at Walmart where I shop, Walmart neighborhood market, and they also agreed. When we’re wearing a mask. The only thing I can see is the other person’s eyes. I can tell when the person is smiling at me. I can tell when the person is frowning at me. I can tell when the person is distracted just by looking at the eyes. The mask forces us into the eye. So, make sure your energy is positive.

Number three,

b e a f

b be the first one to smile.

Make sure your smile reflects your attitude. Now, think about this for a second. You never know the person that you’re going to be meeting, but they might be really cool. Right. They might be a really nice person. Be happy that they’re in front of you, it’s like oh you’re here I get to the part of my job somebody else. But that attitude shot. Number four. Hi. That’s h i be the first to identify yourself. Hi, I’m Bob. Now this is what’s kind of interesting about this remember how mama always taught us. Hey, don’t, don’t talk to strangers. Well if I introduce myself as Bob you already know my name right. So I’m not a stranger. But you’re a stranger. But if I feel confident enough to say Hi I’m Bob Do you normally what you do is what Riley,

you tend to like reintroduce yourself back.

So Hi I’m Bob, and just say hi Riley and kind of engage in conversation. That’s the point be the first one to say hi and say your name. Then you take the lead. Now, in pre COVID-19 times we would stick out our hand and shake hands. These days I see people waving a sauce and other people fist Bob I saw some people doing elbow stuff. Some people doing hair hugs. I don’t know about that air hugging, is I seen plenty of the fist bumps. When I’m talking to the person. I will say their name, two or three times.

Because this is the thing. Julia.

You know that you have the same name as my sister in law,

she is she’s Russian and her name is Julie. I’m Russian so that’s that’s my Russian name. Ah, yeah. Now do you spell it. Why you Li ya.

All my like legal name here is Juliet but like around Russian people like they’ll call me Viet because it’s kind of like the Russian version

correct because Yulia spells her name several different ways, sometimes she’ll spell it ju y, excuse me, Jul, I A. And other times it’ll be. Why you Li Y, yeah, look at that now we got two Russian speakers in here we’ve got Surya and we have. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. See the person’s name two or three times and then we start talking and gathering information. So how long have your parents been.

Yes, your

mom has been here for about 21 years and then born here but his parents are Russian.

Okay, that’s that’s kind of cool so most of the time at home when speaking English and English. But, what, what’s your favorite Russian store.

Well I live in northern

Northern California and it’s called busy.

Busy Bee okay so the the real the real, real big one down here. And so Cal rescued. Really. Oh yeah, cuz they’ve got the Black Caviar and they’ve got it in queue Oh containers and they will scoop out exactly what you need. Okay, you see the smile at saraya Khan’s gone like, Oh, yeah, yeah it’s nice, fancy store for fancy people. Well the other way that you could go to the close by for non fancy people is called Super King. And that’s where I go. See, still get the Black Caviar there. Okay. Number five, lean in. It can be a Don’t do this. Hello. How are you, that freaks people out this lean in a little bit nod your head, lean in. Hey, how you doing this indicates interest. And then what happens is your bodies begin to synchronize. Now, here is what I want you to do. This is your field work.

You are going to collect smiles.

And the This is so much fun. Anytime you’re walking towards somebody like in a hall. You got your entire Hall in an aisle at the grocery store. Turn your wrist to face the person, and smile

and see if they smile back.

Now that’s one collection. Go and you do it to another one and see if they smile and they smile back. What you’ll find is an experiment. Keep your, keep your wrists against your, your thighs or, you know, closed and smile and I bet you they won’t smile back or see if the smile is kind of forced. This is how I started experimenting. I thought to myself, all this sounds like bullshit. I went ahead and I did it. I started doing it in the hallways at the university. And then it started working so I went down to the little coffee place where they sold, so there wasn’t a real Starbucks with this little Starbucks coffee. I started doing it there were two women who work there one was while they were both younger than me but one of them was a little bit older, and has gone and started talking with them and just started flashing my wrist and smiling at them and calling them by their name. Well, it only took two weeks, and all of a sudden they’d see me in line and my iced coffee appear at the far end of the cap already on it, and I wasn’t even paid. That was pretty cool. So it works. But here’s the thing, the body, always works. The body. And what I want you to know about reporters. By any chance, you are relating to something, and all of a sudden, the person is not paying attention or something breaks off. Don’t worry about what to say. Get your body back and it’s always the basis. Get the body back and not having problems.

I’ll take five minutes.

box that simple one, to get my body. Just calm down,

back from basics.

It’s the body

that I hate to tell you this, because we all grown up. Some of you still have a still a baby. Kevin barrus still a baby I

work with people at that level.

Instantly

gravitate toward work. Okay.

I have more opportunities, more interesting than $2,000 $7,500 or 5000.

There will be a sales

competition, which virtually will be playing against other universities are looking for right now. I think about five or six.

If you’re interested in that, training,

myself,

send me an email.

Drop the lucky number. Attach your resume and tell me

your website, really quick.

Just tell us why you want to be in it. Guest.

So if you’re interested, it’s there, but they’ve got two competitions and it will take place. The two days after veteran saying, the 12th and the 13th of November. It’s virtual so we’ll do it right here. Various individual competition and group competition. So you will be playing on each one of those has a first, second and third place for the individuals. 10,000 7000 505,000 for the group, the same numbers but it’s divided by all the members. It’s good training, it looks really good on your resume, and

you’re gonna get some stuff. Dr.

Oakley has 28 years of experience in sales leadership, and Dr.

Good

. Really nice. He’s got plenty.

So

if you’re interested, email me but email me quickly. Okay, because we’re going to have to get this stuff going next.

9/14

being real. Let me give you another word. True.

Are you true,

sir. Oh yeah, you’re trying

every. Think about journey as a life, everything we do in our lives like go to school. Take some jobs. We do it to find out who we are and what our preferences in life and what we want to do in life so pretty much like a like if is just realizing, who the person is. Okay so that we did say it would do the whole time like from from the infancy to adulthood. about to death to their fear.

Okay, so let’s take a couple of words that Sedalia came up with that I think are really important for one is journey in the sense that it’s a life. This is your life, it’s meant to be live. Okay. And the other thing is going inside myself. You are finding yourself every time throughout your life. I’m not the same man that I was this morning. Several things have happened to me that have changed a lot of things that are going on.

Our life changes.

We change through our life.

Okay. The second one that I want you guys to think about is this. This is anonymous. It is better

to understand

. Then to be understood. It is better to understand, then to be understood why now.

Yes, sir.

Go ahead.

Okay. I think it’s better to be, or it’s better to understand now,

rather than be understood because

by choosing to understand.

Instead, you’re kind of

opening, opening up yourself to that person and trying to understand like what they’re trying to understand who they are, you’re opening up yourself and you’re making yourself more

open to them and as a result they can read that as like something like more approachable. Okay, follow us to good word which is open. I want you guys to focus on that word, open

to someone else. As opposed to what would be the opposite of always have to close. Okay. But even look at the words. Under stand

by the word.

It’s two words.

Two words.

Come on.

Stand.

Okay, if

I am trying to get you to understand. We’re on are you standing Riley.

You are under me. I’m trying to make you understand. So you’re either under my feet, or you’re beneath that you see, if I tried to understand you. Don’t I kind of put you up like a little bit like on a pedestal, and I’ve gone by like okay I don’t get it is. I gonna stand under you. So I can grasp everything that you’re talking about, because you obviously see something that I don’t, from where you’re standing. I mean his children. Good we spend most of our time, standing under our parents,

and gone like all man one day I’m going to be big.

People are going to understand me.

And you’re walking around right now going on oh shit nobody understands. But obviously, I’m taller than my mom now what the hell.

That’s fine.

What we’re talking about here is.

So,

today. Go ahead.

I was just gonna say I also interpreted the quote as like, it is better to understand and to understand something, you are the listener that to be understood. And

to be understood is more like you’re the talker. So like to make someone understand, like, I don’t know if that makes sense. Well, let me ask you this. Okay, suppose we were playing ball. Okay. Okay, you’ve got a ball, and you throw it to me What do I do catch it. I catch it. And then I take it and I throw it back to you.

Is it understanding, catching.

Yes. And is it kind of like throwing it throwing Yeah. Okay, so it’s better to catch what the other person is trying to get. I mean because seriously, it could be gold coins.

But we don’t know.

I mean dogs are really smart in that respect, anything that’s thrown, they’re going to catch because sometimes you can eat it or not.

I have a question about this quote actually.

Okay.

Just like to think about it so when we understand people try to, like walk a mile in their shoes. We find ourselves being taken advantage of one day. If we’re like to understanding, like for example, would you be understanding like to your quarters your manager is like doing everything they are asking because, oh, you know, they are in a difficult position or, you know, I need to try to help out but then one day it’s like you are being emotionally completely like how you say that,

yeah because they’ve taken everything. Okay, So, this is, this is a high level thing. sariah but I’m gonna give it to you right now. Okay.

You can tell to take her

share.

You know if the person is always taking. Then what you do is turn around it says, of course, I can help you do this report. Okay. But here’s the thing, I’m going to need you to help take part of this and to get it done by, say three o’clock this afternoon. So we understand that I’m helping you so you don’t meet. And when they go, Ah, you say, yeah, cuz I’m really busy.

And then they suddenly realize, whoa I can’t run this crap.

Of course I’m going to help you, and you’re going to help me with smart.

But here’s the thing to go back at it a different way. Is this what I want you guys to understand is that you have to appreciate their position. But we don’t have to absorb their position. So why do we have styles. Remember that we talked about communication styles. Why did we develop a communication style.

Xavier.

Yeah. No, you’re you lit up so I thought you were gonna say something. Oh, I do have a communication style. No, I wanted to comment on what she had said, Okay, that’s open. Yeah.

I think the point

with that because my mom is really understanding, and really really understanding, to the point where like, so better though Can you shoot and like she feels for you so you’re kind of too like too much has kind of been taken advantage of. I’m like, Mom Yes I think sometimes they’re not showing the appreciation back to you. And

there’s that word appreciation. Now what’s the root of the word appreciating

precious

valuable.

And if you’re not valuable that you better put a high price tag on yourself, because they’ll leave you alone. Yeah, that’s, that’s the point that you guys make. So let’s go back to communication styles. If you remember correctly. We developed a communication style, based on our ego development, remember we were dealing with fear. Tremendous fear, real fear just as if a tiger walked into. Because we suddenly realized, totally separate. We were not in control. So Diigo is defense against fear to pose of control this ego development is what we’re actually dealing with when we’re talking about rapport. I’m going to share with you a couple of pieces from an essay that my Brianna Martinez, wrote back in the spring of 2018, and she wrote a two year old so I guess a little bit close out. And

the essay was so good I had to read it.

So here’s here’s a couple of excerpts

says, In the beginning, let Victoria just cry it out. He did not feel that this was right. So, this is what she said. I’m attended to every cry.

I waited on her.

I say, Mama is here. Mama loves.

This was critical.

For those of you who speak Spanish. One of the words for serving. Someone is to attend that

go into the hospital.

The first physician that you meet

attending physician. What does an attending physician. He tends to you. Or she tends to be you.

Is this that we’re talking about, about attending.

She says Mama’s here. Mama loves. We’re talking to a two year old. Did they get a little bit of language but not to the understanding that you guys have got.

What are we talking about.

Come on, make somebody talk. Right.

To make sure they understand.

Make sure.

Always times when we go into a store and we’re gonna buy something, we are sure, or we meet a salesperson in a retail situation. And we are unsure, a salesperson starts talking to us and we’re now we’re even aura.

But to continue with the settings.

This was critical, because I feel this is where I gained a lot of her mind.

Okay, but

I don’t want you to use the word trust.

Trust to me is a very nasty word and not a lie. Because as trust Was it the other person. I can’t worry. Trust me that’s more business. I can only worry about what I. So I don’t want you to use the word trust of what he is gaining

baby Victoria.

Okay, let’s look at gaming baby Victoria’s confidence.

No like babies giving her confidence because she is making sure they make stops crying when she’s holding her when she’s sending it to her.

Okay, if

the baby gives her confidence because the baby stops crying, if the baby stops crying, what did the baby get.

I guess like she could feel safe because her mind.

Very good. There’s the word safe about oil. Well, oil takes a little while, you know, because you can be doing everything right concerts, you know, if I had a little baby here and this was this was my daughter, and she was crying. I put her in your arms, you may be great with your little baby sister, but my little kids probably gonna start crying. Who the hell are you. Yeah, daddy. This guy. I never know. Now, Surya Be careful, because the way that you had it formulated was, I got to be quiet. That is the way that carsales get you to buy a car. If you took it the other way and you talk to your mom,

your mom held

it You were small and crying.

Your mom would look at your father and say see she feels safe. That’s why your mom was always picking you up and your dad once in a while, when you got pissed at your mom then you went to your dad. And you would look at your mom like

I know I do too.

So let me go on. Listen to this. It was never about me. It was all about her. I’m able to lower her fears, help build her understanding and secure her ego.

I am also attentive,

when she gets frustrated, she’ll throw a tantrum because she has a hard time articulating how she feels. How many times have you seen this kid in a grocery store, and the kid is 55, years old. And they’re throwing a tantrum when they’re trying to return something. Have you seen loss. And they’re kidding. Emily.

Have you seen this customer service at Lowe’s I get every day.

I know, it’s like

little kids, but listen to what she says here.

She has a hard time articulating how she feels so I say it’s okay. Mama No. And I don’t get upset, and I actually hold her and love her, and engage with her, as she moves and calms down. Now think about that. Does it kind of fit what you do. I mean, except for the holding of the five year old.

Here’s the thing, too, right there just bent.

You know,

I do a lot of reading and I read different things but I try to always bring it back into this business about how we work with people and I read a book about the knowledge that cops have, and a woman was interested a little bit yesterday. This is a woman. Her father was a cop he said this, he said look, every time there’s an argument. And I’m walking into the argument.

There’s already one, idiot there.

Don’t be an idiot, and bring your own argument in

to my friend Mike’s always says when you’re dealing with people, check your ego at the door.

Mommy.

Okay, I’m going to tell you guys a secret. Ready for you want to know how I get away with murder University.

By the way,

for those that are not English speakers or second language learners that’s an idiom, I have not killed

anyone.

Okay.

Who wants to be the angry.

I’ll take a man

about Eric Sanchez, ready to be the anchor student. Why don’t you just turn on your microphone and come off as the anchor.

Okay. Well,

then let’s find somebody who gets easily angry.

All the men are smiling. Okay, ladies.

Anybody who wants to be really angry I’ll show you how I do it.

You don’t get to know the secret if you don’t play

anyone.

Okay, Carlos could be angry. God. Okay. So you’re angry about something. Were you angry. So come at me be angry.

I’m really annoyed that that his classes are so damn long, especially

for something that he does, they should really shout at the boys and girls. Should you guys. Come on, let’s let’s get some let’s bring the heat.

Some real break. Oh my god.

Okay, so now you listen, you got Haley he got his Susan are both egging you want, but they’re not engaged.

I can’t believe this.

As soon as for me to heat

as who’s got to see

the last yesterday that have to do with anything, a file mad about not mad about anything that’s with the University. I’m not in charge of the football team.

You got to bring me University

pressure was so low a few minutes ago now you’re all quiet.

Have a

great professor.

Okay, good luck in your class man, you told me you know I expected an A on my paper, and I gotta be

kidding. Oh that’s that’s free University and that you really want to get our media angry with this. You know one inch from my face that angry. Yeah.

Bring it. Come on. So I expected I expected an AI got to be. I followed all the rules on the rubric, and I see here that you said you want big bold cap words I did that you said you want to structure this specific way I did that, and that’s those are beyond the paper.

Boy, I really hear your frustration. That’s just incredible. I’m really guy I feel, I feel it from here. You know what Haruki, I really want you to get the most out of your education. Why don’t we put our heads together and try to figure out, because I can see that you’re staying. And the only reason why you’re staying The only reason why we fight is Watson. If you want to get the most out of this don’t. I do. I cannot wait women murder like this. No way and I mean think about it when you walk in my office. There’s no place for me to back up is that I’ve actually seen some people in other offices roll their chairs back when students get angry it’s like no, come on in here let’s talk about. I hear you’re angry.

You see the thing is is that, Papa. Papa,

see the same thing.

That Brianna is sharing with Victoria, share with you. Okay. How about now. I give you guys some of the history and the philosophy behind all of this stuff ready. Okay, first thing that we’re going to talk about is talking about if a guy named Martin, Uber be up. Now what I want you to do is I want you to draw a line down the center of your paper on a black let’s say 10 rows so you can have about 10 things on the side. Now, Martin Buber was a German Jewish theologian, he wrote a very interesting book called The, I thou. And if you want to read about this book don’t go out buy the book, read the Wikipedia write up because it is almost perfect. I read the book. It’s very interesting, but it was almost exactly like the Wikipedia write up. So, here is what Uber said, Uber said, life is encountered. That’s our, that’s what we do in life is we encounter things we encounter other people, and we engage in the world. But he said there’s two types of encounters. Okay, there’s one side. That is one side is that there’s one side that’s the left side. Okay. That left side, I want you to write i dash it. Now let me give you some examples of an, I get relationship.

Okay.

Surely you walk into a room and you encounter, another person. And you see that person as an object to be used. So that’s your encounter object to be. That’s, I it relationship.

Now what do we do with

an object to be used. Well, one thing we can do and there’s three things for the next line. Okay, for the next line coming across, you can collect them. You can classify them. And you can theorize about them. Oh, waiters are

only in it for the money.

And they’re just generally sloppy. So we’re going to classify them in levels of sloppiness. We’ll call it a couple of bad waiters over here and a couple of good waiters over here. Now notice even the word waiter. It’s like I’ve already classified you I’ve given you a definition, you are a waiter.

Seriously.

This is a coffee cup

coffee cup with feelings.

Except if I classify you. How do you feel. Imagine rating somebody on their GPA. Suppose, just for grins okay by this other a three is you have a GPA of 3.50. I would say that would be pretty good summer. You have a GPA of 3.49.

Well, I guess you suck.

You see what I’m talking about. That’s classification. Let me give you another chance for the next line quantities and qualities, guys. For those of you who are in the physical fitness How many of you have always got like, man. If I could just benchpress 300 pounds. I’ll be okay. And only benchpress 299. So you’re not okay, or ladies, you know, if I can just get into this pair of pants. I’ll be this way.

You see, qualities and quantities.

Here’s another

next line space and time. How do you judge a pizza delivery place, finally got it here in 25 minutes that’s five minutes faster than the other one. That’s time.

What about space.

Well that’s a nice size.

It’s bigger than the one that I have at home. When it holds 10 by 12. But this one is 12 by 16.

I can put a hammock up

time and space for the

use notice that there is a distance between, I get. Now, how many of you have had. Remember when you used to go to the university and actually professors, remember those days. You know that there were some professors it’s like a

lie. That’s a steal, Steve.

I’m so far above that and if I have a PhD. I don’t even know what good associates are. You see how all of a sudden that Professor puts himself up here, and throws your way down to the bottom, there’s a distance. How about this. When you’re just looking up at the person and you go, oh my gosh.

I wish I could be smart like cardi B.

I know you might read better. Who knows, but that distance is built up. This is a product orientation.

A product orientation.

Okay, let me pick on the guys.

Guys, you know you always have that one friend that kind of friend that you’re kind of ashamed of. And there’ll always be one woman that will say to this guy. Hey, hey, my eyes are up here. Ah, Xavier you know that guy, right. What’s he doing

what they doing. Yeah.

My eyes are up here.

Not paying

racing paying attention to their body, their body. They have become an object

to him

. And that’s what I want to tell you about that is a product oriented patient.

You’re only good for me because you can prove to us.

Wow.

You ever had, you know, her style says there’s three kinds of friends. Two of them are the kind that you don’t want the one that a friendship that’s based on utility. Hey, so why would you care to wash my car. You’ll be my friend. So why don’t you do what I want to be friends with the minute you stop doing what I want you to stop being my friend. The other way that Aristotle says is really crappy is this one. Mario. Do you have any friends that want to hang out with you because you’re funny. A couple. But the minute you stop being funny here you get serious about something they kind of look away and it’s like I’m not gonna go out, have fun. Yeah, those are things. That’s also the product orientation. Okay, let’s go on to the other side, right side. This is, I thou. Now, we don’t have that we don’t use thou.

But thou is a

familiar.

And

we actually use it

with people that were very very close.

So I would not refer to as thou that I would refer you know my, my wife are very very close races in Spanish that was supposed to stand. So

here’s the thing.

What was the first one that I told you about that an object is there to be used, or check this out. in I thou. When you meet. Both are transformed. So that’s important. When the two meet. Both are transformed. As a matter of fact, you don’t use the other person, you participate with them.

And whatever your friends would come over and they’d be really excited to be out on the playground and I got this cool thing. Let’s. One of us like to play. That’s the attitude that we have when we are participating with the other person. Let’s play.

Okay.

Did we talk about collect classify and theorize on one side. Imagine this. Imagine that. I encountered a person in his or her entire.

What this app

covers entire person.

It’s all one package. Now, I used to love being at the university because walking between the buildings. You don’t see this if you go to downtown LA you never seen this. If you go a lot of places like business places you’ll never see this where you see this between every building. Sometimes you’ll even see it three or four times in the hall in the same building, you’ll see two people looking at each other, going like, oh my god. I know I have to go to Calculus right now but I just can’t take my eyes off the whole world just exist.

You’re seeing those people.

The rest of the world has stopped existing, they’re the only two people that are in there in the hall. There’s no space and there’s no time. That’s the next piece. I was once on a date for 11 hours. Yes, we went out to dinner at seven o’clock. And five o’clock in the morning we suddenly realized that we were still talking and we had to go to work, time has stopped. You think about the times you’re having so much fun. And you suddenly look up and you realize oh my god. I’ve got to wake up two hours ago to work that happens. That right there is when you’re in the middle of an i thou relationship. There’s no distance between you and the person that you’re encountering. Now this is called a process orientation. Not a product orientation, but a process orientation.

It’s always competitive.

But an i thou relationship is cooperativity we’re working with each other. And I it relationship is contracted tight.

And I thou relationship

relaxed and expanse.

Now I will tell you

we have a secret word for the I doubt you guys already know. Most

often in our culture

we refer to that is

no, I’m not saying that if relationship is bad. Right now you’re watching me on a computer screen. Correct. A computer screen was made with science was made with engineering, science and engineering has classes. Location quantities quantities space time distance. Look, we need to have I it personally I want in my car, okay, I press a button, the car starts.

We need I hit relationships

to be able to build things, but relating to each other. We really need the I thou relationship. Now here’s the clincher, okay. And you put this down at the bottom, you know,

alienation

when we’re with other people feel totally separated. feel totally alienation. That disconnection fundamentally stems from only using an

eye in relationship.

I it relationship. Now, here’s the deal. I cannot create an i thou relationship I can’t will tie that will happen. What I can do is I can remain open to it

and I can allow it

you cannot force I that

you can force I get that we do it all the time. The power only takes this one finger to open my car, this one finger just start my car. But this one finger will that help me love someone. It will not help me relate

at a deep level to another person.

So that was Martin.

The next guy that I’ll teach you about? Is Hillel. Okay, we’re talking about reporting lol is spelled h LL the guy who taught me this was was Jewish. So he taught to me this way. If he had been Taoist, he probably would have taught me something, he would have taught me the same thing. You just did it a different way, but it’s still the same thing. So let me tell you what Shawn taught me. Okay, now, back in this time is probably about, what 3000 years ago or something like that. Or 2000 I can’t remember. I wasn’t there at the time. But there were these two teachers. One guy was known as Hillel, h i ll, and the other one was known as szalai. Now Shemitah means the ruler. And Shemitah was one of these guys that everything was measured down to the law, everything else. If you didn’t add up,

show up right here.

Well, what’s known as the heart.

So here we have these two competing schools. Now, this pagan comes up to Hillel and he’s been listening

to him

explain things. And he says to him, he says, okay, Master, I will follow you. If you can explain the whole of your teaching, while standing on one. Now, if any of you have tried to stand on one foot, you’re kind of wondering like how long this is going to take?

I mean, seriously,

could you read the whole Constitution of the United States standing on one foot?

But here’s the thing.

This is what Hillel

came up with and I want you to write it down exactly as I say it. Better get it this way because you bring it up on the turn exam. Any other I will automatically fail, you’ll get 50%. So, here is what Hillel said

that which you hate

that which you hate,

to not do to your fellow

that would hate to not do

you standing on one foot he says that and then he goes, that is the whole of it. The rest is just commentary.

So go and study the comedy.

Now, you guys have heard this

before,

which may not have heard it that which find hateful. Do not Do

anybody want to tell me how they heard it?

I can say it. I think

it’s like the golden rule like, do not do unto others as you would do unto yourself or something.

Yeah, but you’ve got it right right now, there’s another one.

That’s what I was thinking

a lot. But right now you’re on your way to win a on a midterm, so don’t worry about that. Anybody heard it said a different way. Okay, we’ll do an experiment. Elizabeth stood by him.

Okay. Do you have enough money right now?

I’m not struggling.

Well, could you use more? Is there anything you really can’t afford right now?

Yeah,

yeah. Okay. So, how much wood would you need?

I don’t have anything specific in mind, but

what would $100 help?

Sure, yeah.

Okay. $100 sounds really good. Okay, now, would you like somebody else to give you $100?

Yeah,

okay, Vika Are you there?

Yes. Okay. You got people to give you money, right? That’d be ideal. That would be ideal. Okay, why don’t we start with you given this divine $100? Are

you ready to do that?

Well, I mean, you guys notice these kind of hesitating right here, but do unto others.

I mean, seriously,

Haley is Yoshida Amy Lai. They want to give you $100 fine to go ahead and give Elizabeth on. Well, you can kind of say you’re paying it forward. Yeah, well go ahead and do it. It’s kind of hard to be the first person to do it if that’s that’s what I’m trying to say is see this is where it falls frickin apart. Yeah, it’s really nice if everybody gives me money but shit, I gotta give you money on that. so sure about that now.

Elizabeth, let’s stay with you.

Do you drive a car and you park the car? places? If, if if you’re waiting for somebody to back out, okay, and the person backs out and another car whips in and parks there.

How do you feel?

You’d be pretty bad because you’ve been waiting in line right? Yeah. Okay, so you don’t cut the line because you don’t want others to cut the line, right? That’s what I’m trying to talk about. That’s the thing that I’ve got to see if it’s distasteful to you, then don’t do it to other people.

One of the marks of a really good person who can really do report because I don’t separate myself, Southern and

Patricia

, I don’t separate myself from YouTube. You are like me, you have a car you like to park to, especially after you’ve been waiting five minutes for somebody to get off the damn phone to back up. See what I’m saying. So make sure you know this that’s hillels gold. So now Let’s go to Gandhi. You’re ready for this. I saw this bumper sticker one time and I thought it was fantastic. It said, Be the change you want to see and had a little picture of God.

I looked it up. And he never said that.

That’s a load of crap.

But I found out what Gandhi said and it was even better. Listen to what Gandhi said.

If we can change ourselves,

the tendencies in the world will also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world

change toward him.

We need not wait to see what others do.

Now, let me read that again, because it’s a little bit long. If we could change ourselves,

the tendencies of The world

as a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change.

What does this

I would say like unless you’re willing to be open with others, you shouldn’t be expecting others to be overweight. So therefore, like you can’t really like makes any sort of connection.

Absolutely.

Write this down. It’s really good to say

if it is to be,

it’s up to me

.

If it is to be, it’s up to me.

And who was it that went to the grocery store?

Did the open hands and smile

and got people to smile back at.

You see, it’s up to me open.

it’s up to me
to understand

about poetry.

So this is from her phibes Persian poet soup, for that matter. 1315 to 13 913 90. We

didn’t have

electricity or computers back then. He was in a static

poem. The name of this poem is called with that language, and you can look it up. Now I was exposed to this poem in a book called tattoos on the heart by Greg Boyle. He’s a mayor of Los Angeles.

And that’s a that’s a takeover.

That’s a book that I’ve read that I read probably four times you

When we’re done with a course I’m going to give you a list of books that are

kind of like the ones that are always gone back to

because you’re sort of on the journey with me.

But here’s how it is with that.

Admit some

everyone you see you say to them,

love me.

Of course do not do this out loud otherwise someone would call

the cops. Still, though Think about this, this great pole in us to connect. Why not become the one Who lives with a full room? shy? That it’s always saying with that sweet wound language. What every other eye in this world is die. Do it again.

admit something. Everyone you see you say to them, love me. Of course you do not do this out by otherwise someone would call the cops still go Think about this, this great hole in us to connect. Why not become the one

who lives with a full moon in each eye.

That is always saying that sweet

Language

what every other eye in this world

is dying to hear

what

is every other I tie?

I think that what they’re trying to say is that everyone is looking for like some sort of like acceptance or love in this specific

thing. So why don’t we say acceptance love? Those are the ones you game. Yeah, that’s what I said yes. Okay. Now this was kind of on my own okay.

So what else don’t be shy

I think

my interpretation is that since all of us, deep inside us we want to say look Love me love us. Um, I guess nobody wants to so you yourself with that type of person but again can accept and say those words

that like

to share something with you guys,

you know the big

you know the Big Bang Theory. I’m not talking about the I’m not talking about the show but you know the idea of the big bang theory that all matter was compressed until it could be compressed any more than that exploded. Have you heard this? Raise your hand if you’ve heard this because I’m getting nothing here. Okay.

All matter was created in the big bank. Last

time I checked I was made out of matter.

Eric Sanchez, you’re made out of matter.

Haley, you’re made out of matter.

What was that matter originally when it began to be compressed.

Take a guess. As

to see,

have pieces of the Divine

in us. We

are stars.

The thing is, is that we feel separated from everyone else. And that’s why report is critical. Because when we are in relation, when we are in rapport,

the light

is brighter.

That’s the purpose of report whenever

you have any kind of relationship that

starts falling apart,

go back to report.

The poet’s habit. Can you believe this and the College of Business Bob freezes reading new poetry

from a mystic. Wow.

How about that? You want to talk about your about your quiz that you’re going to have?

When does it open up?

77

tonight, okay, you’ll see it. It’s known as a communication styles. We’re

gonna have 50 questions.

There multiple choice. You’re going to have 40 minutes to do it. Okay, if you get kicked off, I means that you can get back in. You cannot back track. Okay, can’t backtrack, you got to think of as the job is going to be to identify the communication style that is happening.

Let me tell

you need to

know that stuff cold.

You need to know cold because you

don’t have that much time.

It’s fully randomized. The questions are randomized answers themselves are randomized for every question that goes by quickly.

Somebody was freaking out.

Like multiple choice questions I don’t like. It’s like

there’s a piece of me that says it really doesn’t matter what I took the GR four times

to get into my Ph. D program.

Was I any smarter the fourth time? No, my score was higher. But it wasn’t any. There wasn’t any smarter. You learn by these things. This is not a measure, but a learning experience. What I am more concerned with is your essay.

Now, how many of you have read

the peak on your essay?

It’s their

documents file. Do you want to see a Do you want a peek

at your essay?

No one has read it. Holy smokes.

You can find hacks for every damn video gaming. defined by going to Google and they’re free tells you there’s the way into your into your midterm essay. nobody reads. Okay, this is what I want to tell you. This is a different way of approaching.

All of you have a closet.

Yes.

You have clothes that hang on a rod.

Yes. The clothes are ordered in such a way. Yes. This is a rod and what I’m going to see is how to hang things up.

I want something original when it comes to

don’t think of this in a very linear,

true and false kind of question.

Okay, please go.

The quiz is a trap.

The essay to me is more important. It’s also waiting along Would you like to Like me to give you an example of a previous essay?

Yes, please.

Okay, so here it is. It’s an old Zen teaching story.

So here’s the story.

A university professor went to a Zen master he traveled very far to the top of the mountain with a Zen master with to learn about Zen. Zen master welcomed him into his room, he sat Zen master began.

University Professor began to expound on everything

about Zen. As the masking continue to not prepare the candidate, the university professor a cup.

University Professor continued to expound

on everything you do about zen, and the master began to fill the cup and a master continued to fill

the cup until the

cup ran over onto the floor. And all over the professor’s hand in the Professor said stop stop. Can you not see that the company’s full says to grass Zed must empty.

How does that story

define consultative selling?

You got to know this stuff.

That essay will

cover everything that you know

about communication styles, everything we know about rapport, everything we know about

listening,

some of the things that you know about body so called body language. That is what you’re going to build the rest of the class on the tablet based on Joel start Thinking about stuff now.

This is

for how many of you raise your hands?

And you tell me

, is this the most nonlinear class that you’ve ever had? Okay, so

I got a couple of you

that are saying this is stranger now. It is. But believe me, I know where I’m going. And the people that are reflecting on this stuff on a day in day out basis doing their homework,

and the field reports.

Those are the ones that are going to excel.

Everyone gets a great, but you will all be transformed. Some of you will be transformed totally. Some of you will be transformed a little bit. Some of you may get it by the end of the semester. Some of you may get it in a year. Doesn’t matter to me. I’m here to help you guys. I want you to think about how Today and every class, what is it that I say

before that?

Thank you. I love you. I love you.

Whatever What else

have a good day. Be kind, be safe.

Don’t strangle the people that you live

with. They’re trying not to

strangle you.

We’re all in

this together and that’s one of the blessings of COVID-19.

Love you guys. Okay? This is a fun class.

bringing me the goal.

I want to start telling You folks that email the stuff that you think about. I haven’t done it yet in this class, but I’ve done it in my other classes.

Okay, show me love Okay

See you later

9/16

Longer than everybody else. Generally that’s going to

stick with. Okay. This is one of the things we’re going to talk about about report. So let’s talk about the field reports. How was the smile collected? What

like how did how did it work for you follow

calm, I went out with just one more time to target and like everyone has their masks on and their facial and everything but sort of when you when you’re making the first gesture, like a lot of people seem to like, it’s hard when a lot of people seem to be shy and they don’t want to make the first move. But when you’re showing them that you’re like, you have an open body posture and like I kind of smile with my eyes. So like, see that? Like might be really small to major but like, it helps like I think it’s really It’s really nice for them to see that everyone that I smile to, like every single person to smile don’t return.

Or, you know, I’m going to take exception with the parts is my eyes are really small because they’re Asian. It’s not the size of the eye that does it is the amount of fee and the eye doesn’t know what I’m saying. It’s the energy that’s coming from the eye. If you look at a baby, a baby has a ton of energy and their eyes are evil. Now, what we are looking at, especially when we’re going in someplace like Target is we’re looking at people that are not focused on relating to other people. They’re focused on getting what they want. But when we approached with an open body, like really being that smile at them, the energy comes from the eyes. Not so much from the mouth. Nicely done. Who else?

I had a similar experience when I went to Target. So I was kind of body posture. Like my first turnout. I was smiling.

Actually, like I

was walking by and they actually started a conversation.

Okay, so what I wanted to share with you, Miriam and I share this with the other classes. If you want to be left alone. Close your body posture, tilt your head down, and then draw your eyebrows together like have a headache that’s pretty damn close. People will not even

Interesting

when you’re saying keeping your body function close, there’s like these workers that are outside of my, like working on something outside. And they’re like all guys and they kind of like book, you know to say like that which is really weird and annoying, but like when I pass by them I like, look down and like, just go where I’m going and I like don’t make eye contact at all. And I like, you know, just go straight to my car.

Okay, they’re guys and they’re working on something out there and they see what happens.

They like to scare and they might talk and they like, Oh, hi. Like, I don’t want to talk to you. Like Don’t look at me.

Okay, so their body posture is open. They’re wanting to engage. You’re like going like, not a chance in hell. I’d rather be the raccoon right? Okay, so what you do is you close and you look away.

It’s not hard

if one guy was really good looking and your type of guy and he was like, Hey, hi, you might hide back right? Maybe really taking this? I like this. By the way, the talking about the quiz class average in this class was exactly where you need to be about 75% 74.6. Some was dead on Ritalin. It’s been happy about that. And I think that the reason why you guys have done so well is because conversion, the other classes now learning what they have taught you guys for some reason or bias. So let’s go ahead today. And now, you guys know a lot of stuff. Let’s redefine. And the reason why I’m asking you to redefine it is because one day final month, you’re going to be a leader. But you’re not going to be a bob for breezy. Viola Whoo. And you’re going to lead your way. So we have to have the words that fit for us. Now, some words Gabriel, that I give you may not fit. But the word that Julia gives you are the word that her room use is there redefinition of rapport may fit better for you. So I want you to think about this, that we’re all looking at the same diamond. But we’re all looking at different facets. And your facet is just as important as mine. So I’m going to open it up Let’s redefine rapport. What are we?

What is it?

I feel like it’s like a way of communicating and like presenting yourself in with Intel with like your body language, not your body language but like with your body and how you

present yourself again okay? It’s It’s It’s It’s communication with the body. Did I did I say that about right? Okay good. I hope everybody’s writing this stuff down. Okay, thank you Haley. Let’s Let’s hear somebody else.

I feel like a lot of it is like mirroring the other person as well like mirroring the energy moving their like presence. Like sort of talking in the style like they are if you can

lobby us this question or route because a mirror is an interesting word. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

myself? Really?

Yes. I don’t think you see yourself. By the way, ah, reflection. There’s the word. By the way you know that you’ve never seen your teeth unless somebody smacked you and you’ve got to actually spit one out. You’ve never seen your teeth. The only thing you’ve seen is a reflection of very nice teeth they are, but you’ve never seen them. Just like you have no idea what your nose is. Like.

Maybe Maybe not mirroring but like matching energy, like type of style, which

could be I like the word matching also. I’m looking mostly right now at the verbs that you guys are using. So I like matching and reflecting very good. Communicating like Haley said, What else? beacon? Yeah, you could kind of chalk rapport up to understanding and relating to the person. Okay, now I am not sure if it was in this class or it was in the advanced class. But we were talking about understanding. This was on Monday. And the person said, understand, and I said, let’s look at the same. So write the same down and put it in a box off to the side. It is better to understand, then to be understood. It is better to understand than to be understood. Exactly. Are you writing notes or staring at something on the screen? Because it’s not me. Now, in the other class, I said, What’s the difference between understanding and being understood? And the

students said,

if

I’m being understood, they are receiving what I’m giving them. If I’m trying to make them understand, I’m kind of like, loading stuff on top of them. And I said, Well, look at the word. I, David, let’s let’s you and me play. Okay. All right. Okay. I understand you Where do I stand? under me, under you. So David is up above me and he’s handy. everything that’s going on in David’s world. And the other class, somebody said, Oh, yeah, that’s like walking a mile in their shoes and said, Yeah, that’ll work too.

But you see, it’s not an understanding here.

For example, it’s not an understanding that two plus two equals five. It’s not the understanding that means that I’ve got to turn back around like this when I’m backing up to look out the rear window to make sure I’m not running over anybody. That’s not the kind of understanding that we’re talking about. It’s the understanding that we have here.

Like you guys say, I feel Yeah.

Our first time I heard that first thought I was oh no Title Nine. It’s like, No, no, no, no, no, I feel you. Okay.

What other things can we say about rapport

We’re gonna say kind

of like, it’s kind of like building up familiarity between two people. So

let me let me stop you. You used a great word.

familiar.

familiar? What is the root of that word?

family? How do we feel when we’re with family moraine? We feel safe.

We feel safe, you feel connected. Even if our family is a bunch of jerks. It’s like if I say something bad about the get rid of all the good handles are coming to find me. Right? See where I’m going with this one for all and all for wine. So you guys have got some different ideas right now about rapport. You want to take it to a different level. Let’s watch this video. Yo, okay, now this video, we’re going to watch it three times. Take as many notes as you can the first time around on this video. Because this video even though it’s a cartoon, and it appears to be very simple, it isn’t incredibly, incredibly deep. So, let me go ahead and do the screen share. Oh, by the way, I got to thank the other class. They taught me some things about screen share that I didn’t know. Apparently, there’s two buttons that allow me to share the screen audio that I didn’t know about. So here we go.

It left.

That stop right there okay.

So what is empathy? And why is it very different than sympathy? empathy, fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection, empathy. It’s very interesting. Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions, very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy, perspective, taking the ability to take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspective as their truth, staying out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. Recognizing emotion and other people and then communicating that empathy is feeling with people. And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space. When someone’s kind of in a deep hole, and they shout out from the bottom and they say, I’m stuck. It’s dark and overwhelmed. And then We look and we say, Hey, come on down. I know it was like down here. And you’re not alone. Sympathy is, oh,

it’s bad.

No sandwich.

If it is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice, because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. rarely, if ever does an empathic response begin with at least I had it. Yeah. And we do it all the time. Because you know what, someone just shared something with us. It’s incredibly painful. And we’re trying to silver lining it. And I think that’s a verb, but I’m using it as one. We’re trying to put the silver lining around it so I had a miscarriage. At least you know

you can get pregnant.

I think my marriage is falling apart. At least Have a marriage. John’s getting kicked out of school. At least Sarah is an A student. But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations, is we try to make things better. If I share something with you, that’s very difficult. I’d rather you say,

I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m just so glad you told me.

Because the truth is, rarely can a response, make something better. What makes something better is connection.

Very, very simple. cartoon. Very, very deep. So let’s talk about what we saw

or the act. In this cartoon

there was a bear and a fox. And then I don’t know the last one was an antelope. Okay. Okay, so now we’ve been to the zoo. We’ve seen enough things on animal planet. What do we know about antonyms? there at the bottom there at the bottom of the food chain their prey, okay? And their defense is just like running in running away and scattering. Okay, now let’s take a look at the fox. What do we normally if I was to say, a fox and I was talking to kindergarteners and first graders or second graders, what would be some of the attributes about a fox that we would know from cartoons and stories? I would think like sneaky sneaky, okay. Anything else? Say that again, David. I think he’s a conniving, but I said sly, sly good

when we say that a fox would be rather smart.

Okay. Now what are some of the attributes of bear?

They’re very maternal when it comes to like,

the offspring. Their maternal. Okay, their protective good summer.

I just can’t say they’re very strong like, I know like when my family that goes camping and they say like they would never want to run into like an angry bear or a bear. Pretty much anything.

They’re very they’re very strong and they’re very powerful. Let me ask you this question when you were a little kid. Did you have a teddy antelope? No

Did anybody have a teddy Fox?

About a teddy bear?

I’m getting some nodding now. Okay, a teddy bear. Okay, so bears to a certain extent our our Huggy. Okay, let’s go back. And now what I want you to do before. Hold on for a second, close this off.

I want you to watch this and

imagine that you can’t speak English or it’s a silent cartoon, Tom and Jerry. Okay. See what is going on. Look at this visually, and hear the story visually. Okay, let’s get on here.

Okay.

So this, the woman whose voice you hear her name is Renee Brown. So think of the word Renee but put a bee in front of it. And Brown is like brown. She’s a researcher at the University of Houston. She’s got a couple of TED Talks out there. She’s pretty well known, written a bunch of books too. But here she is, and she’s talking about the difference between empathy and sympathy. And she says that empathy, drives connection. Empathy drives connection. So today, I’m bringing this to you in the section that we’re talking about. When we’re talking about rapport, and she quotes Teresa right, Wiseman, nursing scholar and here are four qualities of empathy. May sure that you have these down, okay? perspective taking, which means that what I hear you talk about your perspective, I know that this is your truth.

Number two,

staying out of judgment.

I like this because

if we think about judgment judgment means that I have to separate myself from you. I’m either going to put myself above you, and I’m going to look down on you. Or the other kind of judgment is to say, Oh, you’re so much better than me. So I put you up there. One of the things that you like about me is I’ve asked you to this. Yeah, call me Professor because that’s part of the deal, but I’m not really that smart.

You guys know a lot of stuff and we’re learning together.

I’m not judgmental about where my learning comes from some of the stuff that I’ve learned I’ve learned from kindergarteners. The third thing is recognizing emotion and other people. Now, here’s the difficulty that people that are on Asperger spectrum have, and people that have that are autistic, is they cannot recognize the emotion in people. It’s difficult for them, they have to be trained to see it. They know how to respond after a while, but that little piece in them, they’re just different. And the third, the fourth thing is you have to be able to communicate the emotion coming back. Now, do I have anybody in the class right now that they identify As

a feeler,

anybody, okay, Eric, let’s take you for a second. Okay. Eric Sanchez. If if you’re coming, let’s let’s play together. So go ahead and take your mic off. Let’s say you’re coming to me, and you’re coming to me with a really big problem. Maybe you’re gonna get kicked out of your place and you don’t know where you’re going to live something really major. And I’m just like this. I wouldn’t want to talk to you that, like, you’re kind of closed off and you understand what I’m actually going through. Now, if I was talking to you like, Eric, this is a serious problem. You don’t exactly know where you’re going to live.

I would think that you’d be very scared right now.

Okay. You see, I have to be able to reflect the emotion back to Eric. I have to be able to communicate the emotion back. Now. Something happened to the fox in the beginning had little cloud over his head or her head. And it was raining and then what happened?

Some I didn’t catch that. The mayor came in and approached him. But yeah, the bear came in and approach it but then what happened to the fox? there to the does the sad face. Is that face a little about his pocket? Yeah. But what happened to the fox? Something happened to the fox. The Fox falls down. The Fox fell down. But you listen to this Falling down means that I knew that there was a place to fall you know like I was up high. But what actually happened to the fox? in the in the cracks? The Earth opened up and you fell down. Imagine how many of you right now we’re on the second story of your house. I Am Legend what would happen if all of a sudden the floor opened up

if the bottom fell out of your world

serious thing when we meet most people in the gut a push back on us. It’s because the bottom is falling out of their world. But now, Bernie Brown said here’s a fox falls down and she says the entered a sacred place.

What does that mean?

Word sacred.

When I hear that I’m thinking like it’s a safe like confined area. It’s safe and confined a sacred place. Okay, good. Anybody else? Let’s keep going. Doing great. I think sacred means like special. Special. And so how is the sacred place special for you data? So, if I had to say your place, it would be a special place because it’s somewhere that I only go I guess it has a lot of meanings me sacred. Okay, so it has a place of meaning for you. Yeah, it’s very close to Julia Any ideas?

It’s a place that I would go statement. It’s a place

that you would feel safe. Okay, so now you fallen into this sacred place and it pitch black.

And it’s over whelming.

So there you are Foxy person. And you say, Hey, I’m stuck. It’s dark. And I’m over. Well,

how many of you might be frightened?

Yeah, that’s human condition right there. Let’s go back to a time when we were kids, okay? We couldn’t communicate the feelings that were inside us. They tell you the story about going to Barnes and Noble the other day, and the family and Barnes and Noble. And do that. Okay, so that was in the advanced class. So here’s the deal. I went to Barnes and Noble. I was looking for some magazines and there was a family there. There was a woman and two children. And I heard a little kid squat. And I heard that take the kid, and I’m looking at the magazines, there’s mom with two girls and their school aged kid. Like a pre k kid, they’re looking at the magazines and moms relating to them really well, and she’s really well behaved. So I, I said, you know, you really did a really good job working with your kids. You know, nobody ever hears that. But I used to teach kindergarten and I know, really relating well and said, Thank you. And I said, No, they never came with manuals, and you filled it out really well. And, and by the way, make sure you tell your husband because they never get to hear. And about that time dad came around the corner, and I said, Oh, I’m Bob for breezy. I was just telling your wife What a wonderful job you guys have done with your kids and he’s holding the toddler, a little boy. And this boy, the poor little guy is just exhausted. Think about how you feel At 530 in the morning when you haven’t been sleep that’s how exhausted this little two and a half year old is. And I’m talking to the dad and the kid looks at me with these eyes that say like, are you going to eff with me? And I looked at him and I said, and you’ve been a really good boy, you’re so tired right now. I really want to go to sleep. And you know what he did? He did this.

And then he hooked onto his dad.

That’s how overwhelming we are. So when we’re dealing with people, whatever, whatever to do is stop thinking that they’re in college. Stop thinking that they’re smart. Stop thinking all of this stuff. Just try to imagine them as little kid like, Amy. What were you like when you were three?

I don’t know.

But I can imagine that when you get overwhelmed, your capacity is about that of a three year old. It doesn’t make any difference that you know you’re 22 or something like that. And and vacant when your world is falling apart to not much different than a three and a half or a four year old, it sits still slags. I mean, how many times when you had a flat see somebody with a flat tire on the side of the highway, they go up, and they keep the tire. Like that’s going to help but that’s just the same anger

that we had his little kids.

But now the bear does something interesting. When the fox falls into that sacred space, what does the bear do? goes down with the fox goes down the foxes level goes down to the foxes level and is a really cool thing says, I know what it’s like down here. And you’re not alone. I mean, think about the times that your world is falling apart. I can tell you from my experience and where my world is falling apart, I feel like I’m the only us person in the world. How about you, Vanessa? When your rules in the shitter?

How are you?

Vanessa negus Are you there?

Yes, I get anxiety a lot. You get

anxiety a lot and you feel alienated from everybody else and nobody understands. This is this is normal. This is this is the human way.

But now

the antelope appears

I want to I want to go back and now I just want to watch the interaction with the antelope and I want you to correct try to put yourself in the space of the fox with the world totally falling apart and then see what the antelopes responses.

Yes, I decided to point something out from the video before you move on to

another thing that I noticed was that the bear actually turned the light on so wasn’t completely dark anymore. Slowly like I thought of that. Like it was like a like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because a lot of times we can’t find the light ourselves. And consider for a moment isn’t our biggest fear, the fear of the dark? What’s the first thing you do when you come in the house at night? It’s pitch black, you know where everything is. You turn on

the light

Let’s go back and watch the video a

couple of questions. Have you ever known anybody who’s

had a miscarriage? or lost a baby?

Will a sandwich help?

Not really. It’s dead. It’s devastating. But why does the antelope offer a sandwich?

Because the first thing that they saw that in handwriting

they had it in their hand. Okay. But when I was

sorry, go ahead. When I was watching the video like towards the end, the lady said something like, we already been during the video she kind of say like we want to make things better. So I think like, even if you can’t relate to someone, or you can do anything, like you just want to make them feel better, because like, they’re human, and you’re human, you don’t want them to like, feel bad. So you want to make them feel better. But you do that by kind of invalidating their feelings of what they’re upset about, because you just want them to be like, oh, get past it and past it. Like Don’t worry about it, even though like they need that time to grieve on it.

Thank you so much. That was beautifully put so beautifully. I don’t have anything to say. But here’s the deal.

You invalidate their feelings.

Does anybody has anybody had to have put their dog down? That’s a tough thing to do, right? a sandwich is not going to solve it. And then somebody says to you, oh, well, you can get another dog. It’s not the same. But why do they say shit like that?

No way to understand you. So they’re just trying to find

maybe they don’t know any better. Okay, I’ll I’ll buy that. But I think that there’s a deeper reason. I think that they’re not truly trying to understand what they’re going through. Why do you think, Peter that they’re that they don’t truly understand? Well, in a video like this as an example, like the bear goes down to the same level, and the antelope doesn’t, so they’re like, not trying to level with them. Could we say, Peter, that the person doesn’t want to get their feelings involved in

your loss?

Yeah. Okay. That’s the deal right there. People are afraid of their own feelings. Okay, we’re going to do we’re going to Do a little thing that we did in the other class. Okay? I want you to take a piece of paper, one on your paper. I want you to draw a circle. Okay?

See, here’s my

Okay, that would be me. Correct. Now, I’m going to draw another circle.

But watch how I do this.

That’s you.

What do we what does this look like?

It looks like a Venn diagram. Yeah. Okay, so what I want to draw your attention to is this right here.

This

shape is called the vesica Pisces. sees vesica Pisces later on you could Google that is a bunch of stuff that goes in there. Yes, it’s a mathematical, it’s mystical. Other psychological stuff that goes into it. But this right here is the sacred space. This sacred space exists. Because if I’m, if I’m suffering, you come into my sphere. This is the sacred place. Let me draw another picture.

And you tell me

what you see now?

Absolutely, they’re disconnected. And here’s the word that comes with this alien. naisha

alienation

in this one, what we have

to this is important stuff.

Now the analog doesn’t feel comfortable with the analog feelings. So analog comes up with ideas like, at least

you can get pregnant.

But what was the eye rolling thing about when at least you have a marriage?

So I really think about

Who’s your person? Carla?

Okay, Riley Come on, we want a

very, very

it was kind of like

explain it but in my head I kind of read it as like the antelope kind of thinking or like, you know,

you can have it worse or people do have it worse than you so that you shouldn’t

feel as bad as you do.

What you’re describing right now Riley seems really dismissive. My heart’s breaking.

And you’re telling you’re rolling your eyes at me.

It’s like, Oh, that’s not a problem. God, you think it’s a problem?

How many of you when you were growing up, heard this, because you cry now. I’ll give you something to cry about.

And if you’re Hispanic that childlike comes out. It’s this

Get that separation.

Now at the end, something happened.

What happened at the end?

Let’s watch the rest of that.

Tell me what happened.

And you’ve never heard this before. Okay? as a salesperson, you don’t have any solutions.

You want to piss somebody off. Ladies, and you get this all the time.

You tell me.

Julia, how often does a man tell you how to do?

A man is just like any male figure like the man.

Okay, um Probably every day, every day, how do you feel about that?

Usually a negative association.

Oh, in other words, you’re highly pissed off. Yeah. Ah, but so you want to chime in on this one?

I’m not sure. Like, I mean, I guess I get

annoyed. Like when they just get annoyed.

How do you feel now?

About this big, you know what I’m saying?

But how about this?

Patricia

if I was to stay with you, and let you talk it through until you figured out what you wanted to do to solve the problem. How would you feel

I think personally, I would like that because whenever I’m going through something, I just need someone to hear me out before I, like, do something impulsive, like, think. think things through and get someone’s input.

And you want somebody to be with you while you’re thinking it out. Yeah. Okay. You see what I’m trying to tell you guys. There’s no such thing as solution selling. The client has the solution within the clients brain. Be psychological enough to open up a space that the client can talk about it safely and reach the solution.

By the way, Patricia

How do you feel about a person who would sit by you try to figure it out and then stayed with you. Until you get

your hands on the situation I think I would appreciate it because then I’d have someone with me along the way instead of being alone.

Okay, listen to the word that Patricia just use pre she ate. That means that that person is worthy has worth is a value.

We want to be valuable to people.

So I’m messing around and this word came to me what is empathy? And I was thinking and empathy and sympathy. Has anybody ever used Google translate to translate something? Yes. Does it work? Really, really? Well? No, no, it does. If you take the word sympathy, and you do Google Translate in Spanish, you get seen by Dr. Or you might get seen by the if you look up simpatico, which we took from Spanish and put into English, it has different meaning. It has different meanings in Spanish for that, for that matter, it means that the person is has yellow feeling. Guess what the English definition was? Dude, I’m gonna sound so gnarly like a surfer. We’re on the same wavelength man. The second definition was kind of genio. What the hell does confini only write this word down? Co Ed Shi e in IACONNI al convenient. Divide the word in half, one side you got con and the other side you have genial con means with

this with the route of genius is

genius.

Now, important question here. I’m not talking about genius. Like

Albert Einstein. Oh he was a genius

when we’re thinking about that

teller intellect, logic, the application of logic to a problem. That’s this.

She knows

she needs

to wait

and allow it. Does that sound like something that we’ve talked about before?

genius is created

look at the question look at the quote by William Burroughs.

Your mind will answer most questions

lacks the

big

the question sure that I have worked with a customer, are you willing to wait on them?

We’re always waiting. I’m attending.

Now let’s talk about field reports. I want you guys to go out and continue with the smile collection business. But here’s the thing. I want you to have the experience of being able to do this and realize that you’re working on a body level. But the name of the game in the end winds up being Can you empathize with the person

get on the wavelength with them.

What came up in the other class was this? Where are my thinkers in this class? Raise your hands next to your head, your fingers, okay? And where are the feelers? Raise your hands.

Okay, so here’s the deal.

If you have a family member that’s very close to you, and that family member dies and you were very attached to them. Is there a difference between a feeler and I think I

get this. They both experience profound, profound

grief

falling straight down into the hole straight to the center of the year. As long as it’s black as pitch down, but their approach or the approach that I have to use with a feeler, I have to have my heart open. And I have to commiserate and I have to vibrate exactly back to them as a feeler anything less feels to the feeler like I’m not really there and I don’t care

where my feelers again, raise your hand.

Okay. Hey Soos and Teresa, as soon as you stay with me here, look. Okay, your heart’s breaking. And I’m like this

How do you feel?

blocked your GCC shut me off. Teresa. Where are you with that?

So the same way it’s so funny because the actually related to that The other day we’re playing like a poker game. And my brother and my boyfriend both said like a dumb little combat and it got me so upset and I was like I had an attitude the rest of it I and then like later my reference like why are you so mad? I was like, well, you’re being mean to me. You don’t care about the way that I played the game. You read all this stuff? He’s like, What are you talking about? It’s just the game. And yeah, so I completely

okay sinkers Where are you raise your hand.

Okay, so here’s the thing.

And I’m just here like this.

I make up content.

How do you feel Maryam and Vanessa

kind of cut off so I couldn’t hear you. I’m making it

And I’m just just here I’m within myself. You’re the one who’s grieving. And I’ve got I could have

been NASA.

I don’t really like

making eye contact with

soft eyes. Not a lot. Just some as opposed to this. Oh, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that your heart died. Oh my gosh, you must be looking at her. She’s just like, oh shit. Now I got to take care of your ass to look at look at this as face it’s like oh, please don’t do that to me again.

I guess when you were

kind of blank faced.

I want to know why. I guess

attitude, but When the motion started I was like, Oh, that’s too much.

You know Yes, I’m grieving

we’re trying to understand and

I’ll understand you as well true and what we do also have is we also have differences in culture with people that I grew up with Hyman Gina cloudy about dental boy everything with them is drama, drama drama.

Okay, but

Gina was an intuitive

but they’re Hispanic so there was a lot

not so much.

Some other I mean, if they’d been Swedish I never would have done that. Even a Swedish feeler looks like a Mexican What? intuitive

saying so

here’s the thing.

I want you to be able to connect.

If you can connect with people in stayed with them during the process, they will buy from you. Now, I want to start getting you ready for your essay exam is your essay

9/21

I believe I remember talking. Be careful, be careful with the word belief, because believe me,

Claremont School of Theology. I may or may not be wrong but I

wait a minute, I think. No you’re not thinking, or Polytechnic, you’re paid. No,

I’m not picking on you senior. I’m just trying to tell everybody this whole thing, need to know this stuff. I’m not looking for opinion. And I’m not looking for what I am trying to show you guys is how I think, so you guys can start grabbing all of these different pieces, and making say that Karla version

sales for the, Kevin Morris version.

So, look through your notes Peter I’ll come back to where else did we talk about,

about

a previous lecture.

That is also

very good Carla because there is there is a link between empathy and love putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, feeling. Very good. What else, there are other places where we actually said l o v.

Okay. Where else.

I mentioned before.

Okay, very good. What specifically in rapport.

You are correct.

If anybody wants to chime in and help them Don’t be shy. Oh, no, no.

I’m not, I’m not making you wrong, we’re having fun with this because it’s going to be the topic of today’s big lecture, thinking, believing. So, I’m cool with this. Go ahead.

It was mentioned during the

last speaker silly card with the eyebrow

eyebrow would be.

It’s, it’s long. There’s no time. There’s no split there’s no up and down. How many of you guys have been in love once Raise your hands if you’ve been in love. I’m the only person. Y’all are scaring the crap out of me right now. Okay, is crazy, isn’t it. You don’t know what’s up or down sunrises in the West cents in the south. There’s no time. Yeah. Okay, any place else where we mentioned.

I give you the notions for a reason kids.

What I remember

from it, or I have this quote that I have written down

here. Perhaps reassuring to the safety of someone.

Yeah. Yes. Beautiful. That would totally slip by me. Well done. Seek, we learn together. You know most of the stories that we know from being a little kids. It was from hearing the story again and again. Correct. People think anything is changed now this because you can shave. No. Okay, any place else. Well,

Kimberly this Mom, are you raising your hand.

No, I wasn’t. Okay, just waving away something. okay.

I think we also talked about

when or when would it be careful you think I’m sorry.

I mean,

when we just went out, I think, just when we talked about report. We discussed like how they report occurs, and when we went like to the biology that we’re talking about, pretend mammalian brain, and how it operates. And, like the, it operates beneath the level of consciousness and it’s like, no, like, I think the love Rios, I’m not hundred. Sure, but I think we also talked about love, in that, in that content. So it also curious there either.

There is or there is not. Well, you know,

what are most songs about. I love you, or I hate.

There you go. Good.

Any quotations off those quotations sheets. Come on guys, you guys. You guys had higher scores than the other class, I’m still wanting you guys to really get this stuff.

What about you.

So from

my perspective I feel like it was kind of a little bit of everything and like the communication skills because in order to properly communicate with somebody, you have to in order for them to feel like encouraged, they also have to build a sort of like law firm you

want to hear another cool one, because he was one of my favorite words.

Courage.

You know what that word means. The root of that word. Her heart in French. That means to speak your truth from the depths of your heart

and encourage means to give you some of the passion of my heart. And for yours to say, you can do it. Don’t go to the waterboy. It’s already here and half of you guys.

Okay. Who wants to go to the second.

How about you.

Oh,

you got to be really, it’s like only having mascara on one eye, it doesn’t work. Okay, Julia.

I can’t hear you

know, The second one of listening.

Oh, sorry.

I told you guys print this stuff out on paper. I’ll read it. No, I’m not gonna have you read it I’m gonna have summer herring read it.

Okay, so let me come back. Who was it was that you Peter that was going to talk.

That is

okay so let me ask you this.

What the hell is waiting.

I would say, Be patient. Okay, go by that.

Anybody here work in food service.

Okay. Angel and Carla What do you guys do,

is to say, the worst but

this. Oh yeah, this must be awesome.

Okay, there’s my chat okay okay so I’m working in a sushi place. And what do you do in the sushi place. I think a cashier and also the waiter. Okay. Oh, wait a minute.

You wait.

That goes so clever.

Listen.

Listen.

The opposite of talking is waiting.

You wait.

Anybody else want to hear anything interesting in what I’m saying right now.

What does a server do.

Karla Go ahead.

That we listen to orders, you listen to orders and that’s part of your job. Because you can’t you can’t dispatch. If you’re not listening. Now I had an I had somebody else down there. toward the bottom of the screen, because I knew

where, where you

speak, speak loudly because I don’t see you anywhere. They’re like the the middleman or the middle person between the customer and the chef.

So they kind of can

bring, they take the order, and then they bring

food to the customer.

So, how do they know what the customer wants.

All they ask them then the customer

response. They have to listen to the customer. Right. Have you ever been in a restaurant where the after after the waiter or the waitress brought you food they stopped listening.

Never. Every time in your entire life that you’ve been in a restaurant you ordered everything and it came perfectly from. I want to eat where you eat. Are you talking about getting the order perfectly right, or you need something else because you dropped your fork on the floor.

And then they forget about it, because they’re not what

they’re not waiting on you.

And what do you go Where the hell is my.

Waiter.

Very nice

talking to somebody and they’re not listening to

thinking about how they’re going to respond. You’re experienced that. Yes, irritating isn’t there. Mario’s who are like, Oh hell yeah. Exactly. Because, what are you occupied doing. Yeah, you’re wasting my time a word, you know, if, if you’re not thinking about what I’m talking about, you thinking about what you’re responding to. Are you waiting on me.

No you’re not. you’re having a conversation in your own head.

Yes, a group of yourself, okay. Half the time you know where most of the problem is in your own head. Make sure you have a head, touch your head, just to make sure that it’s still connected to your body. Yeah, that’s where most of the problem is, my brother loves to argue, he’s, he never listens he’s just looking argue.

So who did he get saddled with my nephew.

Who wants people to listen.

Like this funny that way. Okay so, today, a little bit of theory before we get into application. Because I don’t believe

that we should

not know where we’re going, I want you to write this name down.

David Bowie.

Eoh David Bowie. Now, by the way she was right down the street from my son died a few years back, but he was at the Claremont Colleges he was a theoretical physicist, and he did a he did a bunch of really cool physics stuff, but toward the end of his career he started working with people. And some of the stuff about physics is kind of interesting. By the way, if you see the drawing of an atom, it’s got the little proton in the middle, a couple photons in the middle and those electrons spinning around.

Because nobody knows we’re in electronics.

an idea

that I have to tell you this, you,

Kevin varous are weird.

And so are you Lorraine and Ryan and me. Because there’s stuff going on in our heads that we don’t really know about. So let me go and let’s talk about David bone for a second he writes this book called, excuse me, a treatise it’s not even a book it’s called on dialogue on dialogue and you can find it on the internet. I’ve read it. It’s pretty good. But look at the Torah dialogue di ALOG Ue dialogue, if we were going to divide that word, divide.

Come on, participants

between what

between dire, and lots of die is like, to and log, like crazy a lot It’s like when you record record.

Yeah. Okay, so here’s the thing. I thought the exact same thing.

I know what dialogue is I speak three languages, three and a half like

I was wrong.

Get this log or logos, I got that part right. That means, meaning.

But, Gaia, does not mean true

Gaia means through,

through, meaning. So

David avina. You and I are having a dialogue. Okay, we’re talking we’re talking back and forth. And what bone says is, this is not a ping pong match. I hit the ball it goes to you and then what do you do

fall back on.

Yeah, it’s not that at all. says that’s too simplistic. Remember, he’s a theoretical physicist. So he says this picture, a stream of a stream that goes among us. Okay, so let’s include, Elizabeth, the pioneer in our conversation. Okay. The three of us are having a dial. But there’s a stream of meaning that goes, among us. stream of meaning that goes through us. I mean goes in one side of me, comes out the other.

And then a stream of reading that goes for us. So you might have a meeting.

All of this is going on.

Now, here’s the thing.

This shared

is the glue that holds society together,

shared.

Now, a couple things. First off, dialogue is not about analyzing stuff. Okay, no one else’s dialogue is not about arguing, because it’s not about argument. And it’s not an exchange of opinions. Instead, suspend every opinion. Just hold it up. Now, Julia chop off. Thank you. Raise your two cup. Okay, you got a beverage. Yeah. What is it, water. Okay, David Vina wants to get in on this, who’s holding up his mind is a tasty beverage.

It’s very tasty.

It’s the best beverage in the world. It’s so bitter,

it leaves your mouth dry.

All of these are assumptions, what assumptions do you make about your wife.

At its height.

Okay, what else

.

Okay, what else

doesn’t have much flavor.

Okay.

Does it come from a great mountain spring is an alkaline water. Is it been touched by fairies. Okay. But you see what i’m saying is that all of these things are opinions and assumptions.

Do you know where your driver’s license is right now.

Yes,

you’re absolutely sure.

Yes, we’re

in the drawer. Okay, that’s an assumption,

open, open the drawer. Okay.

It should be. That’s an assumption.

Okay. You see, we’re talking about associates, by the way, is that a valid ID.

Yes, it is.

Unfortunately it’s not enough at my bank.

See, these are all assumptions. I’m going to give you a horrible assumption that happened to me the other day, I went all the way over to

went to buy sheets, that’s what I did. Over at home goods. I reached into my wallet to get my credit card, and there was a blank space where my, my driver’s license. I fully

fall out. That I remember the lease.

So I made a quick call my assumption was right. These are assumption. Now here’s the thing about an assumption. This goes for everyone. Your assumption is your truth. I have right now, a friend who says, all republicans are bad, they’re evil. I have another friend who says, all democrats are dumb. These are all assumptions.

How

republicans are evil,

as opposed to.

I’m not quite sure what Republicans,

Democrats are the stupidest people in the world.

I’m not quite sure what democrats are.

What, what was I just demonstrating with my hands.

I forgot the top of me but you were doing like the opening close thing you were telling us to do within our field reports.

Exactly Emily, exactly the point.

If we can look at everything that is said as an assumption. Then we can reach a truth, that is between us, among us and through us

go back to that little drawing of the atom.

The assumption is is that that electron is right on that course right there that it’s right there. It could be anyplace else.

But when we get to subatomic level time changes. And what I’m trying to tell you guys is this. Everyone’s assumption is correct. But everyone’s assumption is wrong. How many times have we got a we’ve seen people get into arguments because they take that assumption and they say, this is the truth, with a capital T. I want you to look up bomb. and look at that stuff, and understand that we have some big, big problems because of what we do.

Now, let’s have lunch I have a video.

And I want you to write down this name because I’m going to provide you with a link. I want you guys to look it up on YouTube. The guy’s name is Ernesto su Rowley s AR, O, LL Hi. We’re going to watch this video. And this guy is funny, but he is so serious all it’s like, wow, okay so let me get on to the screen share. I gotta.

Click these buttons.

Everything I do, and everything I do professionally. My life has been shaped by seven years of work as a young man in Africa. From 1971 to 1977. I look young but I’m not. I worked in Zambia Kenya Ivory Coast, Nigeria, Somalia, in projects of technical cooperation with African countries I work for an Italian NGO, and every single project that we set up in Africa failed.

And I was destroyed.

I felt at age 21 that we Kenyans were good people. And we were doing good work in Africa. Instead, everything we touched. We killed. Our first project, the one that inspired my first book ripples from this amazing was a project where we Italians decided to teach Zambian people how to grow food. So we arrived there with Italian seeds in southern Zambia, in this absolutely magnificent Valley going down to the Zambezi River, and we taught the local people how to grow Italian tomatoes and zucchini and of course the local people had absolutely no interest in doing that so we pay them to come and work and sometimes they would show up. And we were amazed that the local people in such fertile valley would not have any of the culture. And, but instead of asking them how come they were not growing anything. We simply said thank God we here just in the nick of time to save the dumb young people from starvation. And, of course, everything in Africa group beautifully and we had this magnificent tomatoes in in Italy a tomato will grow to this size in Zambia, to this size. And we could not believe and we were telling the time gets Look how easy agriculture is when the tomatoes were nice and ripe and red overnight some 200 hippos came out from the river and they ate everything we say to the zombie, like the hippos said yes, that’s why we have no agriculture here. Why didn’t you tell us. You never asked. I thought was only as Italians blundering around Africa, but then I saw what the Americans were doing what the English were doing what the French were doing. And after seeing what they were doing, I became quite proud of our project in Zambia, because you see at least we fed the hippos.

You should see the rubbish.

You should see the rubbish that we have bestowed on unsuspecting African people you want to read the book, read dead aid by the Zambian woman economist. The book was published in 2009. We Western donor country have given the African continent. $2. trillion American in the last 50 years. I’m not going to tell you the damage that the money is done. Just go and read her book, read, read it from an African woman, the damage that we have done. We Western people are imperialist colonialist missionaries. And there are only two ways we deal with people. We are the patronize them, or we are paternalistic. The two words come from the Latin root tartar, which means father, but they mean two different things. But then allistic I treat anybody from a different culture, as if they were my children. I love you so much. patronizing I treat everybody from another culture, as if they were my servant. That’s why the white people in Africa are called Bwana, boss. I was given a slap in the face, reading a book, small is beautiful, written by Schumacher, who said, above all, in economic development, if people do not wish to be helped. Leave them alone. This should be the first principle of aid. The first principle of aid is respect this morning. The gentleman who opened this conference, they stick on the floor and say, Can we can you imagine a city that is not neocolonial. I decided when I was 27 years old, to only respond to people. And I invented the systems, called enterprise facilitation. where you never initiate anything. You never motivate anybody, but you become a servant of the local passion, the servant of local people who have a dream to become a better person.

If we are patronizing or paternalistic.

Consider boober

was my mic on this whole time.

No, was just on now.

The question was, that patronizing

patronizing and paternalistic. And I said, consider boober. Martin.

Okay.

Come on guys, we need to have some discussion over here.

As soon as.

Yes. Where are we right now, we’re talking about Uber. We just finished watching the lesson. Yeah I know, but the question is, What does that have to do with Uber. Are you looking at notes that you’ve got on the computer, no are you looking at notes on paper. Okay, because this is the thing is is if you’re not taking notes on paper, you’re really shorting yourself.

Okay, Haley.

So it kind of relates to the familial relationships with like our dogs.

But, right. Yes, that is correct. Now why does it not. It does it is it paternalistic, and patronizing is that an i thou relationship or an I. It relationship.

Let me be patronizing to you. You know what I was saying about you know undergraduates, you could lead them to knowledge but you can’t make them think. How am I being right now I’m being what you’re like classifying, all I’m being sarcastic as hell. Right. Okay, so what side is that on.

It’s on the eye, it

correct very good I wasn’t picking on you because I don’t go that way. You all listen. You all were perfect when you were born. Okay. Believe me, a lot of you were a lot smarter, or a lot smarter than me. But here’s the thing that I want you to consider for a second. There’s a distance, isn’t there. If I’m patronizing I’m up here and you’re down there. Don’t you just hate it when your parents are being paternalistic. Oh I love you so much and you’re not going to be able to make the right decision. You hate that too. Right. Okay. What about this idea of respect. He said, If people don’t want help. Leave them alone.

Right, it’s like those people over there on the, on their own ultraviolence. Like we want to we want to go help them want to, like, show them my ways but I mean they’re doing well without us. I mean they’re still alive, they’re still driving.

Okay, I’m with you on that history, let me ask you this question in a retail situation. And let’s say you’re at Best Buy and you’re looking at TVs.

What does that salesperson come and do

try to convince me to buy a TV.

And what do you say, I’m just,

I just don’t know. I don’t know all one.

Yeah,

I don’t know, I don’t know if I want a TV. I want to get a laptop out all over the place.

You’re all over the place. This clothing store.

You’re looking at shoes.

Hi. Can I help you. No, I’m

just looking. I really don’t want any help. I’m just looking because my mom’s over there looking at stuff and I don’t want to look at the stuff my mom is looking for but I drove her.

So what should a salesperson do at that point,

leave you alone, leave you alone.

Yeah. You know what one of the best responses in retail is Pope, thank you for telling me that his sous. If you need help. I’ll be right over here in that section. My name is Bob so please go ahead and call for me. And then you go like, Oh my gosh, a real human being. Okay so, sironen goes on with this thing that he says, I am only going to respond to people.

What comes before you respond,

listening,

listening and understanding, I want you to write this down it’s an acronym, put a box around it because it’s a really good one. Wha. Wait. Why am I talking as a salesperson. I as a leader I tried it, I’m really working hard to talk a lot less. It’s different when I’m lecturing, but a lot of times in committee meetings right now I’m just being quiet. I’m making eye contact with people. I’m present. I’m moving my head so they know that I’m not asleep. Because we’re doing everything on zoom smiling. I’m not saying because other people need that time, to be able to discuss things to make up their own mind.

I’m trying to get

starts with I, and ends with formation

information. Very good. Very good. So here he comes up with this idea of enterprise facilitation. Write that down enterprise facilitation. The root of the word facilitate is fossil, which means to make. My job is to make your life easier. As a leader. Imagine if your boss came in to you. Okay.

But so

imagine if your boss came into you and said, Okay, so, Vanessa.

What do you need to really get your job done well.

What would be your thought.

I guess if I’m not doing my job. Well then, more training.

Well, immediately you went into I’m being bad. Okay, because what we’re used to is we’re used to people coming in and going. But if I came in to you, you know, right out of my heart and I said, What can I do to make your life easier here so you could get more work done. Would you maybe come up with a better way of doing service. Yeah, that’s the point because I’m here to facilitate making you more was more or more. Exactly more at ease, more comfortable, so you can create what you need to create. But here’s the thing that seralini said, I write this down because this one’s important a servant of the local passion. That’s the word, a servant of the local passion. You know I’ve used this video for many years. And that’s the first time that I heard the word passion. Now, if I was going to speak to you. Metaphorically or poetically and I was the same passion and Savior, where does passion exist in your body.

In the heart.

Right here. Right in the center right in the core, your passion is what drives you.

Is that right,

whose passion is the most important passion,

not mine. But,

Xavier.

That’s it. My job is to help you develop your passion and think about the word passion. Passion is hot passion is fire passion is creation. But I’ve never heard this. I’ve never heard the word passionate it is.

Pow,

let’s listen to the rest of the talk. Okay.

So what do you do, you never motivate anybody. I decided, when I was 27 years old to only respond to people. And I invented the systems, called enterprise facilitation. Where you never initiate anything. You never motivate anybody, but you become a servant of the local passion, the servant of local people who have a dream to become a better person. So what you do. You shut up. You never arrive in a community with any ideas, and you sit with the local people. We don’t work from offices. We meet at the cafe. We meet at the top, we have zero infrastructure. And what we do, we become friends. And we find out what that person wants to do. The most important thing is passion. You can give somebody an idea, if that person doesn’t want to do it. What are you going to do the passion that the person has for their own growth is the most important thing, the passion that they men has for his own personal growth is the most important thing. And then we help them to go and find the knowledge, because nobody in the world can succeed alone. The person with the idea may not have the knowledge, but the knowledge is available. So here’s an years ago, I had this idea why don’t we for once. Instead of arriving in a community to tell people what to do. Why don’t four months, listen to them, but not in community meetings. Let me tell you a secret. There is a problem with community meetings, entrepreneurs, never come. And they never tell you, or they’re in a public meeting, what they want to do with their own money. What opportunity they have identified. So planning. As this blind spot, the smartest people in your community. You don’t even know because they don’t come to your public meetings. But we do we work one on one, and to work one on one you have to create a social infrastructure that doesn’t exist. You had to create a new profession, the profession is the family doctor of enterprise. The family doctor business who sits with you in your house at your kitchen table at a cafe and helps you find the resources to transform your passion into a way to make a living. I started this as a tryout in in Esperance in Western Australia I was doing PhD at the time, try to go away from this patronising, he that we arrive and tell you what to do. And so what we did in essence in that first year was to just walk the streets and in the, in, in three days I have my first client they they helped this first guy who was smoking fish from a garage will say Maori guy. And I helped him to sell to the restaurant in Perth to get organized and then the fishermen came to me to say you the guy will help me Sorry, can you help us and I help these five fishermen to work together and get this beautiful Cuellar, not to the cannery in our bunny for 60 cents a kilo. But we find the way to take the fish for sushi Japan for $15 a kilo and the farmers came to talk to me.

Wow. Look at the difference 60 cents compared to $15.

That’s a big difference.

You see I think seralini is probably one of the best sales people in the world. Because he comes at it this way he comes at it as the family doctor of enterprise. He’s more concerned about your passion for your growth. All he’ll do is help you find the knowledge.

Here’s the deal.

We can’t get there alone we need other people. That’s why we’re in leadership, that’s why we’re in sales. Now I want you to think about something. The name of that town in Australia is Esperance, and I want you to look it up on Wikipedia, and for that matter you could look up serravalle but here’s aspirins I’ll spell it for you. E s Pran c e, wherever the French speakers or any Spanish speakers in the room.

What does this word look like

aspirants.

Vanessa. Spencer is parents, which means

earliest, it means hope.

That’s our job.

We are the people that bring the hope, because we can listen. Consider for a second, these entrepreneurs don’t go to community meetings. Why,

because it almost.

Their mo Emily that’s exactly the reason. And also, if you go to a community meeting. Are you going to tell people what your dreams are, and how much money you’re trying to make.

No, never do that.

She will keep that hidden away, deep in our hearts. That’s our passion. By the way, do you think Sironi was very very lonely those three days, in the beginning before he was walking around aspirants.

He was lonely.

Three days walking the streets before he got a client.

The guys want to walk the streets for three days.

He was lonely. He did.

And one client. The Maori guy who was smoking fish. He was smoking a little bit he was selling it to a restaurant.

He passed him off to the tuna fishermen.

And that was one boat of tuna fish. Five Guys,

I like what Sahrawi says. Shut up. I want you to write this down someplace. Okay and put a box around

prescription.

Without diagnosis.

Equals malpractice

prescription. without diagnosis, equals mal practice.

Describe before you know what the hell is going on, you’re going to get. And that was what is thoroughly said, We’re the people that were patronizing, or paternalistic. Look at your last quote from today. Patricia bahria. Would you read that for us.

You cannot really listen to anyone and do anything else like receive.

Okay, now.

Is that true.

The truth of the matter is when we are listening from here, from the head, we often do that. How many times are you having a conversation in your own head while the other person’s stock. Oh, geez. I wish you get to the point. God every time she comes in here it’s like La la la la la la la. The point is, but what happens when we listen from here. When we listen from the center of our passion.

Can we do anything else. No.

I got a question viola, because you’ve been listening very intently.

What do you think of

today’s lesson in terms of listening.

Guys we covered a very very broad topic.

My

thing is about

from your heart. Okay.

Where do we make assumptions.

Well remember I can’t remember who it was that we were looking for.

The driver’s license was that up Julian.

Okay.

Where, Where do we assume things were right. But what part of our body, who is in charge of assumptions and theory in our brain, your brain. Exactly. Very good to your brain. I want you guys to listen from the heart. If you listen to the heart, it will encompass everything that’s inside the brain assumptions are the reason why we get into arguments. I think I know what you mean. Summer, you were kind enough to visit with me today. So I’ll pick on you. Okay. I’m a man. Okay. I have no idea what it’s like to be a woman.

No. Okay. I’m six foot one.

You’re a woman How tall are you I’m 5656. So that’s a whole what seven inches shorter than I have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, and also smaller than a man. Can I make assumptions. No.

You can make assumptions. Yes,

but can I feel. No. No. But if you, if you were to meet me. And I came very very close to you and you didn’t know me, could I see the fear in your eyes. Because of my size, and the fact that I’m a man. I have to be able to access my own fear. When I’m talking to summer, if summer is afraid. Summer has assumptions based on men, particularly big man.

Loud men.

Where did we talk about this before.

Talk about having assumptions

that just that we’ve talked about this whole thing about assumptions about truth.

When we were watching the video with empathize with the empathy and stuff.

Thank you, exactly the point. I have to feel with the client. Do you see how I’m talking about this as I’m lecturing and I’m making you go back and look at this. I need you, and I beg you, please look at all your notes, look at everything read everything that’s out there and look for the connections. When you go to do your essay, you only have 130 words.

You don’t have a lot of room.

You got to get this down.

Very very closely.

Okay, We’ve done, you guys have done incredibly well. Okay. I love you guys, I want you to be safe.

Go through the pages

that I gave you and I want you to write notes about questions that you have about the major project, because we will go over some of that on Wednesday, as we continue listening and pull down those note pages and start writing on them. Okay.

Be safe. Okay, bye bye. Thank you.

9/28

number one, physical noise. In the previous class, I have people I live on the second floor. And I’ve got people above me on the roof and they’re doing something I don’t know if they’re trying to perform an exorcism on an air conditioner or what but I mean, they were scraping and banging. Physical noise makes it very, very difficult to hear people in conversation. So that’s one of the reasons why listening and easy. The second reason, message overload. How many of you have more than one screen in front of you right now? I’ve got more than one screen in front of me. How many of you got your cell phone close by?

You’re trying to keep track of things.

A lot of times when I’m watching news, you know, there’s they’ve got that little banner running underneath with other news, we have message overload. There’s too much info coming at us. And a lot of times when we’re when people are talking, we just can’t get there. Okay, write these numbers down. 140 versus 600. That’s number three 140 versus 600. The highest, the rapidity of speech, high end rapidity is about 140 words a minute, that’s about as fast as most of us can speak. However, we can hear and understand

600 words a minute.

Your your brain can handle thought processes of 600 words a minute. So what does that mean? If I’m talking, and I’m talking at 140 words a minute, which would be about this fast all the time, that means that you have an excess capacity of 460 words a minute. Have you ever been listening to somebody and then all of a sudden, you go like by tomorrow’s Tuesday? Taco Tuesday? Holy smokes, I can go to Del Taco and I can get a bunch of tacos. Oh, that’s good.

I wonder what my mother is doing right now.

Have you ever had that? Where you just go someplace else? And some Paolo, you you had that experience because your friend is going? Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. And he’s like, he’s not connected.

Number four, psychological noise.

How many times you’re talking to somebody, somebody’s talking to you and you go, that person has bad breath. Holy smokes, I can’t believe she’s wearing that. She looks dumpy in that. Oh, no, no, no, you have one eyebrow, because you need to separate those things and thin them out. And that happens. Psychological noise we fill it in. Now.

This one is kind of strange. And it does fit with those of you who remember David bone. What was David Boehm? What What was the name of the article that he wrote? And what did it deal with? We talked about it last time.

Now see, what I’m talking about right now. is if you guys are not looking at your notes ahead of class and going through stuff, how can you interrelate?

You got to step this up.

I don’t remember the name of the article. But remember, we spoke about a common point there’s a conversation, there’s like a was a stream that goes between among us and between us. Everything or everything or all the way? Oh, I wrote everything. Our assumptions are his assumptions. Correct? alias very good. How many times have you made a faulty assumption? When you go Oh, yeah, I know what you’re talking about. And it turns out that you don’t know anything about it.

Then faulty assumptions. Okay. This is one of my favorites. I’ll raise my hand. I do this one. How many of you find talking a lot easier than listening? Yeah, it’s a lot easier. I don’t have to work so hard. Okay. Now, anybody got a family member who is

hard of hearing?

Grandpa, Grandma, dad. Haley, what do you have to do when you got somebody who’s hard of hearing?

To repeat myself? Like,

you have to repeat yourself like, times. Okay,

I get a little bit frustrated, which I shouldn’t because it’s my grandmother, but

I do. Okay. Good. Elizabeth Vanya?

Yes. With my grandfather. I usually have to

raise my voice lol and repeat as well.

Okay.

It’s the same thing with my dad. Okay, I have to talk to him like this, and really push my words and not talk to him from the room, but make sure that he’s facing me. So you have deafness to deal with? Okay, I’m going to shock you guys. Are you ready? How many how many of those do you have? of those reasons why listening? Ain’t ain’t easy.

Five, now.

Somebody speak?

Seven. What are they?

Look, I’m not talking for fun.

What are the seven reasons somebody repeated?

I have six of them.

Well, that’s nice, but they’re seven.

Okay, Elizabeth, let’s start with you. Look, I don’t know what’s happening. And I don’t know if you guys are lying down in bed or asleep? Or you know, maybe you’re you’re thinking of something else or playing World of Warcraft. But let’s get with the program here. Elizabeth. Do me number one.

Physical noise.

Physical noise. Okay, number two.

Yes, because no one else wrote anything down.

Message overload.

Okay, number three 140 verse 600.

Good. Number four.

is a psychological noise.

Good. Number five. faulty assumptions. Good. Number six.

I’m assuming it’s hard of hearing.

No, it’s talking is easier.

Ah, part of hearing is number seven.

I hope everybody wrote those down.

Okay.

Number one physical noise.

I am not responsible for the people that are doing the banging on my ceiling. I can’t do anything about that. A jet flies overhead. I can’t do anything about that. I am responsible for the last six things. So put a line down those and write down you’re responsible. That’s why listening is hard.

You guys are really worrying me. I don’t know what’s going on in this class. Usually this class is the one who’s really taken off and on fire in the other class. I’m trying to light them up. But you guys, I don’t know where you are today.

Listening ain’t easy.

Most of this is on you.

So now we’re going to take a look at four videos. And then I’m going to give you a charge of something that you’ve got to get done for Wednesday, because you are really really far behind right now and your understanding of this stuff. So now let me go ahead and I’m going to share my screen boom.

Here’s the first one.

Pay close attention. It’s very beautiful.

When I watch TV,

it’s just some shows that you just enter Putin. And, and when you explore, you get more imagination than you already had. And when you get more imagination, it makes you want to go deep or in so you can get more and see beautiful things like the path. If it’s a path that could mean clearly to a beach or something. And it could be beautiful.

Appreciate.

Is there another word within appreciate? Where does appreciate come from?

word precious.

Okay, other takeaways, very good.

What I also took away was that we, since we live in a civilization, we should be grateful for what we have because in the past it has never

been that way and millions of people don’t really experience that same thing.

Okay, let’s, let’s, let’s go ahead, I’m sorry for that. He says,

Let the blessing flow through you. And also let the gratefulness overflow

into like blessings into other people. Okay.

You gave a lot of very important words. Let’s work through the first word, gratitude

What does that mean?

To be like grateful for something?

Yeah. What does that mean? To be great?

Use another word or just

Yeah, go for it summer.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say it does remind me of appreciate like I think of the same thing.

Okay. But let’s do let’s get another word going very Good, Mary. I’m thankful. By the way how do we say thanks in Spanish

Grass yes same route

grace

We just receive it Because we We’re here.

We didn’t do Anything for it. We’re just here.

So now we’ve got a thank you. Gratitude class. Yes

One I really It was blessed. I think this is people. Have people be blessed by your smile your touch and your presence

and if you can contribute in different ways to like to

Let’s Let’s Karla you’ve given us a good word to bless something.

Okay, what does That me

a blessing.

Isn’t it something unexpected

Makes Colleagues serendipity Sir

Okay for those for those of you who speak Spanish

what is the priests give you?

Isn’t it Ben? Ben, the Shawn which means good speech. Good words. benediction. Benny means good diction speech, good speech. Now since you came up with benediction I’m going in the other class it didn’t which makes me happy

because Now I see that you guys are turning on your jets.

Good word.

What is next necessary to get Have a good word.

In front of me is a cup. Okay? coffee cup

Can I do a good word to the coffee cup?

There’s bad

Can I give a good word to the pen?

No Okay,

so your

Can I give Have a good word to you

too. Yes. So what is the difference between pen

and So you are

It’s because I’m a You know lumion praising person and Penny says to them It’s material

but your material to what’s different Between you and a pen

I’m a life.

That’s what Right and you can Because you are alive.

Listen.

I want you to write this word down. witness. later on tonight, go and look that word up And look that word up in some different languages. Spanish speakers You guys are going to have a bit of like a Holy crap, Batman. Okay, that’s good. So now we’re going to do a little experiment on a few minutes I’m going to ask you to close your eyes and turn inward. But I want you to think

of a moment

Where you were great Fall.

Where you We’re grateful Because Have some One and that’s someone’s actions and I want you to check the inside of your body.

I want you to check your sense Soria.

Okay, so close your eyes and remember that person

remember that moment

that we’re

grateful for.

Okay?

Who would like to share first?

Okay, so, last year, I was uh, I was talking with some friends and one of my friends parents that came up to me and he pulled me aside and then he just he said so and then he put $100 he just gave to and then and even given speaker income he just gave it to me and he just walked away. I was so like I was so shocked because like, I don’t I’ve never just gotten $100 like that, but and then I approached him I was like, what’s the sport and he said, just it just I just wanted to get into and and I just stopped speaking because I don’t want to. I don’t know. I feel like I need to say anything but I was hoping Because that was exactly what I needed to pay off my tuition for that semester. So I just felt so like relieved and something that that is a very, very touching story. When when he reached out and he put his hand in your hand and you put the money in your hand what did you feel? in your body. What was the sensations? If I go outside right now and I stand to the south of the building, I’m going to feel the heat from the sun and I’m going to feel the wind Those are the sensations in my body. I’m not wearing shoes. So I’m going to feel the dirt in the ground and it’s going to be dry those Going to be my sensations. What were the sensations in your body? Yes.

I voted really

warm for some of

you felt warm. Yeah, but like because I don’t know I felt a little nervous at the same time. Okay, let me ask you this. Did you feel a trembling look around pointing in my body? Did you feel trembling here just a little bit. A little Okay, let’s just stay with that. All the words in the world are not necessary. The feeling is what’s necessary. Thank you for sharing that. Who would like to go next? I can

go. Okay, go ahead, please. Um,

a couple years back, probably when I was 12, my family and I were visiting my brother in Mexico. And he lives like on a really steep hill. And he has he takes care of houses. So we live on the bottom house, like, towards the bottom of the hill. And we were going up to the one of like the owners house on the very top of the hill. So we’re driving up there. And his car is like an old buggy. So it’s, it’s really old. It’s not doesn’t really work. And I remember at one point, we’re almost at the very top but all of a sudden, the car started rolling, were rolling back. And I just remember feeling like really scared because my whole family was on there. But he was like, very common. He was like, no matter what he was trying to control the car and he wasn’t giving up. So I was really grateful for just him. staying calm, first and foremost, and not giving up

too. Some other words in here

because you saw things that’s that’s the outside. That’s the big shot. You know in the movies outside.

Where were you? What were you seeing?

I would say like First I just

was feeling scared.

Then

I knew that at the end of the day like I was with my family I was saved no matter what. Though I was very thankful for at least being with my family. And that moment in time,

did you feel some released in air of tension? Yeah, because before it was Like, it’s like, okay, you notice that I’m not giving a lot of words here. I’ve just shown new things because we use the words the words themselves are abstractions. The words themselves are

They’re symbols They’re not the thing itself.

Someone else okay.

A couple not a couple wasn’t like I think a month ago. My dad got into hospital care And he was in intensive care for I don’t know if day I think or maybe 12 hours or so. So and all this time I was sitting in the emergency room was like in the middle of pandemic and he didn’t my dad didn’t really speak any English and I was scared that he, you know, wouldn’t just explain rightly what he isn’t. I was terrified literally because it’s the first time I was in the hospital in United States. And after, I think I spent there at around like eight hours the whole night, and I came back, my doctor just said, send me home because they’re like, he’s gonna be here for a couple of weeks. And they gave me a call, like, once I gave, got that, and they were like, He’s fine. He’s stable. There’s nothing to worry about. And I just burst into tears. I was so grateful for them that they took care of him that they and but like, more importantly, I think at that moment that they let me know he’s okay. Because I was so terrified.

What did you what was the sensation that you felt here?

relief like

Okay, but relief is a word. I don’t go outside feel relief

is it’s like something was holding me very tightly and then suddenly released.

Okay, so you feel really a huge relaxation. Yeah. Okay. And while you felt alone and very, very scared because you’re the you’re the translator. I know this. How many of us With the translators for our parents, when we were growing up, there’s a lot of us we’re okay. We love our parents, and we’re scared and that’s One would care touches us very deeply. So, notice that I kept pointing here. Let me share with you something that you may not have heard. He said life giving water if You only open Your heart and dream

If you only open your heart Drink

Good

Well done. Well done.

You’re ready for another video.

This one’s cute. By the way, this one was shared with me by one of your fellow students. But now it’s become part of the deal. So let me get that on here and I’m going to hear

You look at everything else. You guys have had classes now, how long have we been in this? 12345? We’re in our sixth week right now. You guys have had everything about communication styles, you know all about rapport. You’ve had your last lesson and listening.

what’s the takeaway?

What I took away from that is that there’s usually a deeper meaning for some sort of miscommunication. So you should always try to look for the deeper meaning or whatever isn’t necessarily physically visible and try to find out what, what’s deeper. Okay, so let’s go back to I agree 100%. With what you’re saying, Let’s, let’s take a step back and go to some of the communication stuff that we did on Wednesday.

What were we talking about?

You guys draw some pictures.

Speaker in the listener, the speaker will deliver. Deliver why deliver content?

To the content, belief and mean? Okay, yeah. But is there math involved in that? Plus meaning equals reflection. Content plus, meaning no, no, no. Content plus.

Content plus feeling equals

what? Somebody Speak up, content plus, meaning content was feeling equals meaning. So what’s his name?

I think it was you, Peter. When you were talking about

Gower, Gopal das.

He says to go for the deeper meaning. So what is it that we want to know about the speaker? their point of view? Okay, but let’s keep this really simple. Let’s keep it kindergarden simple. But feeling was it. We said content plus feeling equals meaning. We’re looking at meaning how do we figure out meaning? Imagine that you were talking to somebody who was five years old little girl five years old.

Their words? What they’re saying? Yeah.

What What would you ask?

What do you mean? Or do you mean that would be a good one? Very good. I think trying to find their reasoning. You want to try and find their reasoning? Yeah. So if I told you that there were little green men under my chair right now.

That’s my meaning.

Would you be curious?

I’d say like, show me.

Okay, show me could be one. Now, you know, that there’s no such thing as little green men. Correct. I mean, you could be talking about like little arguments like Toy Story. Yeah. Could be.

Could you ask the question why?

The little green men under your chair.

Oh, they’re my little toy soldiers from Toy Story. So write this down. Why? Why? That’s what we’re trying to figure out all the time when we’re talking to people why? Now? You know how I like things that rhyme and kind of makes sense. Do you want to hear it from a sales standpoint? Yes called the why of the buy? the why of the buy? Look, I had a student. Previously, she bought a car. Her payment was $250. That’s what she negotiated when I when she told me about how she went through the whole process, process with a father and the car salesman. I said you realize you didn’t buy an Elantra? She goes, What do you mean says I said you bought a $250 car payment. If you couldn’t have gotten it for $250 you would have gone and gotten something else. That’s the why of the mind. That’s what we’re always looking for. Why is a person talking? Okay, two more videos. Else. By the way, how many of you have kind of figured out that for breezies? A little On the strange side I have PKI You could raise your hand you’re not going to hurt my feelings.

Okay, good. Now, let me explain to you

Why? Because I have been Doing this You guys Since the very first class, and you’re not picking up on it yet, which is kind of scary Enemy did the RV sign, say, takeaways?

Look I

okay, that’s that’s that’s the third one loci look and I, we did a lot of that. What was number two? That he said? Now Haley you you’ve got enough tickets to the Corvette raffle like some of the other.

I’m not sure. I think he said you learn plenty.

Now he did say you learn planning, which

gave me like a question like, why didn’t he tell him that the beginning?

Ah, well we’ll save that for a minute, Vanessa. But there’s two other things that Miyagi side was talking to Daniel Saad about not everything is as it seems always looking I

what’s the first rule of education?

I had you guys write this down. I told some of you go get the tattoo.

Pay attention.

He said, focus. You are not focusing. You’re looking at this. Like it’s Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. It’s not. That was the second thing that he said. The third thing that he said I say all the time. Come back tomorrow. Now Vanessa, glad that

you had a point, and it was a good one.

Go ahead.

So yeah, like why didn’t he? He told him that in the beginning, so he wouldn’t have been so frustrated. But I guess it’s it’s again that it’s something deeper.

Very good. Nope, that’s exactly the point. That’s exactly why I’m doing this. Don’t go to sleep on me. Okay, I got another one for you.

cry. I got to go the other way.

Like, the whole or I was kind of like thinking comparing to the first Karate Kid and that one, when in the second one I’m like talking to him he was saying like strong a lot. Like always be firm, strong, strong. So he was like, really implementing those views in him and he was, yeah.

Okay, strong firm. What else? matter?

Yes. was

when he said put a jacket on, and then take it off. It’s like, I didn’t. I felt like he wasn’t really talking about the jacket he was talking about. Always be ready. So like, always be ready to face to face the challenge. Never Never be, you know, had said like, never. Please,

never go never go to sleep.

Never go to sleep. Yeah.

Okay, good. Very good. So you’re Who else?

Can I go? Of course. So in the beginning, I think she said like, oh, like, come here, like, so I kind of took back I was like, you have to be present in order to get the full

experience. And

let me let me stop you write this down, everybody. You must be present to win. Thank you, Teresa. You must be present to win. That’s why he goes Focus, focus.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been teaching you wax on wax off. And most of you have been doing a shitty job of waxing. I’ve been teaching you jacket on jacket off. And most of you are going like, I can go to h&m and I can get a new one. You are not working at integrating all of this stuff. So here’s your challenge. I want it all integrated, because to a certain extent, on Wednesday, I want you to think that you’re going to have an oral exam. And your oral exam is going to be based on the work of did people I’m going to tell you a story. When I was eight years old, I got a book on karate. You know what I learned about that book on karate, how to get that shit kicked out of me. You learn karate from somebody else. You don’t learn karate from a book. And I’m trying to tell you you don’t learn how to handle people by reading a book. You learn from other people. I’m trying to take you to the next level. You guys, unfortunately are in COVID-19 and you’ve got to do this virtually. So that means you got to get up your ass off the couch and get to work. Because I can’t really get in your face your face about that big. Some of you it’s even smaller. Peter I don’t even know if you have face because all I see is a shadow. And he is the only part of your face I see is the hair and the top of the glasses. Some of you I see the whole face. We got to step this up. You got to be prepared. Carla. Yes. Everything is kung fu and you already showed us how to do. Okay. I love you. Now get to work. Go home. Don’t kill anyone. Okay. Because the people that you live with, they want to kill you. So be nice. I love you. Come back tomorrow.

9/30

Now, this course I’m going to teach you a little bit differently for you guys okay. Normally teach body language by showing somebody something, and then everybody imitates that stuff and does it. Okay, I need you to get down to the basics of body language, the basic is the person, the person is the message. The person is the message.

I told one of my, my advanced students, Sara kuben one time I said listen to people but don’t listen to their words, and boy she got bent. A good German student but she sat around for three lessons and then finally she raised her hands and I said, and she says, How can I do this, how can I listen to a person and not listen to the words and I should because it’s a paradox should think about this. You’re listening to a one and a half year old one and a half year old is pointing at this brown four legged beast with hooves out in a pasture and saying doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy. What is that child, doing doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy.

What’s going on.

He’s associating what he knows with what he doesn’t know,

get out of your head summer

into your heart, doggy, doggy.

by the way. Anybody got a dog.

How big is your dog. Show me with your hands.

Okay. How big is a frickin horse.

Most of you right

now are probably in your bedrooms, a horse would practically fill up that back wall, wouldn’t

you need a shovel to

clean up after

one and a half years old. I’ve never seen what a feast.

And I’m doggy, doggy, doggy what’s going on.

A child is making an assumption. Get out of your head, be three years old again.

We just want to say, you just want to, you know, go and take that force. I think it could be our just like petted, we don’t we don’t know yet, but what is the child experiencing, excitement, excitement,

Eric Sanchez, go ahead

and say that she said hello,

excitement, but what is. Okay, so here is the body language purpose, what is the what is, what is the child trying to do

wants to go play with the horse.

Could be. She’s holding on to your hand and screaming doggy, doggy, doggy and pulling on your hand and pointing

the baby wants you to look at it or the month, the baby wants you to look and and do what

acknowledge it, like, oh yeah doc you agree with him

agree that there’s something very strange over there.

What kind of dog, do you have in the US.

Currently sure he’s like he’s a pimple but he’s like,

Okay, hold on for a second, you seen the Budweiser Clydesdales. Yeah. Okay. pitbulls probably the size of one of those spotty dogs Dalmatians, yeah. Okay, now all of a sudden, one and a half year old Bob is yanking on your hand going

doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy looking up at you and

pulling on the hand.

What is the body language.

Stop thinking language. Come to hear in your heart be a little kid

happiness.

Happiness. I get happy when I see dogs

job but here’s a dog that is so much bigger.

Curiosity

curiosity,

probably scared me.

yanking on my arm and pointing.

I’ve got my hand down like this down down to my side holding the hand. You know, one and a half year old they’re not that tall, you can still hold their hand, jumping up

and down pointing yanking on my hand going doggy, doggy.

What am I listening to

the tone of their voice.

I just told you guys write something down and put a circle around it, see people as people. People is a ball.

You know,

I was looking at one of my colleagues, the other day and I and I said to her, Holly she shit, Elizabeth. That’s a huge spider coming down on your hair. And she’s like,

What am I doing.

I’m not listening to words, listening to people.

Go back to communication.

Active listening

first kind of following that we have is what following four starts with letter C,

showing you the interrelation.

Nobody has their notes, nobody has read their notes I’m trying to get you guys to pass your midterm exam or quiz whatever you want to call it. Do not wait, I’m busy integrating stuff for you guys now.

Is it curiosity. Nope. Borrow curiosity, wait a minute, Emily Are you talking about the little girl. are you talking about, reflecting.

I think I’m looking at

triage he his curiosity is pretty powerful. I would take that for the little girl right now.

Okay. But come on, the types of reflecting

and reflection of content

reflection of content is the first one. Somebody else

reflected affiliates

reflection of feelings so if you have content and you have feeling. What is that,

meaning, meaning you see

when the little kid is jumping up and down and pulling on your arm and pointing at that thing going doggy, doggy, doggy. It’s like the kid is saying, holy crap Dad What that what is that, do you see the thing that I know his dog. And what do you do as a grown up, go horse horse. You’re paying attention to people. And if you think that this is silly. I’m going to tell you guys, I use it all the time when you walk into my office. I never listened to what you’re saying. I listened to you. And you can come in ready to bust a gut and rip my head off. And I’ll just look at you and I’ll go. Kevin. I can really see how upset you are right now. But you’re not really so much worried about this grade are you. You’re really worried about trying to find a job after you graduate from college and Kevin oh look at me and Oh god. How the hell did you know it’s like because I’m looking at your body. Okay. Does everybody have a tasty beverage next to them, hold up your tasty beverage. Here’s mine in a cup. Okay, so I’m going to show you this not with my cup. But with this.

This is a bowl

that belonged to my mother. Okay, now it’s mine. What is the nature of a bowl. There’s my bowl.

Okay that’s its purpose, what is the nature of a bowl.

Because hold something you could do with your hand or your lips.

Say that again to contain.

That’s per that’s purpose. But what is the nature.

It just sits there.

Okay, I will agree, it does not have life of its own it’s not going to wander off. thank you bowl. Stay right there. What makes a bowl a bowl. What makes a cup of cup.

It’s like concave or isn’t the word. Okay,

that’s a good one concave concave means that it is hollow. Of course I could turn it this way and you could say that my bowl is now convex curved outward.

But see you’re using all those big ass college words.

Once you use big ass college words you simple words. What is the nature of a bowl. Somebody said shape.

You mean like cardi B,

or what. Come on. What’s the nature of a ball.

It’s not difficult.

Say that again.

So you’re.

It’s a curve like

okay yes it’s curved.

But what is the nature of a bowl.

This is how simple working with people is the nature of a bowl.

The ball helps me out. If I need something

okay that’s its usefulness. But what is the nature of the ball

to assist.

Okay, I’ll go with that do that but that’s not it. What is the nature of a bull. What makes a bola bola bola bola born in a copper. Copper copper. Copper cup. And then, let me let me give you another one. Look, here I have something similar. It’s called a jar, I’ve got some beads in it. Okay. The nature of this jar

is the same as this bowl.

There used to hold something, no matter what you label it.

That’s a use Yes, correct. But I like the idea that you’re using it as an abstraction, the nature of. Okay, I give you a mound of clay, everybody has a mound of clay. And I say to you, make a bowl. What is the nature of the bowl, you’re going to use your hands to make a bowl. How do you know you’ve got a bowl and then to indent it, you’re going to have an indentation. And by the way, summer, the fact that you have an indentation means that in the indentation is there clay.

There is.

Because if I have a piece of clay that solid,

with no indentation. There’s clay. But you put an indentation in there.

What is the nature of an indentation.

Who said that.

Thank you, Ellie Yes, it is hollow. The nature of a bowl is its emptiness.

Now,

here is the thing,

a bowl, a cup, a jar is empty. That is what you have to be as you put yourself in a position to work with other people. And you notice how crowded, your mind was with assumptions. I mean we work through two huge series of assumptions doggie and bold and you guys are all at this highfalutin thing. The thing is, the bowl itself is empty. And that is the power of the bowl. If you have a bowl and it’s filled with sand. Okay. Can you put a rock in there.

No, because it’s what. Well, full.

Okay, so here we go.

When you’re working with people.

Here’s my ball, I’ve emptied it. Okay, I’ve got some coins that I’ve collected old coins from before you were born. and I am now

putting them

in the ball, they’ve gone in the ball.

I’ll do it again.

This is the action that happens between, say her route has the coins, and I have the bullet

in the interaction. Her route takes

his coins and puts them in my bowl, a route has his own ball. My job is to take coins out of my ball and put them in her roots ball. The idea of the coin, we’re going to come back to later. But I want you to remember how difficult it was for you to grasp that a bowl is emptiness contained. And that is what people are what’s filled in here is a series of assumptions. So we’re going back to the idea of body language.

Sure I have my jar, I have a lid on it. Okay now, but this I have a cup. So, yesterday I had the real blessing of working with my sister in law to dance instructor, and she was telling me about a lesson that she had had just prior to me showing up. She had somebody who had never danced before and wanted to learn because his wife knew how to older man, and she’s working with him in the absolute most basic way possible to actually move and think about this. She’s in frame with him. She’s got one hand on him. And one hand here. And she’s getting him to move and feel. Toward the end of the lesson, all of a sudden, tears started running out of his eyes. And she said, It freaked me out. And here’s a woman who has incredible control over her body, who started her control.

What 20 years ago.

She didn’t understand this, so she said are you okay.

Okay, that’s, that’s fair enough.

And he said, No, I’m okay. I’ve never done anything for myself before. He’d always work he had always done for other people and now he was doing something for himself. But what was he experiencing. In, you Leo’s frame.

What do you think,

happiness. Yes. It came out as happiness he was crying because he was happy, but with her. He was in contact. That’s the word I want you to stick with contact

contact is physical.

Right now you are in a room that room has an electric light in it. Okay. It has connections. When you turn the switch. Okay, and the light comes on at that point you have contact

contact is physical.

I’m going to urge you right now reach out with your hand and contact the desk or contact the chair. It comes from touch, it’s physical now.

Anybody here love playing cards.

Okay. Emily. Do you know that the

four suits that we have, because we have, you have diamonds. We have hearts. We have spades and we have clubs that those were not the original four suits.

It did. I heard about that one

you heard that okay so here’s the thing. I always like spades, because they look kind of cool, but I was always thinking spade is a shovel spade originally was known as the sword. Okay. Now, diamonds anybody here like jewelry, like diamonds. Yeah, well, originally, that wasn’t a diamond it was known as

a crap

coin. It was a coin.

Okay,

to circle, but it

was worth money. So now they’ve changed to that. Now, I thought that the ugliest card in the world was the club, until I found out what it was and then it said oh no hell that’s the best one. The club was the ones. Anybody holding clubs got Dumbledore

kind of won.

But the heart. That one was most incredible powerful one. Because we look at the heart Now we look at a heart, but back then it used to be the cup. And I’m not talking about a coffee cup. I’m talking about a cup, like for a cup of wine, a goblet. And this is also the symbol of the heart. And you can see it in religious paintings. You have to come to people with an Open Cup. The person will transfer coins toward you, and you will transfer coins to the person.

That’s the thing about body language,

all words are abstractions, but the body is real. Have you ever been so excited that something happened to you and you look at somebody you know you just want something that you go no this can’t be true pinch me.

Why don’t we say that.

I’ll make sure it’s not an abstraction that I’m actually present. Now you remember that I told you that you could hear a difference in my voice right. I got to tell you about a time when I went shopping to a place that was kind of like a target was long ago before you were born. And let me say it this way. If I dropped an F bomb in class right now because I was pissed off at somebody you guys would go Holy smokes. Everybody would look right. Well that day when I was going through the checkout counter. I was the 1,000th customer in this brand new store and I won the biggest color TV that they had. guess what the first word out of my mouth was. But if you heard me from four aisles away. You knew that I wasn’t mad right. Of course I covered up my mouth afterwards my wife laughed like crazy. And she looked at the teller and said I can’t take him anywhere. That’s what we’re talking about. You got to get in here. I want you to get into your cup, when you are working with people.

How many of you have taken

consumer behavior. Anybody taking consumer behavior here. Okay. Have you heard this one that we decide emotionally, and then we justify logically. Yeah. Yep. Okay. How do I get away with murder. I mean not physically, by the way, second language learners that’s an idiom, I don’t kill people. I get away with all kinds of things in my office, because I never talk about what you’re talking about. I talk about what’s in your cup. And what’s in your cup is heartache. What’s in your cup is fear. What’s in your cup is joy. What’s in your cup is confusion. It’s not your words that carry the meaning it’s you. It’s your body. So person will come in, they’ll be bent because of some grade and in it, and expect me to push back and I’ll look at them and I’ll say, angel. Holy smokes you. You’re, you’re really upset you’re really worried about this. And they’ll look at me and go Yeah, but that’s really not what you’re worried about. You’re worried that you’re not going to be able to get a job when you graduate, and Angel looked at me like how the heck did you know. Well first off my cup is empty. I don’t have anything in my cup.

By the way,

if you have a cup of milk. Okay.

And you’re going to drink, say coke or beer coke or beer, something like that, do you wash the cup with soap and water before you pour the beer in. Yes, because you need to come to be absolutely clear and empty. That’s the way your heart has to be when you get in front of people. That is hard. This is the beginning of this section misnamed body language. If you want to see a great example of body language you can watch it tonight on Netflix. Okay. It’s a movie called. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood with Tom Hanks he plays Mr. Rogers. So children’s television host, and they used to have. Make a Wish Foundation for kids that were close to death. and he connects with a little three or four year old who is not making eye contact.

And who is just shut down.

When he’s able to connect with the kid

and see the kid’s heart and open up his own card, you know what the kid does three and a half, four years old. Take a guess what the kid does.

Say that again.

Haley you’re cutting out too fast, so slow down,

like dry. Ah.

Say that again. I was gonna say that he does he start laughing. No, he puts down his toy and he reaches out and hugs the man

sat right there is body language.

Fred Rogers use body language to reach the kid

in the kid responded with body language,

body language is more powerful. If you have an infant. The infant is all body language. I had a former student colleague, she was pregnant when I first taught her. It took her a long time to get through school because she was working full time and could only go to school part time. Two years later, she’s about to graduate, and then she has her second son. She brings the little boy that we started with, because I was afraid she was. I didn’t know if he was going to make it because she could barely get into the desk at school.

As like do I have to get through the chair cuz

she brings a little boy, and I held him.

And I was so blissed out the kid fell asleep in my arms, and there was no wine, no liquor, no drug that had that kind of peace. And I felt him begin to wake, because the peace itself changed. He was still at peace.

And I was at peace. And we were connected.

That’s the area that you need to work on. Get away from the abstraction. Remember this saying, nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Have you heard that one.

Write that down.

Nobody cares how much you know, sorry summer you’re gonna have to chew for a little while. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. And care comes from the cup.

And so beautiful sayings a

martyred. He said,

when your love fills me. My eyes over flow. We’re still looking for that. That right there is where I want you to start with body language. When we come to class next time, I’m gonna roll your wrists out and collect smiles, is that working for you. Yes, for most of you it’s working. Here’s what I want you to do next time you go to the grocery store and you’re buying groceries. Look at the person.

10/5

Okay.

So people may not tell you how they feel about you. I hope you’re writing this down because it’s not written anyplace. People may not tell you how they feel about comma.

But they always

period.

Pay attention.

I’ll read it again. People may not tell you how they feel about you, comma, but they always show you period. Pay attention. Okay, that’s quote number one, and it was anonymous. Now. The second quote is by a guy named William, BB. And BB is spelled B, E, B. And Wm BD was a naturalist he studied nature. Now, as scientists, this is what he said, these words should be ready.

These words should be ready

for instant use, by every honest scientist, these words should be ready for instant use by every honest scientist, and then you put a colon, little two dots. And here are the words. You’re ready.

I don’t know.

So those are our two quotes that we’re going to begin with with body language. Why don’t we just discuss the quotes for a little bit before I get into the lecture, and we start looking at some videos.

What’s it got to do?

I think for the first COPPA anonymous one, it’s trying to show you that people’s actions will always tell you how they’re feeling about you. And that you know people will do this like lie and like not be truthful with their words. But they can’t necessarily do that with with your body.

Okay, but when you say action, you don’t mean like me going over and picking you up at the bus station and bringing you home. You’re talking about how my body?

Yeah, like if someone’s mad at you, and they’re like, I’m not mad. What? Like, you can visit that you can you can see that they’re mad with it. What how they’re acting?

Okay, very good. Very good. Good point. How, what else do we have? Don’t be shy.

of like, the other quote, this is nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Like for the first one, Carla, that is a very, very nice segue movement from one to the other and interrelation. This is exactly the kind of thing that I like seeing when you guys are writing your essay exam. So that’s, that’s a good thing. It does remind me a lot. Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care. And how, how do we measure? How do we know that

somebody cares?

How do how do we sense that? Where do we sense that? Where do we feel that?

somebody cares?

from the heart if we’re

open with our heart? Yes, we sense it from our heart very good. Anybody else?

Well, we see people

when we see them as people as equals, as

you know what? I gotta go look something up. for you guys. Not today, but I’ll bring it to you

on Wednesday, because you just you helped me see it just now.

gasps

What else do you see?

I’ll read it. I’ll read them again. People may not tell you how they feel about you. But they always show you pay attention and then babies These words should be ready for instant use by every honest scientist. I don’t know.

Why did I give you both of these in this lesson?

I think but the second quote, when you say when you say and Ana scientist says I don’t know, it’s kind of like saying that you’re open minded you’re willing to.

Well, let me let me let me stop, you know, stop you right there with open mind. Good choice of words. Where else did we have open minded?

Think about everything that we’ve talked about up to today.

Oh, report? Yes. When we spoke about report exactly ilias. You see, you guys are making the connections, these connections are the things that lead lead me to believe that we’re going to get some really good essays. And that’s what I want. Because what counts is not the fact that I’m giving you the information. It’s how you’re connecting it. Because in the US, your connection is going to be totally different from catalysts. Totally. But you’re still going to have many of the same ingredients. Carla, you’re going to do it the Cardo way. And yes, you’re going to do it the ABS way. And that’s the way that it works. nicely put. Now, let’s go to BBC quote again. If we’re talking if we’re watching somebody, and we’re watching their body language we’re taking in their body language. Why did for breezy, put in this quote about BB that says, I don’t know.

Because we don’t really know everything. And sometimes we just need to finally stop wasting time trying to figure out something that we find is like, it’s a bit that we just don’t know it.

Okay, here’s who’s I like the word that you use. We don’t use it very often in this class, but figure out, okay, when we do figuring what part of the body are we using the toes? What part do we use for figuring in brain, the brain and for reasons always told you that thinking is highly? Come on. overrated? Very good. Okay. So let me ask this question. So your I’m going to ask you, okay, when you came to the United States, and you didn’t understand English very well, were you having to rely a lot on body language.

Yeah.

Go ahead. Tell us about that. I like facial expressions, too.

Yeah, facial expression, his body language, facial expression, his body language. Did you ever get it wrong?

In the VA all the time,

because we don’t know. Now, the most difficult thing is this. And I’m going to give it to you now. Because it but it’s a little bit early. The most difficult thing. And it’s humbling is to say that you don’t know.

You want to know why?

Because the easiest person to fool is you. The easiest person to fool, is you. So that’s why we have to be very, very careful what we believe. We’re watching the body. I was watching a movie set in India. Okay. And there’s a lot of men that are doing this. When they’re talking, I have no idea what it means. My Indian friends.

What shall I do? Shall I give you the video?

Let’s start with the videos. Okay, we’ll do it just like the other classes, start with videos and then do a little bit of lecture. Then we’ll open it up for questions again. And I’m going to show you videos of former students they have given me permission to use their videos. So you know that I’m not doing it with people that haven’t given permission. I am not going to put the sound on for This. I’m also going to put the videos on, like five times the normal speed. I want it because it exaggerates the body movements.

So let me go find the video.

This is called the slow down.

Okay? First thing I want you to do in the slow down is scan your body, try to feel all the parts of your body. And then the second thing is I want you to do the tension release. And here’s how you do the tension release. There are five steps to this. Okay, step number one, take a deep breath. Step number two, hold it five seconds, and counted off one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi, when you let it go, and that’s number three. Let it go with a sigh of relief. So watch

Did you notice how my shoulders dropped? That’s number four. Let it go with a sigh of relief. Drop your shoulders. There’s and in the process of dropping your shoulders, relax the whole body. That’s Number five practice the At different times of the day And what you’ll find is you’re Holding tension in different place. Is it different times you’ll Tension differently while you’re driving a car. Than you will when you’re sitting in a chair and arrest Then when you’re sitting at the counter at your house You’re going to hold Tension differently when you’re lying on your Bed I suppose too when you’re lying on the sand of the beach

are lying on the grass in the park

you’re going to hold tension differently depending on where you’re standing, for that matter if you’re standing in Line You may be a lot different than if you’re Standing Looking at something mean like really examining it These Tensions are the things that everyone has. The thing is, is we want to become aware of them. Now, the people whose videos I showed you they worked hard to eliminate these The videos that I showed you are the last videos that they did.

I cannot begin to tell you

How much tension they had in the first videos. But this is a thing that we work on for the rest of our lives. Next thing I want to give you is today I had a conversation with Jesse Wilhite. As a former student, he’s finished taking all the courses but as I say, Now he’s a manager and he I was asking him about COVID night And how they were having to handle things and they’re making money they’re doing well this month and he said Yeah, things are different. But they’re the same He said this is it This is what my Customers want they want one They actually they want two things. But the first thing they want from anyone from my company is One they want to know, do you care? Write that down. Do you care

Even even me okay with you guys

is You care about this. I will stop whatever I’m doing and I’ll take your email and we’ll set up a zoom meeting. If I know you care.

I’ll give you the time of day because you care

The second thing that he said was this when you’re going in and you’re talking to somebody, the question that the client has is is this person genuine

Genuine in the sense of

True Having integrity Having integrity means that you’re the same Today is your word yesterday. You’re the same as means you are in front of some What else are you the same Person Now somebody In the class said, oh, here was a quote. I’m going to give you the quote. last quote of the day. This one’s a little bit long, but I need you to think about this As we continue with the body language, so this is from a person named Terry get Alloway and Terry Galloway is Why Excuse me, Terry gal. Way is deaf.

I don’t know where I got blind.

Okay, here We go

deafness has left Be cutely aware

deafness has left me acute Be aware

of both the duplicity that language is capable of have both the duplicity that language is key. Love The many expressions The body cannot Hi Many expressions The body cannot hide. Deaf this has left me acutely aware of both the duplicity that language is capable of And the many expressions the body cannot hide what is Terry gal? Are we actually talking about here?

Excellent. Go ahead. So URL when we’re talking about

listening, effective listening do not

Listen to the context of the word. So deafness has left him aware like that. Content doesn’t really mean anything that’s a publicity or the word. It means in Is that even a person who can hear it can interpret it How to say it in different ways. Wow.

Okay different interpretation Very good. Let me ask this question. What does the word do plus City me if I tell you if I if I You vegan. Be careful with her She’s duplicitous. Maybe she has two phases or should As two faces She has to face What is the one that we have After listen to the body

Listen to the body

Listen to the body and then let the words Fill the rest in

Sir I remember I think this is a quote that you said says listen See your clients but don’t pay attention to the word

Very good and yes Very good are connecting. Very nice connection nice connection between them. Now, some But he was supposed to remind me of two things because we’ve got about 15 minutes left and I want to make sure to cover them.

That was our one a project

that may be part one. Okay, let me explain how this works out. You have How many parts that you’re going to turn in?

Okay.

This is the way Blackboard works. For me to be able to receive a file as an assignment. There’s no other way to receive a file. I have to give it a value. Okay? The value that I give what you’re handing in is zero. That is just to let Blackboard take it in. What is that Part One worse if you don’t turn it in 50 points. That’s Correct Miriam, I take 50 points. away from your final project. So when You see that you’ve got to turn In part one and you see the There’s a zero there. Don’t freak out about it. I have my own excel sheet where I keep track of what you’ve turned in now. You have the six, seven parts, because I want you to work through the entire project to know everything that’s going on. On, this is not a course of Oh what is the word here? This is this This is not a course of multiple choice questions in theory. This is probably the most applied course that you’re going to have now. Probably swimming. Okay, there’s Have you ever noticed there’s no theory of swimming? You just get in the water and you move. Try not to drown. Okay. So what are you going to turn on? You’re going to turn in the name of the person, the name of the company, the address of the company, the phone number, and you’re going to give a one sentence telling me what the company does. That’s all I need to see. Now, the format sheet, you know what it’s supposed to look like. Somebody was really worried and says What happens if I did it wrong? Well, the most important thing is that you turn something in. If you did it wrong and you didn’t get it, I’m going to kick it back to you and I’m going to say do it again because What I want you to have is I want you to have an understanding of where you’re going but it Everything must be turned in Now Let’s talk about the First part one and part two. If this was a dating situation action packed One would be Hey, I met When I was out with my friend David I got her phone number

What To be

Going on actually

Going out on an axe. date. It’s the first date Am I going to talk? Things like brain surgery and you know, the conflict in Armenia and Azerbaijan. Am I am I going to talk about Things that are real depressing. I hope not. No, because the thing is we’re trying to get to know each other. That’s part two. You got to get To know the person okay. What you want is you Want to know Does this person actually Help me out. I gave it to you for Jesse characters this person actually care about simple

Let’s go to your exam. I don’t want to call it that. Why did I say that? It’s not an exam it’s an essay is a different By the way, you know what sa means in Spanish

The word for essay actually means Try out

inside you, I’m trying it out. What I want to see in your essay is I want to see your point of connection with them. terial you are going to integrate, you’re going to synthesize, you’re going to meld together everything that I have given you into a different form. Warm Angel, what you put together is going to be quite different than what Lorraine puts together. consider for a moment. We all Go shopping at a grocery store. Correct We all buy more Sure Lorraine how you hooked the mushroom is going to be very different. And then how Angel cooks hurts You all have the same ingredients. Let’s go through them. What was the First thing you learn

From on

occasion styles,

adaptive communication styles second thing

Report rapport Yeah, third thing The surname Active listening and now we’re at the The fourth thing, body language like okay, I want to bring back Little point

What did you Get the most out of

You got twice as much something then you got the other two

rapport and body language are the same, are basically coming out of the same place. Now, one of the things that You guys took from the act of listening was empathy. Correct fun No problem but you see the interconnection. Now this Just the way the grades generally break down If you just regurgitate, it’s All this stuff that I said You’re going to get a C minus you’re going to get 70%. What I’m looking for is I’m looking for a synthesis where you create a new thing and explain it in a certain way. way that’s different from everybody else’s. If you do a good job Get a B and that’s really good thing. Super good job that leaves To me like oh my god That was so beautiful. That person gets an A. Now, you saw I shared with you part of that essay. Mommy is here. Remember that one? One of my students wrote it. Yeah. That essay took different approach. What she did was she took everything she learned in this class and she related it to rate Her daughter

That’s the kind of That I want to see you But it has to be well done. Does anyone want to know How to fail.

There Two ways to fail.

For Way hillels Golden Rule

What is it?

I told you to put a box Surrounded

What you need to

get a fellow that would you do that which you hate, do not do to your fellow. You got to say it that way you turn it around and say, Hey, love your neighbor as yourself. No Last end of game. You got an F Say you do it the That I said it. The SEC Way to fail if you’d Tell me you have to act. If Listen, you have to listen actively in order to gain rapport

because I gave you two example apples.

were active listening was not important.

What were the two examples

I was at the zoo for one of them.

One of the zoo you went to with the chimps and Does

the gorilla scout you knew they were

he knew He’s never getting out of it.

And I and I knew that he knew Yeah, so gorillas have language It’s not really

What was the other one?

My grandmother came Down to Argentina that spoke no. What? Spanish, no Spanish and she went out with my bye We spoke no English English and they both had a great time. language is not necessary. Siri for rapport. If you haven’t Dog. You can be looking at the dog and be gone. Oh you dumb stinky pile of shit. I really dislike the way You really look right now that talks like I love you, too. The language doesn’t mean anything. If you really love the dog and you’re calling it stupid. The dog doesn’t care. If you come up to the dogs come your Bay. Be is good to have it as you the dogs going like on Oh shit, I’m gonna get the crap beat out of me. I’m running

fast body length

Okay,

so now we have five minutes left questions.

To try and smooth the way for you, just as if I was going through a door with a bunch of packages, that you would hold the door for me. I know some things that you don’t know. But you guys know some things that I don’t know. So we have to stay in this thing together. That’s why I remind you see, I love you in the queues. The next thing, being kind to the people that you live with. They’re doing the best they can. And you know, I know that there’s times that you want to slap the living snot out. Remember, they’re trying not to slap the snot out of you. So be kind.

That’s all we’re supposed to be doing here.

Okay, I love you. I’ll see you guys on Wednesday. And I’ll post this stuff so you can find it. Okay. Good. Be kind.

10/7

Now, let’s just go through our classes. We’ve had 16 meetings so far. What are we covered in 16 weeks, we’ve covered a bunch of topics. What’s the first topic we covered? quickly because we don’t have a lot of time today. communication styles. second topic, we covered a point. rapport Very good. Thank you for being quick because we shoot up 20 minutes with stupid stuff. Third thing.

Active listening for thing.

language, body language, body language, and rapport are two of the same things.

They’re just named differently.

So here’s a quotation that I found today.

Emotion always has its roots.

In the unconscious, emotion always has its roots in the unconscious and manifests itself in the body. Now if you remember I told you that William James, the father of American psychology, said the difference between us is emotion. Xavier, you and I can watch the same thing. We could watch a video of a dog dancing on its back legs, and you might be laughing

and I might be crying.

I’m remembering my dog that just died. And you’re thinking this is the coolest YouTube video that I’ve seen in a while. The difference is emotion. emotion comes out through the body. That’s what we deal with. And the other class had a student that was taking care of his niece who is a year a little less than a year and a half old. And she is she puts his he put in his talks jibberish. I don’t know what she’s saying. But I know what she’s saying and what she wants by how excited she is.

So

what did we have the most lessons on?

report and

active listening? Hmm. Ideally, English,

body language, rapport and body language. Do you want to know how to fail the test? There are three things that you can do to fail the test

number one

if you miss quote, Hillel

What did Hillel say?

Would you hate for nothing to fellow? Okay. That’s it.

You get that backward? I’m gonna say what the heck. I’m gonna look at you follow? Let me ask you a question. Do you want people to give you money? Yes. Okay, how about giving me 100 bucks right now? Give you 100 bucks. Yeah, you want people to give you money? Give me some Not only did it. Okay, you see why that doesn’t work. Paolo, let me ask you a question. Do you like people that open up their car doors real hard and slam their car door into yours? No. benching, you don’t do that. Do you? know I don’t. Okay. That’s the difference between the two. You miss quoted? I’m just going to fail you right then and there. Second way to blow it up.

Okay.

My student in the other class. He can’t understand what this one and a half year old kid is saying. If you tell me that you need active listening to build rapport, you’re gonna fail. Remember, my grandmother spent the whole day shopping with a woman who didn’t speak your own language and had a good time. Okay. If you regurgitate everything that I’ve given you, your highest score can be a 70 70% That’s a passing score. And it’s a good score because it means you’ve grasped everything. But I judge you guys as being some pretty hard chargers and you want to have more than 70 Yes, people that want more than 70% Raise your hands next year heads

over, okay, the rest of you can leave at this point, okay?

Because you got all

I want to see the interrelation. I want you to be able to synthesize and interrelate rapport and active listening in such a way that you could explain everything that you’ve learned right now to your grandmother. With the evidence to back it up, or everything that you would explain to say a six year old or a five year old. to back it up, I want simple language. Now, remember how I’ve told you since the very first day that this thing spirals up, and that you guys have got to find the interrelations? Yes. No. Yeah. Okay, who has been looking for the interrelations already?

route? Is that you saying yes, or just scratching your ears? A route? Is that you saying yes, or scratching your ears? Okay. No one has been interrelating this on your own?

Okay.

Let me tell you something, okay.

COVID-19 in distance learning has put the majority of the responsibility on you. Okay, if you don’t do the work, I’m going to grade what you don’t do. Now I understand what happened in the other class. No one has interrelated anything. So you’re in for a bumpy five days?

Shall I share the screen?

Okay, you’re not listen, I’m telling you. Y’all ain’t gonna be happy with this thing. I’m telling you right. Now, you’re gonna be real disappointed. Okay, can you see this? I’m gonna need you to speak up at this point. Yeah, okay. Yes, here are your general instructions. It covers everything that I have assigned. And everything that I have discussed in class, your maximum length is 140 words. As an expensive test, if you think about it, you got 140 words for 200 points. Okay, here’s the deal, you best come correct. Meaning you, I’m going to deduct one letter grade if you start having grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. better know what you’re saying. Now, formatting is critical. And I’m going to explain to you why formatting is critical. Let me stop the share for a second.

I want you to know how I read this stuff.

I want to get the beauty of everything that you’re telling me.

Because most of you guys have taken have had a lot of fun taking this class and learning stuff. I don’t want to puzzle over stuff and try to read difficult stuff. I want everything to kind of look the same. So it’s easy for me to pick it up. What I do is I print out all of the essays that you guys have, and all of the essays from the other class. And I read them all together. I tried doing the editing online, but it just doesn’t work. It’s too slow for me. I don’t want to be distracted by strange fonts. I don’t want to be distracted by crappy writing, I want to see paragraphs and stuff like that. So I have this way. I’m going to show you format in a second. And I expect it to be done in this format because what I want to do is I want to be able to read quickly and grasp your ideas. I don’t want to get a headache by trying to figure out why you wrote it in Comic Sans. 13 and a half point. So now let’s go back to the screenshare and these are some of the things that I want. I want you to type your essay in 11 point Arial narrow okay. There is a difference between Arial and air Narrow, it’s going to be double spaced. And I want to see one inch margins all the way around. Next thing, I do not want you to end in paragraphs, I want you to hit return twice. To make a paragraph, skip two lines to make a paragraph. This is also important. Do not write justify your text, I want it going in and out because it’s easier to fix, easier to read. Now in the header, okay, on the right hand side, single spaced, first name, last name, the class and the meeting time and I need the meeting time your meeting time is 4pm. Then your Bronco ID number and then just essay is the title of the thing. You’re going to upload this in a docx format. And I want you to name your document as follows. I want to see your last name, I want to see a comma, your first name, a comma and then essay, a comma, and then fall 2020. Now there is a reason behind this. When I put them in alphabetical, when when I download them, they’re automatically in alphabetical order. I know exactly where they are. At the bottom of the page, I want you to type your word count. Look where the word count appears. You see it?

Hello?

Yes, yes.

If you fail to conform to these instructions, I’m going to I’m going to drop your letter grade. And I’m not going to be happy while I’m reading. So generally what that means is I find more errors. Okay. Let me stop the screen so I can Okay, go ahead with a question please.

Um, so for the word count, you’re on the bottom of the page is there a specific corner on which you want to add

doesn’t matter. So I see it says word count 139 words, just so long as I know what it is I’m not too picky about where it is, I just don’t want to sit there and have to go into Microsoft Word and manually put it in. I am I am testing to see if there is a correlation between I’m testing to see what the correlation is with word count. Based on grades is one of the things that I’m looking at also to look and see how many errors that’s for my own business, it will not affect anyone’s grade. I’m just kind of curious and I’m testing stuff out.

Okay, and is it just the one word count of like the total essay or like just for the page? No, I want the word count for the essay only I don’t want the word count for the header. And then um, can you just clarify what you mean by do not write justify your text?

You know, you guys really worry me. Sometimes you all put down. I am an expert in Microsoft Word. And you don’t even know what this is. This is right justified see where my cursor is? that yes, this is fully justified. What I want is I want this which is just left. justified, ragged, right? Okay, if you see terms that you don’t know, in anything, you know what I do? I look them up on Google. Okay, we’re doing good. Let’s ask questions at this point.

Have a question professor, I can I turn in my part one with Arial not Arial narrow, my computer didn’t have Arial narrow?

Well, you get Arial narrow for the next thing. But don’t worry. Let’s not worry about part one right now. Because apart One is if you turn something in something in this thing has got 200 points writing on it. And I want you guys to do well because you’ve been talking a good game in class. Let’s see if you can tell a good game.

Next question.

before class or at 1159 on Monday

1159 on Monday.

You’re welcome. I chose 1159 because it just seemed to be easier for everybody. Apparently that seems to be what everybody else wants to do. In world so I said What the heck? Why not We talked about right now with Father Pam bone. That’s off the table. Because now you guys have got an idea what it is that I’m looking for.

I feel like you kind of want something that’s a little poetic in a way that I like.

Okay, so when you say poetic

if you guys would like, I will read you a poem in a moment. That is not what we think of as poetic. Okay, poetic generally means Oh, flowery and fluffy and pretty. Poetry has an incredible weight to it. It’s like every word was weighed out down to the gram, no electricity.

Now, would you like to hear Paul like that?

That’s okay. Well, let me go.

I think he just wants us to give examples that are like, not his

Okay, this is from a poet called David white. He’s actually a biologist.

It’s called the waiting to go on.

So this listen.

If it must be real waiting for the perfect moment, it must be under all the struggle we want to go on. It must be that deep down, we’re creatures getting ready for when we’re needed. It must be that waiting for the listening ear, or the appreciative word, or for the right woman or the right man, or the right moment, just for ourselves. We are getting ready, just to be ready, and nothing else. Like this moment, just before the guests arrive, working by the window in the kitchen, sensing a deep down symmetry in every blessed thing That everything, unbeknownst to us, is preparing to meet us to just on the other side of the door, someone is about to knock and your life is just about to change. And finally, after all these years of rehearsing behind the curtain We might just be ready to go on.

It’s not fluffy, but those words are heavier I

want you to be careful about what you’re doing.

Okay Want you to be careful about what it is that you’re going to try to tell me that’s one of the reasons why I limited you to 140 words. I want you to think Through. You’re gonna think of a thing Have a piece of meat, there’s going to be some bone. There’s going to be Some gristle there’s going to be some fat Do you want to eat bone No gristle, no You’re going to cut that off Before you serve it You’re going to make didn’t look nice because This is the meal that you’re going to give

me. That’s What I want you guys to have

Does that make sense?

Okay, I want to give you a couple other things about body language because we’ve got about 15 minutes left in class

Here’s a quotation that I found today. Emotion Always has did. I get This one emotion Always has its roots in the unconscious. Did I Give that to you. Speak assertion Okay, thank you. Here’s the Next one. This is from Ralph Waldo Emerson. And I found it today it’s dead on. Okay when the eyes say one thing

and the Tongue another

eyes seeing one thing And the tongue another

Practice to man

relies on the language of the first. A practice demand relies on the language of the first

You see, we’re living In extraordinary times, everybody’s wearing a mask now. And we’re looking at Eyes for them. Very, very first time, probably Instead of looking at math You look at the eyes and you know what they’re thinking, you can feel it. So, when my dad was a little boy, there was a movie star now Mae West and Mae West. She said Some stuff in movies in the video Movies on the radio that you just could not say, okay, it was this and the woman was incredibly good And had a body to die for. She would say things like, come on up and see me some Time Big Boy Tuesday. Is amateur night For all I like both cars. Have men foreign And domestic Second So she was erasing but She had a good say I found it

Ice To language

English Audience

Think about That because you can see where people are using their body to speak. This is the thing That I want you to be aware of. When we talk about body language. I don’t want you to use the word body language. I came up with a new one Today Okay Here it is. The message In the body What is the message in the bottom? A student in the other class is taking care of his Four months old. Nice. She’s jumping up and down. And all excited about SpongeBob SquarePants She’s talking stuff that you cannot understand.

Okay

But it doesn’t really matter because What’s good Let’s use her remote motion that she likes. She Like spinecraft

See We’re all set.

not that complicated. don’t overcome complicated stuff. Okay Good Open it up to you guys. If you’d Don’t have any questions. She can take off if you’ve got questions. Ask them I’m here I’ve got exactly 11 minutes and then I’m going to cut everybody off because I’ve got to get over to the class. So you’re On

So we’re not going to mention the font that You gave us right we don’t have to mention

that. No You don’t have to mention that I was giving you the prompt to give you some ideas of Things to consider because most Have you have not been reflecting on this and trying to find connections? Okay, thank you.